Have I lost "Me"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2011
Have I lost "Me"?
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 4:22pm


As I sit here looking around and my messy house with no desire to clean it I wonder how I got here. When I say that I mean, how did I get to the place where I can just pass by the mess and not think twice. I don't know if I have lost "Me" or just lost my energy. I have 2 kids, a 3 almost 4 year old and 17 month old. It seems like everything has just gone down hill these past 2 or 3 months. I was a neat freak, I was organized, I was clean! I loved organizing things, I loved keeping the house in order and now it seems like my hubby comes home from a long day at work and if I were him, I would just turn around and run. lol I laugh but I would! lol It's a crazy house around here. I feel like I've lost me or who I am. I did have back surgery last month and it's taking awhile to get back on track when it comes to that but it all started before that and it seems like it's all just going down hill faster and faster and the surgery was what pushed me over the edge.

Maybe I'm just in a lull but I just want to get back to the old me. The one that would get things done!

Any advice or anyone else felling like this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2008
Wed, 06-22-2011 - 8:47pm
Yeah, I've felt like this. I've been a SAHM since Jan. It's wearing me out more than working ever did. Maybe you should start small, like just one room or doing one thing everyday in one room. For me it's shoes. I leave pairs of my shoes in all corners of the den and never realized it until my husband noticed I was always telling the kids to pick up after themselves and he pointed out I had three pairs of shoes in the den. So now, I do that every day and once I start picking up shoes my cleaning continues. I still don't have a spotless house--still spots of clutter, piles of books/mail, but areas get cleaned and might stay that way for a couple days :) If the dishes are done and the no one has run out of clean underwear, I consider it a good day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Thu, 06-23-2011 - 12:56am
I definitely feel like this. I have a 4 year old, 1 year old, and am 3 month pregnant, and honestly, a lot of days I feel like a failure as a mama because I don't have energy or patience for my kids, and as a wife because I don't have energy or patience for my husband, and as both because my house is a disaster and I just can't seem to fix it. I had big dreams for being a SAHM, and apparently they're totally unattainable, at least for now.

I'm just trying to take things in baby steps, especially now when I'm so exhausted. If I can get a load of laundry done, or the kitchen clean, or some weeding done, then it's been a productive day. Just one thing! And I try to have the boys -- well, the boy, anyway -- help out. He loves to mop the floor, and even though he doesn't love to do it, he is expected to put his own clean clothes away and to clean up his toys. If 'extra' chores are a real issue, I'm not above bribery! Five pennies will make that kid do just about anything. ;)

I try to do myself what I expect of the boys, like the previous poster said: put my shoes away, make sure my dirty clothes are in the basket, take my dishes off the table. The hardest part is getting DH to do the same! He was great until we got married...then suddenly it's like he never knew what a laundry basket was for or where dirty dishes belonged. Everything his mother ever taught him flew right out the window. I'm even using the barbecue now! I think he's regressing back to his dependent baby-hood. They say that can happen to older children when babies come along. :P

Never mind regressing, I'm digressing. The whole point of that was that the key, I think, to getting anywhere is to start small. Small, specific goals (pick up ten things and put them away) are more easily attainable than big, general goals (clean up the family room) and when you start succeeding (because your goals are little) you're more motivated to keep succeeding. :)

Hey, something stuck -- I told DH that therapy group would come in handy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2011
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 4:26pm

You are not alone! :smileyhappy: