Feel like a bad mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Feel like a bad mom
11
Mon, 11-29-2004 - 3:20pm

Hello,
I'm new here. I am mom to Ian born June 11, 2004. Took two years of trying and I am so blessed to have him. He's the most beautiful boy with a great disposition and personality. He smiles easily and I can't believe how much I love him. But then I get into a rut. I used to be a very busy career woman. I have an advanced education and have worked my whole life. I'm very fortunate to have a DH who is able to support family without a second income. For this I am soo greatful and again, VERY FORTUNATE. I know many moms who must work and don't necessarily want to.

But I am starting to get frustrated. I think I'm a horrible mom. I have this wonderful 5 month old but I don't know what to do with him! We read but that gets old fast for him. We play with toys etc. but that also doesn't hold his interest. I can't get him to take naps! It's not that he gets fussy and won't go down, he just doesn't want to take a nap. When he finally does give up and go down it's only for 45 minutes (at the MOST) and by this time I am exhausted and I want a nap. I feed him, (BF until now, will wean completely @ six mos) but that only lasts so long. The rest of the time I don't know what to do! We can only do so much shopping and now it's pretty cold out so walks and beach are out. He doesn't do too well entertaining himself yet but I fear this is my fault. I've held him and tried to attend to him when he cries but many women have told me not to do this, to let him cry/scream and figure out how to take care of himself. I have a hard time doing this, not because crying is bad for him but I feel like he depends on me and when I know I can comfort him I should. I think he knows this as well. I feel guilty when he looks at me with real tears and I do nothing to comfort him! I thought I would be able to do all this stuff as a say home mom but I can't get anything done because I've got him with me all the time. But, I digress. Sometimes I feel like I don't know how to take care of him and that I am not doing it right. Then I feel like I want to have him in daycare so I can maintain my own sense of identity but then I am overwrought with guilt again because I CAN stay home (and feel like I SHOULD) but don't want to. DH wants me to stay home but I don't know. I don't think I'm doing a very good job of being a mother to this sweet little boy because I feel like I don't know how to be his mommy. Then, on top of all this, I feel selfish because I feel like I'm lost, like I don't have any value anymore. I don't feel important anymore. How selfish is that!!!??

Sorry for the ramble. I just had to actually get this outside of me. Boo hoo, I know. I'm not trying to feel sorry for myself I'm just trying to verbalize how I feel.

Thanks for listening,
Reebs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 12-01-2004 - 8:58pm
Hi Jen,
I know you're right that I am second guessing myself and feel sooooo inadequate. I know that I can get past it but, maybe I'm hormonal, but I just feel like I don't know what the Hell I'm doing! At the same time, I look into my son's eyes and he smiles the most beautiful smile and sticks his tongue out at me and I can just tell he is happy, and I just melt! Then I feel so ashamed for feeling like this and I feel loke I shoild be better for this beautiful boy! Wah wah wah. I need to toughen up and get myself together for my baby. You're very kind for saying these things. Thank you for listening.
Reebs

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