Emotionaly Lost - Need Help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Emotionaly Lost - Need Help!!
3
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 11:56am

I am hoping that some of you might be able to help me out. I have felt so disconnected lately and I am not sure what to do anymore. First let me say I LOVE being a Mom and a wife. I have been a SAHM for a little over a year now. I have a daughter who is 11 and a son that just turned 2. Somewhere inbetween all my mom duties, wife duties and home duties I feel like I have lost myself somewhere. My emotions are all over the place and I find myself crying at a drop of a hat. I am starting to wonder who I am? I use to be so free, outgoing, brave, loud, fun loving and even a little obnixios (sp?) I have no idea where that person went. I look in the mirror and wonder who the person is looking back at me. I have put on some weight since my two kids (but then again I am sure most of us have) I have been trying to loose weight for about a month now. I have completely changed my diet, watch everthing I eat - I exercise at least 4 times a week and I think I have lost 4LBS...... I am so fustrated. I do not feel sexy or attractive any more, which is taking its toll on our love life. The winter has been rough being inside all the time and not being able to get out much except for the trips to the grocery store or something like that. I love my husband and he works hard so I can be at home but I miss him. He works abut 10 hours a day and then most times comes home says hi and goes up and takes a nap before dinner. We all sit and eat together as a family but as soon as dinner is over he retreats to his office to play games or what every (he needs to relax and wind down from his day) I get a few minutes to watch a little tv and then I get the kids ready for baths, snacks and bedtime. After all that is said and done it is off to bed. At that point I have no interst in anything but sleep. and of course what I get from the hubby is that he has needs too!! So now only do I not feel like crap I feel like a failure as a wife. I just feel like no matter what I do as a mother, wife, exercise, eating, it is just never enough - but I have no more energy to give anymore. Any advice would be great. Thanks so much to any of you that have gotten this far and can make sence of it because I am sure I was all over the place.

Julie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 12:40pm

Oh Julie, big (((hugs))). I think we've all been there at some point. I know I have. Someone actually gave it a name, and you know what it was, what I (and probably you) were suffering from? Frump Syndrom. I'd turned into a frump. I barely bothered to shower, let alone get dressed and do my make up. Why bother? It was just going to get spit up on, snotted up, spilled on, and I wasn't leaving the house anyway so why bother putting on make up. Then I was introduced to the term and realized the answer to "why bother?". Because I felt better! So even though I went from a fairly descent body to the Michelin Man's clone, I make an effort to work with what I've got.


Another part of Frump Syndrom is forgetting the order in which you are, and in that forgetting one "loses" oneself. First you are woman, then you are wife, and THEN you are mother. Not in any other order. You've entirely delved into the third, bypassing the essencial first two, much like we all do. But first you are woman. There are things that are woman. When was the last time you did something that made you feel like a woman? A lot of times it's refered to as "me time", but basically it's just taking a break every once in a while to do something frivolously feminine. Taking a bubble bath with a nice glass of wine for example. Getting a pedicure. Getting a massage. Having your hair professionally cut!


Second you are a wife. You are someones wife, and there is great pleasure to be gained in that. Your husband has needs for nekkidfun, but SO DO YOU!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 2:34pm

Julie,
*HUGS* I think what you are experiencing is something that we all as SAHMs go through every once in a while. It sounds like you have just lost yourself in taking care of everyone else and while being the nurturer is a wonderful thing, you need to take time to nurture yourself as well. Is it possible for you to take a morning or an afternoon and find a sitter while you go out and do something you love to do? Do you have a college campus nearby that offers adult learning classes, something like pottery, or cooking or writing? Or perhaps you can just take that time and get a massage, go to the bookstore or do something for you to help you recharge. Since you have an eleven year old I'm assuming he would be in school. I definitely would suggest having someone watch the two-year-old for a few hours just to give you a break every so often. Put on makeup and curl your hair and get out of the house. We are mothers, wives, caregivers, etc. but we are still people who need to do what we love to do as well.

Take care of yourself!

Tarra
Noah - 17 months
EDD Mackynzie Belle 4/21/07

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 9:42pm

Boy, Julie, we must twins. I am feeling the same thing right now. I couldn't have said it better than the previous posters.


I live in Racine, if you need to email chat, just let me know =)


Joanne

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