to the "good ol' days" of partying~

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
to the "good ol' days" of partying~
4
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 8:37pm
ok, i may be the only one who finds this hysterical, but then again i may not. my party-hearty bro sent this to me and i'm still lmao...


Dear Alcohol,

First and foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My

friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work

cocktail, a beer with the game, and you're even around in the holidays

hidden inside chocolates as you warm us while we're stuck in the midst

of endless family gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions.

While I want to believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel

that your influence has led to some unwise consequences, briefed below

for your review.

1. Phone Calls: While I agree with you that communication is important,

I question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity

takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that

I eat a kabob with chili sauce, along with a big Italian hoagie & some

stale chips (washed down with chocolate Nesquik & topped off with a Kit Kat,

all after a few cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater,

but I think you went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do

more yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home

by causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black &

blue marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.

Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front

door key into the lock.

4. Pictures: This can be a blessing in disguise, as it can often clarify

the last point below, but the following costumes are banned from ever

being placed on my head in public again: Indian wigs, sombreros, bows, ties,

boxes, upside-down cups, inflatable balloon animals, traffic cones, or

bras. Also, what is with you making me take pictures with people I

clearly don't like when I'm sober, yet they suddenly become my best

friends when a flash is presented?

5. Beer Goggles: If I think I may know him/her from somewhere, I most

likely do not. Please do not request that I go over & see if in fact, I

do actually know that person. The phrase "Let's F***" is illegal from now

on. While I may be thinking this, please reinstate the brain-to-mouth-block

that would stop this thought from becoming a statement, specially in

public. Please stop me from talking to the guy/girl with the crooked

teeth, acned-up face, bad breath, beer belly, etc. Why are they so appealing to

me while I'm with you & why are they so disgusting to me the next morning

after you have worn off??

6. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting

ridiculous. I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in

order, but the 3 p.m. hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My

entire day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken

(water, vitamin B, bread products, aspirin) prior to going to bed/passing out facedown on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal & in no way interfere with my daily Saturday or Sunday (or any day for that matter) activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like

to ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great

stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion

when I just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets. In order

to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my grievances

above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no later

than Thursday 3 p.m. (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions & hopefully

we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you, from your biggest fan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
That is a crack up! I forwarded it to a bunch of friends!!!

Adrienne, SAHM to Aidan, 2/27/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 12:01am

LOL...That is so funny! It got me to thinking of the last time I visited with my "friend" I actually have a pic! lol


It was right after a concert. I went to see the band "live" I think this is an example of #4. Don't put on make up after you have had a visit from you friend...you will NOT LOOK GOOD. LOL

Are you a M.O.M-Mom of Many? Find other M.O.M's

Avatar for jennyberm
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
WooHoo! Sexy Mama!

Jenny

Proud Mommy to Cameron (8/4/01) and

Cassia (7/15/03)





*HUGS* TOTAL!
give jennyberm more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Very cute :)

Lilypie Baby Days

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting