hard being a wife AND a mother.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2004
hard being a wife AND a mother.
21
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:29pm
my husband and i married when i was 6 months preg. before preg, our sex life was fantastic and since the baby i just can't seperate myself from motherhood long enough to bring physical romance back into my relationship. i should mention that my son is already 1 yr old. i didn't think much of it until the 5 month mark, when it really started to affect my marriage. i'm w/ my son all day, i am his jungle gym,and we're playing 1 y/o games and i'm doing house work when i can fit it in. i just don't feel very sexy wearing the same clothes 2 days in a row because i didn't have time or energy for a shower the night before. at this point i feel like if i never had sex again, that would be ok w/ me. we have been intimate about 12 in 12 months. is there something wrong w/ me? i really need advise!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 2:35pm
HI THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU ,YOU ARE STILL GOING THROUGH A CHANGE. MY SON IS ALMOST 3,I JUST BECOME A STAY AT HOME MOM ABOUT 5MONTHS AGO.OUR SEX LIFE HAS CHANGE BIG TIME . IF I'M NOT JUST PLAIN TIRED,THEN I JUST WANT TO RELAXE. HE GETS MAD &HE IS NOT HAS DEPRIVED AS HE THINKS,BUT HE THINKS HE IS. I SAY LET THEM BE US FOR A WEEK &SEE WHAT THEYTHINK &FEEL.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 3:32pm
hey, ya got me beat...i'm like 5 for 12
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 3:48pm
Girl, you are not alone.

After having children, things will change and never be the same.

After taking care of a child all day, who wants to waste time thinking of sex lol

It will all slow down and things with your sex life will get better. Your child is still young and you are quite busy all day, so who blames you.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 3:49pm
I know exactly what you mean, and how you feel. I am getting better, but before now I was experiencing the same thing. I have a 2.5 y/o and an 11 mos old, and after staying home all day, and being lucky to get a shower every other day it's HARD to feel in the mood for anything but sleep.

My DH doesn't understand that if I don't feel sexy, the last thing I want to do is have sex. He thinks that because I used to be a whenever, wherever type of person that nothing should change just b/c of the kids. He hasn't changed as much as I have since the kids were born, but he also doesn't have the same amount of responsibility for them b/c he works outside the home.

I am a WAHM/SAHM so I have to raise my children, build my business, and keep up the house, while trying to make time for my marriage, and he thinks I have it EASY!!! His job is 7:30-4:00, and then he comes home, my job is 24/7. I think it's just a man thing!!

I think I have to agree w/ Jeff Foxworthy on this one, He said " Before you have kids if you have the choice between sleep and sex you choose sex, but when you have kids you choose slepp and just hope to have a dream about sex" Can I get an AMEN?

Just keep your head up, and hopefully your DH will begin to understand how it really is for you, and be more understanding. Have you guys had a chance to get an overnight date?

I know that really made a difference for my DH and me.

HTH,

Michelle

Michelle Damien & Kai's mom

www.momswin.com/homewithyourkids

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 7:23pm
Girl, you are so not alone!! I think we all feel that way!! I mean have a 3 yr old step son who is always crawling all over me, plus my 6 month old baby girl who nurses all day and loves to snuggle. I get so much intamicy from her, its hard to want it when my husband comes home - and we are only in our early 20's!!! Not to mention that if we do find the time, we are banished to the couch because my daughter sleeps in my bed, and my step son has the only other bedroom!! I also feel on most days that I could probably go without sex forever - but when I make myself go through with it, Im always glad I did. Its nice to reconnect with him. Keep your chin up, Im sure your sex life will improve!! good luck!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 8:06pm
AMEN!!!!! Sex is not a high priority when it's 904pm and I've just finished changing the beds. My 1 year old is cranking with teething. I haven't had a shower since Tuesday and besides the teething DS also has acid reflux and hasn't slept for more than 2 hours at a time in months
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Thu, 01-29-2004 - 8:47pm
Oh man do I feel better. My DH thinks that Im home all day so "at least I get to relax" while hes at work. That I should be raring(sp?) to go when he wants sex. Well I think not. I have a 3 month old little boy that feels since he sleeps through the night that he doesnt have to sleep during the day so therefore, i have to be around him all the time because he doesnt like being left alone and either i am feeding him or playing with him or doing housework or packing boxes (moving to florida) or some other household work, and I also have an 8 yr old, that needs my attention too for homework or just mommy time. But when mister gets home wifey has to be sweet smelling, sexy, and full of energy...........Give me a break!!! Like many of you ladies said, I'm lucky if I get to shower every other day. And the, literally, couple of times I have "given" in, and I dont get to sleep till about 12 or 1 in the morning, he wonders why I am extremely exhausted the next day. Ok, thats my vent on the subject. :-) To the first poster: Just know that you are definitely not alone!!!

Many hugs,

Rosie


Edited 1/30/2004 10:47:54 PM ET by jellibean76

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 12:33am
Yes, you are definately not alone!! Though I often feel that way too. I have a 21 month old and it takes all I have to keep up with her and the house. I barely have time for myself. Also lucky to get a shower in every other day. It is hard to feel sexy when all of this is going on. It is hard to turn that all off and enjoy. I do have to admit that when I do give in it is great and I am glad I did. I wouldn't change this for all the world. I love being a stay at home Momma. My hormones have been so messed up since the birth. I barely get over my period then the next one starts uggghhhh!!!! hang in there. My hubby is finally starting to understand after 11 years of marriage. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 9:16am
This post is completely blowing my mind! I just never heard of anyone saying they "get enough intimacy with the kids", to me it's like black and white, two completely different kinds of closeness. I have a 5 year old and a 3 month old DD, and I guess I should feel lucky that DH & I have sex as much as ever, even after 2 kids. But I just never knew that women seriously felt like this after kids. Granted I didn't feel much in the mood for the first month, but that second month (after both of my DDs) it was he)# not being able to fool around. I must be the odd woman out! I do agree though with the poster that suggested overnight dates whenever possible. That is a major thing for DH & I. Date nights and overnights, are absolutely a necessity for us. I think too many moms fall into that "I'm just a mommy now" trap and it's like setting up your marriage for a gigantic fall. Try to look at it from your DH's perspective. Not only are you giving lots of attention to the baby but you are shutting him out. That is bad for your marriage. Don't be afraid to get counseling ladies! It is worth it to save your marriage and your own sexual self-image!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
Fri, 01-30-2004 - 9:20am
Come on people. I hate to sound like this big ball of negative energy but I am utterly flabbergasted. A shower every other day if you're lucky? And you're stay at home moms? I don't understand that at all. I will take my DD into the bath with me if I have to but if I am not bathed, moisturized, and feeling/smelling great every day I turn into an utter witch! It is a choice. You can make it your priority. Believe me I've been there.

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