Has anyone ever heard of this?
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| Tue, 10-17-2006 - 3:39pm |
When I was pregnant with my twins, and found out I was having identical girls, I was at a barbecue at my brother's house. My SIL (brother's wife) hates me for no reason, and always has. She's one of those people who makes veiled snide poisonous comments behind a smile. For example, Michael gave me a tennis bracelet for our anniversary one year, and I never take it off. She told me it was pretty, and then went on to say to my mom: "What would someone need a bracelet like THAT for?" Right in front of me and Michael! (And of course, my mom agrees with her!!). And when we moved into our house in 2000, she came to check it out. I'd chosen a pale sand color for the carpets. She said the carpets were nice and soft, but I was crazy to pick such a pale color with Matthew (he was our only kid then). Just mean stuff like that. So anyway, I was at this barbecue with her, and she put her hand on my pregnant stomach, and said "That's too bad they're identical twins. You know identical twins always get picked on and teased in school." It was such a hurtful comment that it has stayed with me for 3.5 years!!
Well, my mom called me up this morning, and began talking about when I was going to put the girls in preschool (they turned 3 last month). She loves my SIL to death, and is very close to her. She then went on to say to me "I hope you and Michael are going to put them in separate schools all the way through, because Chrissy says if you don't, they're going to get bullied and picked on." Of course we weren't planning on putting them in separate schools! I can't believe she just said that again, and told my mom, no less! Or maybe I *should* believe it, knowing how she is!! But again, I just felt so hurt, even though I know I shouldn't.
She upset me so much, I actually hung up the phone and started crying. I called Michael at work, and he was too busy to really talk, but told me just to blow it off, and why was I listening to a word she says? And he's right. I talked to him a little more about it when I went to have lunch with him at the hospital, and he said he doesn't think it's true, and Chrissy's just saying it to get under my skin and get my mom riled up as usual, and for me please not to give it a second thought. But of course, I can't let it go that easily. I don't have that ability, LOL!
Have any of you ever heard this? What has been your experience if you've known identical twins either now or growing up? Is this something I should know of, being the mom to identical twins, like common knowlege or something? I'm going to run this by my Twins' Club, but also thought I'd ask all of you wise mommies. I'm just feeling really hurt, and a little worried for my girls' future. I can't imagine that there would be anything more painful than having your precious kids picked on.
My SIL is so mean, and I've never done anything to her. I've come to discover that she's jealous of me, although she would never admit it. That's the general consensus amongst my sisters, anyway, and it seems to be the case. She never has anything nice to say to me. She tells my mom and brother, and the rest of my family that I think I'm too good for everyone, I'm a snob, my kids are spoiled, etc. At the same time, she's inappropriate with my DH, flirting with him to the point that about a year ago, he had to put a stop to it, and told her she needed help, and he is not one to confront people if he can help it, so it was really getting out of hand. And I'm about 99% sure she has cheated on my brother. I love my brother dearly, and I love my niece and nephew (their kids), but my SIL really gets under my skin. She knows my buttons (my kids and my husband) and likes to push them. And she gets my mom on her side against me, when I already have a tough relationship with my mom. . . I really try not to let her get to me, but today she did!!
:(
Sofia


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Sofia, she sounds like a jealous cow to me?
I went to school with a few set of identical twins, even a set of triplets. None of them were ever teased, in fact, they were always extremly popular because people thought they were cool. One set of girls that I was friends with asked around 5th grade, if they could be in separate classes. They wanted that so they could have some individual experiences, but no, they were never teased.
Tell her and your mom to mind thier own business. That is so rude of them to say those things to you. sorry you have to deal with them.
Sofia,
WOW! That is horrible! You know we all have those few in-laws that can drive us crazy somtimes. I really can't imagine what exactly you are going through, but I can try and give some advice on the little that I know about Identical Twins.
First off your SIL definitely has something against you, what? I don't know. There is no reason for anyone to be as nasty as she is being to you. Not to get you going even more about this issue but maybe she's trying to become extremely close with your mother and kind of push you away, almost like trying to replace you for a "better" daughter. I know that's a horrible thing to say or even think but my god by the things you said it really would make me wonder.
I knew a set of identical twins my whole childhood growning up. They were in the same grade as me. Actually they should have been a grade ahead but I guess what happened was one didn't pass kindergarten and they held back both kids for the purpose of not making one feel bad that she wasn't as good or smart as the other child. I think the idea of doing this was great! I mean the parents are the ones that came up with the idea and talked it over with the school. Why wouldn't you want your children together through school and definitely in the same school. I've never heard of such a silly thing in my life, to put twins in seperate schools. Anyway they were both very good looking girls all through their school years. I actually went to the same high school as they did too. I can tell you one thing these girls were far from being teased. They were extremely popular! Well I'd have to say more than I was for sure. They were excelent cheerleaders all through middle school and high school. And everyone always refered to them as the twins. They had alot of friends and were very nice girls. I know this is only one story about twins but I'm sure you'll hear plenty more to ease your mind about what your SIL is saying.
I don't know it may just be me, but I can't even believe someone would even think up something so ridiculous about identical twins. It doesn't matter if two children look alike growning up in school, it shouldn't be any different for them growing up than for any other single child. Granted there are some very mean children who do choose to pick on and tease different kids for alot of reasons I'm sure we all know that. But for a child to pick on another because they have an identical sibling doesn't sound likely. Actually when I first met them I kinda thought it was neat that they looked alike and I had to find ways to differ between the two for awhile until I got to know them better. I never thought it was weird or a reason to make fun.
I wouldn't let your SIL stress you out about this issue, I'm sure your twins will have a perfectly normal childhood experience in school.
Jenna
Hi Sophia,
Please don't invest any more energy or attention to what your SIL has to say. What a jealous b&%!ch to put it nicely. I went to school with 2 sets of identical twins, and they were not teased at all, on the other hand both sets were very popular! Most if not all people think twins are intriguing, me being one of them! :) It would be awkward and out of the ordinary to separate twins in school. One of my good friends is also an identical twin (we bacame friends at work) both sisters work at the same company, and they are very close. I could not imagine they ever wanting to be separted. I am sorry your SIL is so conniving, hopefully someday your mom will see thru it! All that matters is what you and your husband thinks is best for your children.
Goodluck!
Before I read your whole post I thought to myself....That is one jealous SIL!! I think she has a serious issue and you should tell her if she has nothing nice to say to say nothing at all.
I went to school with twins and everyone thought they were quite neat. I do not think twins get teased. The only decision you have to make is separate classrooms or not. Some schools prefer to separate twins to allow them some time apart to develop their individuality. If you think that it would not be good for your twins, then you can step in. *I know a girl who has fraternal twin girls who's school/daycare separated them and she was upset thinking the girls would not do well. Turns out they enjoy their time apart and makes them happier to see each other at the end of the day*
twin girls getting teased?? Are you kidding me! LOL all the twin girls i've known are popular lol! Take what she says with a grain of salt b/c she is obviously jealous!
::ETA:: My hats on sorry I just noticed there are no flags where I've posted! ack back to the doorstep to take it off sorry!
Sofia,
First of all is sounds like your SIL is just a mean and spiteful person.
Oh, honey, (((((HUGS))))). You are such a caring, understanding person, that you sound like you just have a hard time accepting the fact that there ARE mean people out there - your SIL being number one! I'm sooo sorry that she mistreats you. It sounds like she is insecure, jealous and a bully - and a bit immature. I realize that telling yourself these things doesn't ease the pain of how she treats you. Not to mention, she tosses in your mom, too. Your mom should be ashamed of herself. You are her daughter, and she should be more supportive of you. How is her relationship with your sisters? Does your Mom (or your SIL for that matter) behave the same way towards them? IMHO, they both need some serious help. Have you ever stood up to her, or your brother? I think you can be forgiving for only so long, before you snap. Would it be beneficial to just have it out with her, and if you lose what relationship you have with her (and possibly your mom) then so be it? Hugs hon - I wish I had some magic potion to pour over your SIL, like the wicked witch and she would melt away!! LOL!
As for the twins - I think the decisions you and Michael have made for your family are fabulous - you have 4 happy, healthy children. If you want to put them in the same school - go ahead. After all, it is only pre-school. You will then have the guidance of many teachers/counselors, etc to get you thru all of their schooling. I'm quite sure that they have experience with twins/triplets, etc. They are not a rarity by any stretch of the imagination. I've never heard of identical twins needing to be separated - duh - she is NOT an expert on identical twins - why would she know ANYTHING about them? I would ask her where she gets her extreme knowledge in this area. I dare you to!! LOL (can you tell I had wine with dinner?).
Hugs hon - I hope I've been of some help. You need to either just get in her face and tell her to get out of yours (and out of your mom's a%&) or to leave you alone!!
Phew - nobody picks on my sister-friends!!
Hugs,
Wendy
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