Have a dilemma....

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Have a dilemma....
5
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 1:59pm

Ok, so here's what's going on, and I'm not sure how to approach this:

My husband works with alot of people that we socialize w/, and many of them are mutual friends of our family as well. There is one girl that he works w/ whom I got to know through visiting my husband at work, we've gone out w/ her & her husband a few times. She's nice, we get along, last week my hub came home from work and was upset about something that happened w/ this girl. My husband does new hire oreintation at his job and there's a new intern from a local college, and she got assigned to the same department as my husband (he works on an air force base in govt security, a civilan job) anyway, so this intern has to be trained by him. My hub is 28, this girl is 20, so anyway, he's had to spend alot of time w/ her, training her and I guess lately she's been having lunch break w/ him & this girl that's a friend of ours. Well, apparently our friend has been making comments to my hub about how he spends so much time working w/ this intern and that she is very young and he's going to give her the wrong idea. He has no choice but to work w/ her, he has to train her! I guess he told her off and said give me a break, and she told him "What if I tell your wife what your doing?" My husband said, "Go ahead tell her, I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm doing my job." and our friend I guess teases him at work all day that he's got a intern crush, and she's his little girlfriend...she also pulled this intern aside and told her that my hub has a wife and family and new baby on the way, to give the intern the idea that she was being inappropriate...I'm so pissed b/c I know my hub would never do anything to hurt us or our relationship, and the I'm tired of sitting on this and keeping my mouth shut. Our friend says to my hub all the time "Gee, what if your wife knew what you were doing..." Stuff like that, and now, we are all supposed to go out next week and I'm going to find it hard to bite my tongue and not say anything to her about the trouble she is trying to start w/ me & my hub, my question is, what do I say to her and how do I handle this? Why is she trying to start trouble?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:20pm
Sounds like your "friend" is a bit of a drama mama! My first instinct is that she might be jealous of the good relationship you have with your husband so she is trying to instigate something. Not nice, considering she is your friend. But sometimes jealousy drives people to do wacky things. Or, she honestly feels she sees inappropriate behavior and is trying to protect you. Since you know her and I don't, what is your gut telling you is the reason behind her behavior? If you suspect she might be jealous and is creating drama where there isn't any, you could bring it up when you guys get together. You could say something like "I understand that you think something inappropriate is going on b/w my hubby and the new intern, but nothing could be further from the truth. It hurts my hubby's feelings when you accuse him of things he is not doing, so I am asking you as my friend to please stop." If it still continues, she is not a friend and I would no longer socialize with her. Your husband would have to continue to work with her and I'm sure it would be uncomfortable if the friendship dissolves but business is business. I'm sure he could maintain professional relationship with her to keep his job. He could also mention this work drama to his supervisor so there is a record of her actions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:39pm
I don't get involved with my husbands work. It is his work place, period! I listen to him talk about it, but he has to work there. This is how we deal with work, and home, my husband is also, 45, where as yours is 28. I also, trust my husband with other women, since well, they exist in the world don't they? I don't see what the dilema really is. Can this woman really start trouble in your marriage? If you let her maybe, i don't understand? If you don't feel comfortable with them anymore politely decline invitations out with them, it is no biggie, you don't need to explain. If you are having a reaction to her, like you kind of expressed you are maybe seeing her is not a good idea right now. My humble advice is stay out of your hubby's work space, as much as possible, listen but, don't fix things. But, you have to do things your way, this is what i would do.
arie
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 2:58pm
I was going to let it go, but tonight we made plans to all hang out, and when I talked to another friend of ours, she said that this girl told her that she is jealous that my hubby is spending so much time with this intern because they are friends, what the hell does that mean? I just talked to my hubby and told him this and he laughed and said that no matter what he does either the intern or our friend is trying to make it look like there is something I should be upset about...now I don't know what our friend is trying to do, but it really seems to me that she is just causing trouble when there is no reason to, why would she say she's jealous my hubby doesn't spend time w/ her? My hubby says it's cuz' she only hangs out w/ him and another coworker, and when the other coworker isn't around & my hub is busy, she has no one else to talk to, well, its work, get over it, this girl is making it sound like she's back in highschool and she's having trouble making friends, I just want to tell her to grow up and stop acting like such a baby!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 6:17pm
Edited because I read your second post about her saying she is jealous of the time your husband is spending with the intern. Sounds like she is at least having an emotional attachment to your husband that is unhealthy and I'd be distancing ourselves from her.
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Edited 2/9/2007 6:22 pm ET by dansfoxywife

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 9:26am
I agree w/ you, & last night we all hung out at another friend's house & had a pizza party w/ our kids, and I brought up the subject while the guys were off doing their thing. I think I handled it well, I just told her that I was aware of what she was suggesting between my hub and the intern & that I didn't appreciate her thinking that my hub would do something like that...I told her "You've been friends/coworker w/ my hub long enough to know him and see that he's not that type of person. Of course she denied she was implying anything, but the fact that I knew about what was happening at work seemed to surprise her, I think she thought my hub had kept it from me for fear of me getting mad...anyway, I said my peace and I'm done w/ it, I know my hub would never run off with some intern, and she's younger than we thought, she's only 18! My hub told me he asked her how old she was, he thought she was at least 21, when she said 18 he was actually grossed out at that, b/c he's 28, and he said, "How our friend could actually think I would ever do something like that is crazy, she's a kid!" Now we just laugh about it. We have too much to look forward to w/ the new baby coming to deal w/ someone trying to cause us trouble!

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