Easing into staying at home

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2004
Easing into staying at home
4
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:30am

Hi there, this is my first time posting here. Even though I am not a SAHM yet I hope it will be okay for me to join you.

I have a three year old son. During my first marriage I was the primary bread winner and didn't have the option of staying at home. My first marriage was just bad all around for a number of reasons. My ex husband and I now get along very well. I was remarried in December to a wonderful man who is everything I ever dreamed of and more, and who adores my son (he calls him "our" son.)

I currently work in management at a Fortune 500 company and my son goes to day care fulltime (which he loves!). However, now that I am in the position of being able to stay at home I am very confused. For years I have felt like my work has been my identity (even after my son was born) and I have been way too focused on my career. With the help of my wonderful husband I have made it my focus to get my priorities in order. I have come to realize that the stress of work and my obsession with "getting ahead" at work has taken a toll on my mental and physical health as well as my relationship with my son. I have choosen to give up my management position and have an interview tomorrow for an "lower level" associate level position at my current company. This position will allow me to leave work at work at the end of the day instead of bringing work and stress home with me. I will be able to focus 100% on my family.

I would ultimately like to be a SAHM but I am scared and so I am trying to ease into it. Is that weird? I'm really scared that I will freak out if I just quite my job cold turkey. In addition, my husband and I would like to pay off all our debt (which we can easily do in one year) so that we won't be financially strained if I stay at home. My plan is to get situated in the new job (if I get it), and then move to either a part time or job share situation (which is supported in the department) to see how I do staying at home a few days a week. At that point I will decide whether I can stay at home all the time (although my child will probably be in school by that time so I may end up working a part time job only during the hours he is in school).

Did anyone else gradually work their way into staying at home? Is it weird that it I am scared about staying at home? Is it okay for me to post here even though I am not at home yet? I really admire all of you for staying at home!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:36pm

Welcome to the board! Of course it is okay that you are here.


I think you are doing a very smart thing by easing into it. I was a pre-k teacher before my son was born. It felt very strange giving up something I loved doing so much. When I first came home I taught reading skills out of my home so that I could feel like I was not totally giving it up. I fully intended to put my oldest in daycare when he turned four and go back to work.


Some world events happened that changes my mind though. I have been home for almost seven years now with one year last year where I went back to working outside the home. I hated it the entire time and could not wait to quit and get back home again. It was a very easy decision the second time. My family just does so much better with me at home.


We are a homeschooling family now so things are very different than I had imagined, but my life has taken all kinds of twists and turns for the better. Not only are my family fulfilled by what I am doing but I am as well. If I was unhappy in any way I think it would not work.


I also have several hobbies and things that I do to stretch my mind and allow myself to keep growing as a person. I am not just "Mommy" but I am Traci too! I am a writer, wife, lover, friend and still myself.


Good luck to you! I hope you find what works for you and your family!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 2:05pm

Hi and welcome! Flattery will get you everywhere, lol! Your situation is completely understanable. Especially when you've put so much into establishing your career and that's been the focus for so long. I've been a sahm since my dd was born (3.5 yrs). It was really hard at 1st, partially bc I was sleep deprived,lol. Also I'm a social person and to go from being surronded by people to being with just my baby was so hard. Now I have another daughter(20 mos) and can't imagine not being at home! Gradually is always good, just follow your heart and be glad you have the option now! Good luck and stick around. If you have anymore questions feel free to ask!

Amber

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 3:51pm

yes, yes, yes.
Welcome! I am new here too.

Corinne
http://corinne.momexecs.net




Edited 2/23/2005 3:51 pm ET ET by yourmomismad
Community Leader
Registered: 12-16-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:53pm
Hi and welcome! I think you are wise to ease into it. I have been home for almost 11 years. My kids are 10 1/2 and almost 7, and I am still at home. I am thinking of going into subbing, but right now my ds still loves to come home for lunch, so home I will stay.

Ramona  Mom to 2 great kids and wife to one wonderful hubby since 1990!