First time Stay at home Mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
First time Stay at home Mom
11
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 2:32pm

Hi all:

Can you please knock some sense into me? I have worked all my life and have accomplished a lot at 34. My manager at work left and was replaced with a monster. So, I took that opportunity to stay home and focus on the baby.

I have to say that I don't feel that I'm doing a good job at being a mother. I'm not sure if I'm reading to him enough or if I am generally a good mother. I'm a first time mom, a first time stay at home mom to an 11 month old. I think I'm still adjusting to my new lifestyle.

also, I know that I'm adding value somewhere, but I don't see it yet. Because I got used to working, sometimes I can't help but feel useless, i.e., wasting my skills. How can I look at and appreciate this new life differently? Please let me know.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 3:30pm

((Hugs)) First off your child is still a little young to see to many rewards. I look at my kids and see how happy they are and how well adjusted they seem to be. I have 5 kids ranging in age from

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Avatar for lovetwins2003
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2003
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 5:41pm

Hi:
Happy to knock sense in to you! If I may, see yourself as being on the entry level of a new company or organization. There is the opportunity to reap huge rewards, but you must put in time and effort. You may not realize the full potentional of this opportunity until later on. Building a great organization takes time for many reasons. And don't forget... nothing fails like success. It may not always be easy, but nothing worthwhile really is.

I would like to first mention that the mere fact that you are wondering if you are doing enough reading, playing, etc... is a huge indicator that you are a great mom. It's the ones who don't seem to mind what their kids are doing that make me wonder :-)

Next, I have a question. Do you value daycare providers, teachers, entrepreneurs, nurses, chefs, organizers, housekeepers, and philanthropists? Do you think they are relevant in society and provide valuable services? Make no mistake. Just because you do not generate income does not mean you aren't valuable. You will be doing much of what is entailed in these careers and much more as a stay at home mom. I find it funny how valuable these careers seem to many, yet choosing to do these things for your own family is seen by many as not being valuable at all. I see many times devaluing the job of a SAHM is the product of envy, jealousy and most sadly ignorance. JMHO.

Finally, I know I couldn't stand the thought of anyone else caring for my children. I can do it best and am extremely proud of what I do. I am adding so much more to society in my role at home that I would personally in a career outside of the home. I feel sorry for others who can't seem to make it work for them and would like to. My children are the most important thing in the world to me and I am dedicating my life, for as long as I can, to ensuring first hand that they have the best support in their endeavours. My support. In my free time, I will do the work that many others may not be able to by volunteering.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 7:53pm

Aw, hugs new SAHMommy! We've all been there, wondering if we're doing enough XYZ, and maybe even too much LMNOP! (notice the second was longer!?) It does take a bit for the results of your influence to show, heck, your sweet little kidlet is only 11 months, so you've got a ways to go before he starts doing things mommy-ish. But I tell you what, the moment you hear an often spoken phrase of yours come out his mouth, you'll see your sought after results (thankyouverymuch Dan and his sailor pottymouth!!grr)

Just remember, and keep saying to yourself if need be. Your possition at work is replaced in a snap, by at least a dozen equally if not more qualified than you. Your possition as mommy in your sons life is irreplaceable. No one else can do for him what mom can. NOBODY!

(more later, Christopher 7mo is crying!)

ETA:

It's later. Hope you're settling in here on this board, the ladies here are wonderful! And please stop by chat if kidlets allow!




Edited 5/17/2006 12:43 pm ET by dansfoxywife

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Tue, 05-16-2006 - 10:37pm

So well said, for once I have nothing to add! lol


Well done!


Traci

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 9:21am

You guys are the best. Thank you so much. I really feel better now. Thanks for shedding some light. It's great to hear this first hand from other SAHMs. It helps to know that it will take time before I see the results of my hardwork. I do hope that I'm doing a good job at home. I like what lovetwins said about SAHMs being irreplaceable. Now that I think about it, it is so true.

I guess part of the reason I doubted myself is because I've always been a career woman and never pictured myself as a SAHM. I didn't even think I'd have a baby. But when fate steps in...

I love my baby (and hubby). And I'll continue to do my best for them. Lately, I've been researching recipes for baby. :)

If you think of anything else, please post. Thanks again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 9:26am
I stand corrected...dansfoxywife said that "irreplaceable" comment. You all gave very valuable and helpful advice. You have no idea how nice it makes me feel. A good confidence booster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 10:18am

I just wanted to chime in cause my daughter is also 11 months (well, she'll be one in 9 days) so I know what you mean.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 10:45am
Everyday I wonder if I am doing enough as a mom or a sahm.
I let my kids tell me. They are the best ones to know.
I let them do what they want and when I am needed I am here. They get love, fed, changed, bathed and all that fun stuff. All the rest is up to them.
I think we all doubt if we are doing enough being home, but let your son be the judge on some of it, he will let you know somehow.

BY the way, congrats on becoming a sahm.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 11:58am
I think everyone pretty much nailed it for ya, so I just wanted to offer some ((((HUGS)))) and say welcome to the board!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2001
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 7:53pm
That is exactly right! I don't miss the stress at work. Regardless of all the hardwork and running around with my baby, my mind is more relaxed. Case in point, even though I only had 4 hours of sleep last night, I don't feel tired. No deadlines, no politics and more importantly, no jerks/witches to deal with. LOL! Thanks for your perspective.

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