Hello, new to this board w/ 2 question

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Hello, new to this board w/ 2 question
11
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:52pm

Hello, everyone. I'm new here. I just recently became a stay-at-home mom leaving behind a career in public service. Lately, my mother-in-law, who is highly educated and career oriented, has been pressuring me to got back to school and get a Master's Degree because she thinks I'm going to be bored at home. I am bothered by this prevailing attititude, not only in her but in most other women I know. They respond to my decision to stay home as if I have decided to single handily take our gender back into the 1950's. My mother-in-law just can't see how I could possibly be happy at home. She thinks I am risking my independence as a female. Has anyone else had to deal with this from a family member?

Another situation I have encountered is with my 3 eldest children. They have always been accustomed to me working and all the extra income that came with it. Suffice it to say, I think we gave them a little too much in past years. Now they are frustrated that they can't go out shopping whenever they want. While my 2 year old couldn't be happier with me home, I think the older kids would be happier if I were just working as a cash cow again. Has anyone dealt with this drama???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:58pm

SOrry to hear that you are getting so much grief by your family members.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:59pm

Hi!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 4:34pm

Hi. Welcome to the board. I am Ana, mom to almost 10 month old Bella.


I did not experience the attitude factor from my family, but I know people who did.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:27am
Welcome! I can only relate to the first issue somewhat. My MIL treated Dh's SIL like she couldn't possibly be happy w/out a college ed and even offered to pay for it! Let MIL kmw that the trend for moms to stay home has increased exponentially. I don't know how your relationship is w/ her but let her know you appreciatf her concern for your happiness but for now you are quite content w/ your choice. As for the kids, just don't apologize for making the choice to be home. The're still young enough to adapt as long as u &DH stand united. GL! Kris
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2006
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 9:42am
hi I know how you feel with the 1950's thing. here in Iceland most women work and the SAHM is a rare species rapidly becoming extinct no kidding, it's litterelly frowned uppon here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:14pm
Thanks, this is good sound advice that I will try!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:32pm

Hi! Welcome to the board, and to SAH!


I am sure I have been faced with somebody carrying your MIL's attitude but for the life of me I can't recall. Not because my memory isn't great, but because I'm so opinionated and self righteous in my SAHMomminess that it just totally misses me. I'm also sure that if/when it's happened I've given them such a tongue lashing that I shut them up for good on the subject LOL. I make no appologies. Your MIL's stand on this issue saddens me. You couldn't possibly be happy at home with your kids?! What sort of truth does that project off onto your kids, that they aren't good enough to make mommy happy? And risking your independence as a female! Uh, you're a married mother, you have no independence! Lol, it becomes INTERdependence. You are all dependent on each other. Your childrens very happiness is wrapped up in you, that can't be said about any co-worker or boss. Your husband and children are totally dependent on you. If you were gone tomorrow forever, just imagine the impact it would have on their lives. If you were gone tomorrow from a job/career, they'd have you replaced with in the week. Oh geez just look at me off on a tangent. See, I told you I was opinionated and self righteous. LMAO.


Anyways, I think your two older children are showing signs of jealousy. Now, not only do they not have the goodies money could buy, but they get to see you at home raising their youngest sibling, knowing that you didn't do that for them. It's a completely normal occourance, and it will desolve in time. Honestly if it was me I would broach the subject with them and clear it. I would appologise to them for giving them things instead of their mommy when they were little, but point out that I've come to my senses and realized that where I was truly needed and valued was at home with them, not at some job giving them money for things to buy to replace me.


I hope to see you stick around and post more, we love getting to know more ladies here!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 1:43pm

Thank you!! Your honesty is so refeshing to hear! I had never thought about the whole jealousy thing w/ my older kids...but that does make sense. Especially w/ regards to my 2 step-children. Their mother sort of abandoned them (she ran off with another man to another city) when they were young. They may be looking at my relationship now with my youngest and have some envy. I do hope I can help them get past this so we can help them mend the true underlying pain they may be feeling.

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 2:02pm
Oh yes! Wow, the pain of longing they must feel. Heartbreaking. I would definently then tell them that I choose for my job to be their mom, to be there for them when they need all the little things that children need their mom for, and that I was sorry for the bad childhood they've had up until now, but things were going to be different now. It's going to take great patience from you methinks, until they feel safe enough to trust that you won't up and leave their lives like their own mother did. Bravo to you, it's a wonderful thing you're doing!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 4:51pm

Godiva_mom,


I would tell her that you respect her choice to work, however she needs to respect your choices.

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