guilty when DH spends time with baby?

Avatar for banjobraids
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
guilty when DH spends time with baby?
7
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 11:25pm
I am a new SAHM with a 2 mo DD, I'm also a first time mom so this is all new to me. I'm enjoying staying home a lot, and DH and I don't have many issues between us. He takes care of the baby a lot and gives me plenty of time to myself. The problem is, whenever he is taking care of her I feel GUILTY. Like it's my job to take care of DD and he's doing me a huge favor by taking her. He loves to spend time with her and they have a very special relationship. Everytime they are together though I can't relax, I feel like I'm being selfish for taking time to myself or "leaving" her with DH. It's so silly, but I can't shake the feeling. I've talked to him about it and he's told me not to feel that way AT ALL, he values his time with her so much since he has to work all day. I just don't know why I feel this way and I'm hoping it goes away with time.

Claire & Baby Liberty 2/18/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 8:04am
I think we all feel like this sometimes. Especially when the baby is new and we are trying to get used to things. My ds is 15 mo old and there are times when I hand him to dh when he walks in the door from work. My dh will go play with him so I can have some me time. I will grab a magazine or watch tv, but it isn't long before I feel guilty and can't enjoy my alone time. I usually go watch dh play with ds and it always makes me smile! Congrats on your new baby!

Tanya
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 12:22pm
Not only should you not feel guilty about DH spending time with your daughter, you should be glad that he is obviously such a good Dad who WANTS to be with her! I think that we as SAHMs tend to get into the habit of thinking that we are the only ones who really know how to raise our children (since we are the ones who are with them most of the time), and that whan our husbands take care of them, they are only "babysitting." I have heard more than one friend talk about going out and having her husband "watch" or "babysit" the children. This attitude robs our husbands of the chance to do what they need to be doing - raising their children alongside us. Having a stable, loving relationship with both parents is a wonderful gift for your child - don't let whatever guilty feelings you have rob your daughter of this gift! And believe me, we will have enough valid insecurities about raising our children without inventing other reasons to feel guilty! LOL Congrats on your new baby - and good luck!

Paige

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 1:41pm

I think most of us feel that way and it is only natural for us to do so.
My husband comes home from being gone 3 weeks and he is so helful with everything, especially the kids and it drives me up the wall!! LOL
I know I should enjoy the help he gives me, but I feel that I should be cleaning the bathroom, doing the dishes and taking care of the kids, since I stay home all day and do nothing, and he works so hard.
But just so you know, you are not alone in feeling that way. Just remember, he would not do it if he didn't love doing it and want to :) Count your lucky stars that he is so helpful

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 2:50pm
You are so lucky to have a man that willingly offers to look after the baby! The only time my husband does is when I say "Okay - I'm stressed out now and I need a break!" He will watch her for about an hour and then say, "It's your turn to watch her again!" I don't even have time to feel guilty about not watching her for that hour, but the time away from her is good for me because when I get back to watching her I am destressed and happier with her and can enjoy her more. You know, it's possible that your husband feels guilty because you watch your dd all day, maybe he feels that he should spend some time bonding with her and giving you a bit of a break. He probably misses her so much during the day that when he comes home he wants to hold her and help take care of her. Enjoy your "YOU" time. As the baby grows older you will become more appreciative of his help because there will be times when you need it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 7:06pm
I went through the exact same feelings when my DS was about the same age. I desperately needed a little me time, but felt so terrible about asking my DH to help out that I was running myself into the ground. Finally one night after I'd spent hours getting DS to sleep and shrugging off DH's offers to help, he came to me practically in tears begging me to let him have some time with his son. I felt awful, because as soon as he said it I realized that every time he tried to lend a hand I would just work that much harder at getting it done on my own. I felt that a SAHM should be able to flawlessly handle everything. I'm SO over feeling that way - now I start to feel guilty if I don't give DH and DS their own time. DH is putting DS to bed right now - something he does nearly every night.

This isn't 1952 and we're not single moms - so give up the guilt and be thrilled that you have a good man who wants to be a good father!

Michelle

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Avatar for banjobraids
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 7:00pm
Thanks everyone, I am feeling better knowing that it's normal to feel this way. DH really does need his time with DD, he misses her all day. I went grocery shopping for an hour last night and felt like i went on a vacation to Hawaii when I got back. It is refreshing.

Claire & Baby Liberty 2/18/04

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 9:15pm
Wow you said it! My BIGGEST pet peeve is when guys say they are "babysitting"! UGH! I do say my DH watches them though. I always thought that didn't sound so bad. ;) I completely agree with your post though!

Angie