feeling used

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
feeling used
15
Sun, 11-19-2006 - 8:09pm

Been a long time since I posted here so I'll re-intro myself: I'm Sandy, SAHM to DD16, SS15 and DS3 (almost 4)...with another SS living w/ BM.

I clean, take care of running kids around....all the usual stuff.

I just want to know.... do *I* get a day off? It seems I have to *go away* somewhere to get any time that I don't have to worry if the dog/cats/fish have been feed..heck, before I even get to go to the bathroom first thing it's take the dog out (so he doesn't pee on flour), then feed cats(inside one and outside) then fish, then get breakfast started...all before I get to go.... I really am scared ***SOMETHING** is buiding inside. I DO NOT want to go back to work....but yet I want every1 else to realize that I do not just sit on my butt all day long.

LOL Little one knocking on door now.... gotta go. there ya go. end my day also with "mommie mommie mommie"

Am I a bad Mom to just want a break??>?>>?

Sandy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2006
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 9:06pm

I am a SAHM with 4 kids (DS 13,DD9,DS6,DD3) and I am crazy enough to do home daycare.

I used to feel guilty or selfish for wanting me time. It bugged me that my husband just did things- even walked out to talk to a neighbour across the street or went and took an hour long shower- while I literally had to beg for 15 minutes once a week for a bath!

I am always with kids- running errands, while cleaning, while cooking, walking back and forth to school as well as planning games, reading, etc.

If you don't get time for yourself- and sometimes you need to be "selfish" and demand it, you will explode. Or at least I felt that way.

I love my kids and the children I care for. But my fantasy is to be on a deserted island with just myself and a few good books.

One thing that saved my sanity is to talk with other moms while our kids play at park. I am a little shy, but I have forced myself to be bold and to talk to other moms, this is a social time for me. I used to thing too that I had to spend every minute entertaining my kids- now I make sure they can get started at activities with minimal supervision. Not all the time, but every once in a while I need to recharge.

As well, one half hour of an educational video will not damage your children's development. Kids need a mom who is calm and relaxed and who takes care of herself.

Anyways, you are not selfish, take care of yourself, so you can take care of your little one.

P.S. I know what you mean about people thinking we do nothing all day. There are days I am on the go from 6 am to 6:30 Pm with no sitting down, no coffee breaks etc.

All the best
Tina

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Mon, 11-20-2006 - 10:58pm
My daughter is only 2 and I realized that sahm's never get a break right away. You can't call out sick you have to go to the bathroom with the door open, wait until they are sleeping to shower, forget the gym. Cooking a meal in peace is nearly impossible. Being a mom is about joy and unconditional love, but about sacrifice too. I only have one with one more on the way and I don't know how you handle 4! Go you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 12:05pm

Dear Sandy


I sure hope that you aren't a bad mom because that would make a lot of us bad moms as well!!


It is much harder than I thought staying at home - at least dh gets some downtime while commuting, going out to lunch or the gym, having a laugh with co-workers and then he has me trying to make his evening easier instead of handing the baby right off to him.


Good luck


Hugs


Shannon

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4yrs ttc


2 IUI's, 3 IVF's, 1 FET - finally got my BFP on IVF #4!!

4yrs ttc

2

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 4:35pm
i took an oath when i was about 28 never to have pets, again, because they require too much work and i can't do it. Mind you i had also just moved to a country filled with stray cats following me home, my best friend and roomate at the time made me swear not to take any on. And it has helped me not have extra work. We all need time off, the teens can be ok, and would love the time away from you too, probably. The three year old either the teens can sit or recruit your hubby if there is no sitter and just go anywhere on your own. I know it is hard to find the time, and to do stuff, that we enjoy, when we feel we need to do for everyone, but, we can always try or else we have a core melt down and have to take time off cause we are acting insane, and then they lock us up :)
good luck finding some time for your self,
arie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2005
Tue, 11-21-2006 - 10:03pm

<<<<>>>>>

that's what I'm afraid of! lmao

Looking at joining a gym...at least that'll give me a hour to myself.

Thanks!
Sandy

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