give up job to stay at home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
give up job to stay at home?
9
Sat, 08-04-2007 - 11:04pm
Hi all,
I'm new here and have been working with 2 young kids (9months and 2.5 yrs old). I have been thinking about being a stay at home mom, but have been working up the corporate ladder at the same time. Is it crazy of me to give up a 6 figure salary and live paycheck to paycheck off my husband's salary to stay home until the kids are a bit older? I'm struggling with this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 8:15am

Welcome to the board. I am Ana, SAHM to Bella. Prior to staying home I was a high school teacher.

You are asking a question, that truthfully only you can really answer. Some of us always knew we would stay home, others (myself included) decided when we were presented with the possibility.

I can only speak for myself, but it was a very difficult (yet amazingly simple) decision to make. A lot of things went into the decision, the fact that I don't remember my mom being around a lot, watching my sister when her daughter started calling the babysitter gramma but not referring to my sister as anything. And then finally when I learned my daughter would need some extra attention due to a very minor birth defect.

So, I guess what I am saying to you, is look at your life and make the decision. I am a firm believer (unlike some other moms) that SAHMhood is not for everyone. It really isn't. It is a decision that we all have to make based on what WE need in our lives.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 1:55pm
The best thing to do is sit and make your pros and cons list. Figure out what you would be missing out on either way. It is a difficult decision for many, but hopefully you can decide on something that works for your family. Everyone is different. It is hard giving up that money, but remember children are only little once. I wish you the best on whatever decision you make. Trish :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 3:33pm

Deciding whether or not to stay home depends on a lot of different factors and is different for every mom. For me it was an easy decision. I was not making a huge income and we could live off of my husband's income. After I paid daycare I would have brought home a few hundred dollars which would, in turn, be gas money, lunch money and clothes money for my work. I would be working long hours for practically no money in the end and it wasn't worth it to me to miss out on my kids for a few hundred dollars.

Staying home has it's benefits and it's hardships. I love being with my kids. I love playing with them, taking them to the park, seeing all of their achievements. My son who is almost two is really starting to talk and communicate and that is so much fun. My daughter just passed three months and is starting to roll over, laugh, and communicate in her own way. I definitely think that being a stay-at-home mom is right for me. Of course, with being a SAHM I am the primary one responsible for taking care of the home, cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, paying bills, and tending to just about everything. I don't get days off, I don't get breaks. I feel like I am constantly "on the clock" so to speak. But it's worth it, in my opinion, for what I get back.

I know that we do have to make sacrifices to stay at home. We don't have the luxury of going out and spending money whenever we want. We eat at home almost 100% of the time. I don't get to go out and buy new clothes when I want to, usually things like that are saved for bonus checks or tax return season when we have that extra money available. And it can get stressful when money gets tight, especially since I start thinking that maybe things wouldn't be tight if I were working. But I believe that being at home with my kids is the best thing for them and for our family. And I believe the sacrifices we make are worth it.

Okay, I've rambled on long enough. Take care!

Tarra

Tarra

mommy to

Noah (10/13/05)

and

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2007
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 5:08pm
I agree that you ultimately have to make the decision whether or not to SAHM - it's a hugely personal decision - but as someone who was making well over 6 figures before I stayed at home, I'd say think very seriously before giving up the kind of income. I think it's a MUCH simpler decision if someone wasn't making that much to begin with. The simple fact is, that extra income is such a cushion, if something goes wrong with your DH's job, or God forbid, if there's an illness or emergency. Even if everything is fine, babies are hugely expensive, and you might find that your salary comes in very handy in terms of providing for your child. Also $100K+ per year is college/retirement money that you're giving up, and while children are only young once, they'll be happiest if their mother is fulfilled. You can spend tons of time with them without SAH. And it's worse, IMO, not to be able to provide them with a college/graduate school education later on. I know more than one set of parents with a SAHM mom who are now scrambling to come up with college tuition in 7 years or less. (They grow up fast). It is not easy to regain momentum you've lost. The people who say "You can always go back to work" aren't generally thinking of the high-powered corporate jobs where once you're off, it's very hard to get back to that salary. I happen to be lucky as I have independent means that we still draw on as needed, but if I did not, I wouldn't have jumped so fast to depend on my DH. (You also want to consider how the dynamic of your relationship will change once he's making all the money). Even more importantly, no matter what your financial situation, think carefully before giving up the career success you've worked very hard to attain. I was very proud of what I'd accomplished, and I wanted to keep that level of mental stimulation. So I still work part-time, and I really suggest you either do that or work full-time for a while and see how it goes. If you hate it, you can always work out a different arrangement. There's no rule that says you have to quit as soon as the baby arrives. Best of luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 5:10pm
I left a position as an administrator making almost double the average income around here to stay home when my child turned 2. I have no regrets. In my opinion, ambitious people will always have opportunities when kids are older to get those jobs. Your kids are only little once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 5:15pm
This is true. My child was 2 years old before I quit work and decided to stay home. It was hard turning down that kind of money, but I also didn't like that my child preferred everyone but me and I felt like I always had a stand in. I missed reunions, egg hunts, trips to the library, etc. I want my children to depend on me to be there and to teach them Godly morals.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sun, 08-05-2007 - 10:05pm
thank you for everyone's support and advise. While my job has been my priority and have worked super hard to get promoted every year, i find that my life at home is chaotic and very stressful. I'm really leaning toward slowing things down to stay home with my kids for maybe 2 years and try to get back into the workplace as they become a little more self sufficient. I still have a week to decide.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 1:43pm

I have a BA & an MBA & was in the workforce 12 years before my daughter was born.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2004
Mon, 08-06-2007 - 7:22pm
It is hard especially when you are ambitious and good at what you do, which honestly where I was. However, I finally realized that my child was more important than those I worked with. His time and development is my responsibility now and they don't have a say in our work decisions. You can't go wrong if you are taking care of your kids.