At the end of my rope...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
At the end of my rope...
13
Thu, 03-25-2004 - 7:40am
For those of you who saw my previous posts, I'm back. This time, it's to solicit advice on divorce/separation. DH is no longer D, just H (LOL!). In a nutshell, I feel like a slave since DH won't help out at all. He feels it's my job to take care of everything since I'm a SAHM. This is nothing new as things have been deteriorating for years and I'm now looking into divorce.

Anyone been through this? I'm looking at jobs and apartments that the boys and I can move to. DH has said in the past that he'll try to take the kids away from me, unlikely since the courts won't just let him, especially since I'm technically their only caregiver. I'm sure we can work out an equitable solution once he calms down.

I'm not going to mention any of this to DH until I have some solid plans. No sense adding to the tension. Suggestions? Comments? Pity?

Trying to keep a smile,

Lisa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 11:10am
Lisa,

I'm new here and your post was the first I read. I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I regret to say I don't have much advice except do what's best for your mental/emotional health.....don't stay in the relationship "for the kids". Sometimes when parents stay married when they should be divorced it does more damage to the children. I do agree with a message from a fellow member, find a good counselor if you haven't tried that route already. Lastly, stay in the relationship if it's healthy and the boys see a good marital role model.

Be strong and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 2:19pm
I have a thought that I wanted to add.Maybe you should think back to when you first got married,and what you loved about him so much.Do your part by trying not to fight with him over things,and maybe as he sees your additude changing,he will begin to change his.Think back to the vows you made when you married.I often wonder why people say "For Better Or For WORSE"when they don't really mean it.Maybe they should say,"Until I think you are too hard to live with anymore"!My mom had a hard time in her marriage to my dad,for years,but she stuck with him,and their marriage is much happier now!I am soo glad they stayed together.Yes we heard some fights as kids,but we always felt secure knowing that every morning when we woke up,both our mom and dad would be there!It has helped me see how to handle those problems that come up in a marriage in a mature way,instead of running away from them when they no longer go my way!Marriage isn't easy,but it is worth the time and effort to try to make it work.Second marriages often fail,because people didn't learn how to deal with problems in the first marriage.So I would rather stay with it then try another.I realize that there are some problems too huge to be fixed,sometimes,but I think as a general rule,people give up on their marriage too quickly!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
Fri, 03-26-2004 - 3:33pm
do you ahve any friends or family nearby? if you and the kids could just get away for awhile, you might be surprised that things are a little better when you go back. i recently went to my parents for a week because i was fed up with doing everything and the fighting. things arents perfect now, but getting better. if thats not an option; try to save up some money secretly. you could even get some extra credit cards for stuff that you will have to have. divorce is hard for children, but not as hard as a family that stays together for the kids sake and is very unhappy. at least apart both you and your husband could spend quality time with the kids without all the yelling. how old are your children? have you talked to them about any of this, or taken them to counseling? I hope you figure out what is right for you an your children.

sara

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