Etiquette Question - WWYD??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Etiquette Question - WWYD??
13
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 8:25am

We got an invite to a kids halloween party in the mail. It said "Michael* and Sarah* Halloween Party" and then gave the place and date and then said "Please join us for some ghoulish games, freaky fun, and frightening food! Bring a flashlight for a spooky game. We ask that the parents stay for the fun!!" and then the RSVP ph#s. The envelope didn't have any of the kids names on them, and seeing as they each have 26 kids in their class, not all of whom I know, I wasn't sure who was invited. Finally, a few days later, Jenny said Michael was in her class and talking about the party, so I knew who exactly was invited.

Anyway, the problem is this. Jenny is a twin. Do I just take her or can Ian go too? So when I rsvped, I asked who all was invited (the invite wasn't overly specific, after all) and asked if Ian could come along. She said she was just trying to keep it all in the same age range so the little kids don't get run over by the big ones (understandable) and said it was fine for Ian to come.

But now I'm doubting myself. Was what I did the right thing? I would never expect for them to go to the same birthday party, unless both invited, but then they both get the opportunity to do that throughout the year and those are usually gender specific anyway. It's just hard to tell one 6yo that his sister gets to go to a kids halloween party and he doesn't. But then again, these kids invited are in Jenny's class, and Ian's not. I don't know...

The women throwing the party seemed to believe they were going to have a low turn out, anyway, so maybe I helped? lol.

So did I commit a hideous act of bad manners, what do you think?

Erin

*some names have been changed :o)




Edited 10/13/2006 9:37 am ET by happy_mom-0-3

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 8:51am

I have no advice!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:04am

I think that's perfectly fine!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:09am

I think you're o.k. Just last week, I was unsure of something I did with a bday party. We were supposed to get together with the IL's, so the party Molly was invited to was not possible to do. So, I told the mom that we would stop by early with a gift, on our way to the IL's. Well, as it turned out, FIL ended up with bronchitis, so the night before the party, MIL called and cancelled our plans. So, Molly, being the typical 7 y/o pointed out that the party was still possible and could I call and find out if it was o.k. to come after all? So, I did call, feeling a bit funny, but then I put myself in the mom's place (of the bday child) and thought Well, I would never turn down a child to come to a party, even last minute. So, I didn't think anything of it. And the mom called me back (we had to leave a message) and said that her dd was soooooo excited to hear that Molly could make it after all. So, in the end, I think that what you did was quite understandable, especially because of no names being on the invite. I'm sure the mom didn't think about that when she issued the invites, especially forgetting that you have twins. I wouldn't worry about it. She sounded accomodating and understanding. Hope that you all have a great time at the party!!

Hugs,
Wendy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2005
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:17am
I think it would be perfectly fine! If I were that mom I would totally understand! So hopefully she thinks like the rest of us here! LoL


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 9:23am

Thanks for your view, I feel a little better. I think I'll make up a little hostess gift for those throwing the party, that'll help my conscious a little, lol. It looks like 2 families are throwing it together. Have you seen the halloween flashlights at Kohls?! They are so cute! I think I'll go get 4 one for each of my kids and 2 for the gift basket. Get a cute halloween bucket at Target, throw in some candy and *voila*, instant guilt reduction, lol.

Erin

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2005
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 11:08am

"instant guilt reduction" LOL!!!

I think it would be different if Ian was a younger sibling, but the fact that they are twins is going to put them in situations where they will probably do a lot of things together growing up... I mean unless it's a girly girl tea party lol.

I hope they have a good time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 1:23pm
Erin, I think you are ok. I dont see it as being rude or anything. I hope they have fun, it sounds like a great party, can I come too???
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2006
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 1:32pm

I would have done the same thing. I'm a twin and I can remember my mom having situations just like that. You don't want one child to be or feel left out. If it's a boy/girl party and they're all the same age.....why not? Chances are there will be kids there that are friends of both of your kids.

Meghan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 3:00pm

Are you sure that wasn't an invitation addressed to my DH? He'd do great with "ghoulish games and spooky fun", and especially "frightening food." He eats *that* every time I cook!! Maybe the invite was meant for "Michael and Sofia" instead of thrown for "Michael and Sarah" LOL!!

I don't think you were rude. I wouldn't be that bold, but I think it's OK. As a mom of twins, I've pondered the situation where one has to do something without the other. I don't really see anything wrong with it, and they do need to learn they can't always do what their sibling is doing (Justin had a fit last week when Matthew spent the night at a friend's house), but it sounds to me like the moms throwing this party had no problem with your request. It's not rude if you ask, and are OK with them telling you No. What's rude is if you just show up with an extra kid and don't tell them IMHO. But you're not doing that.

Have fun!!

Sofia




Edited 10/13/2006 3:01 pm ET by surfnsand




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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2004
Fri, 10-13-2006 - 3:32pm

I think you did the right thing. Birthday parties are one thing but a Halloween or Christmas party at that age should include both twins. I guess if I were the mom doing the inviting I would have invited both specifically anyways. On top of that the invite includes the parents, so I am guessing that you wouldn't want to find a baby-sitter for Ian while you go to the party. Good for you for speaking up and asking!!

~Jackie

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