Do/will you reward your kids for good ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Do/will you reward your kids for good ..
8
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 12:30pm

grades and/or behavior? What do you use as a reward(money, small gifts, etc.)? Is their allowance(if they get one) contingent on good behavior, good grades or doing chores?

How much do you reward your child? Do they get a certain amount of money for every A? A small prize for doing all their chores? Or do they have a reward chart that gives them certain prizes for good behavior all week?

If your child wanted something pricey that they had really earned by working hard, would you buy it? Would you make them pay for it themselves or work it off?

Dh and I don't believe in paying for grades, as in giving them certain amounts of money each report card period(our kids are ds 11 in 5th grade and dd almost 15 in 9th grade). Both of our kids make terrific grades and have excellent behavior in school. So a couple of times a year we will do something like take a day trip or something and tell them it's a reward for their good grades and behavior in school.

We tried an allowance for a while, but it was just a pain! There would be weeks when we didn't have the money to give them, weeks when they wanted to borrow ahead, etc. and it was just a mess! So rather than give an allowance we just indulge them once in a while with something new when they ask. Maybe a small toy or new t-shirt.

What brought me to this question is high school letterman's jackets LOL. My dd is a great kid. Typical teenage attitude at times, but 98% of the time she's a total joy. She's smart, funny, hard working, kind, giving, etc. She has been on the honor roll every single 9 weeks since Kindergarten and has never been in trouble in school. I never have to remind her to do homework, she gathers all her makeup work and completes it if she misses a day, etc. She works hard around the house too. She cleans their bathroom, does laundry and hangs it on the line, unloads the dishwasher, anything I ask her to do! Ds has had the flu since Tuesday night and he is so bored and just feels crappy. Dd is entertaining him today with card games, etc.

She started high school this year and LOVES it! The elementary/middle school here is just a big crap hole anymore. They have a new principal who has NO idea what she's doing, the teachers all hate her, the whole school is going down-hill fast! They offer NO activities other than sports and the Junior Honor Society and you have to be in the 8th grade to get in that. There is no FHA or FFA, no choir, no drama club, nothing! Neither of my kids is into sports at all so they don't do outside activities. Dd did baton for 2 1/2 years but that fizzled when we realized that the instructor could only teach basic stuff and dd had been doing the same moves and routines for the entire time!

Anyhoo.....she's at the high school this year and they have several activities there. You can go to the Vo-Tech next door and join FFA, FHA, etc. They also have show choir, Teen Leadership, FCA, etc. Dd is kind of feeling things out this year, getting used to the school, the kids from the other end of the county, etc. She is a member of the FCA and she's taking honors classes. She also volunteers at our local community center when they have functions and this summer will be volunteering at a local state park.

It's time to order letterman's jackets. She qualifies because she is on the honor roll. She can get an academic letter. The problem? The jacket is 300.00!! OMG, 300.00!! When I was in high school I was a cheerleader and my jacket cost 75.00 LOL! I WANT her to have this! It's important to her and I feel she has really earned it. However, 300.00 right now is ALOT of money for us! She has offered to wait until next year to get it, but I feel really crappy about that(see what a great kid she is?)! We've always pounded into our kids heads that you have to work to get things. School is their "job" right now, etc. Our kids are VERY far from spoiled. We don't believe in just handing things to them. We believe in chores and working as a family unit. We have a lot of debt right now and I've had to start doing in home d/c for a family friend to help out.

Anyway, I want to order it for her. I will be working the d/c until school lets out, then I am going to be working for a friend at a state park in the area all summer so we will have the money to cover it with no problem.

However....I did tell her that I think she can help me clean the bathrooms at the state park the two days a week that they will be there with me to help earn it. But I feel kind of weird about that! I think she has already earned the jacket with 10 years of good grades and behavior! ACK!! Who knew being a parent could be such a pain LOL.

So my question is, did dd earn the jacket with 10 years of good grades and behavior or should she have to "earn" it by working? I'm torn on this one! I hate to go back on my word about her working for part of it, but I just feel like she's already earned it! I thought about letting her work the summer with me, then giving her money at the end of summer to buy school clothes or something and telling her she earned the jacket with grades and behavior and can keep the money.

What would you do in this situation?
Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 2:39pm

We do not do allowances.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 3:42pm

If I were you, I would ask her to pay for half of it, and you can pay for the other half. She's old enough to earn it through babysitting (maybe during the day if not at night, or by being a "Mother's Helper" when the mother is there) and other odd jobs. It will make her appreciate the jacket that much more. HTH.

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 5:49pm

I am not sure of the details of ordering. Someone comes to the school and takes the orders is all that we know right now. I told her that they would have to either send home a paper ahead of time or send it the day the guy comes with information. No high school kid is going to just have 300.00 in his pocket on any given day(at least not around here LOL). I told her to go down and ask alot of questions and to get any paperwork they might have and bring it home so I can find out the details. The high school is REALLY bad about never sending home info to us.

Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 6:10pm

This is where I find myself torn..... my kids work for/earn pretty much every extra thing they get! We might pay for it, but they work it off at home with extra chores, etc. She pays for gifts for her friends for their birthdays and Christmas. She pays for magazines, chapsticks, etc. that she wants. Same with my ds. We set a value to the extra chores and they do them until they've paid off their debt to us. If they want something big we usually say "ok but it's part of your birthday or Christmas."

I came from a family where my brother and I were poor in a family with money. Especially in our teenage years, my parents had money. But we never got any or got anything! I was an honor roll student, NEVER in trouble, in lots of clubs, a cheerleader, graduated 4th in my class, etc. Yet it was NEVER good enough for my parents. My sister(half-sister) was 9 years younger than me and she got anything and everything she wanted because she was Daddy's "real" child. There was no allowance, no chance to earn money with chores, etc. My brother and I both got jobs in high school which was really tough for me with honor classes, being a cheerleader, and then working evenings and weekends. I had NO life! I paid for my own prom dress my junior year, etc.

I want my kids to understand that money has a limit. That someone(daddy,me, them) has to work to get it! I don't want them to expect things to be handed to them. And they don't! But I think that SOME things should be given with no strings. Things like prom dresses, school sweatshirts, letterman's jackets(within a certain limit of course. I wouldn't pay 500.00 for a prom dress!). It's not her fault that the jacket is so expensive. She would appreciate it greatly, no matter who pays for it. She's just that kind of kid. There really isn't the opportunity here for a 14/15 year old girl to earn money. This is a very rural farming community. Boys can work on farms to earn money, but girls usually work at the little grocery store and she can't do that until she's 16. They don't have things like Mother's Helpers here and people don't really hire teenage sitters because most everyone has tons of family around to keep their kids for them for date nights, etc. I don't know anyone who hires a teen sitter here.

Thanks for your advice! This is definitely going to take some more thought LOL.
Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 7:52pm

Sherri- i'd look into financing through the store or else just bite the bullet and get it.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 8:24pm

Do your research!!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:25am

She would appreciate it alot and the thing is, she didn't even really ask for it! Early in the year she asked me if I knew if you could get one for academics. She was trying to figure out how her best friend's sister got one(she didn't play sports). I asked one of the high school girls who works in the little store here and she said yes you could.

On Friday dd was telling me about a class discussion and how they got off the subject and were talking about sports, letterman jackets, etc. She said one of the football players said his jacket cost 298.00 and could I BELIEVE that they were that much? Then she said they were coming to take orders again the 22nd and just changed the subject. She did NOT ask for a jacket, but I know she really wants one. I told her I thought she should have one and we'd get the info and see what we could do. Then she told me if money was too tight she'd wait until next year. THAT just makes me want her to have it even more.

Both of my kids are just so darn good and nice, sweet, considerate, etc. that I want them to have things every now and then that they don't have to pay for themselves. Everyone loves a treat now and then!

Sherri

Sherri ~ mom to Brooke and Tyler, wife to Randall and fan of Nascar's Carl Edwards

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:10am
Sounds like your daughter is a great kid!! I agree with the post about having her pay for half of it. In this case, I would purchase it and have her pay you back. What about e-bay? There may be some things around your house that she could sell to come up with the extra cash. Selling is not hard and it's easy once you navigate around a little. Good luck!