!HELP! crying baby = high tempered hubby
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| Tue, 01-25-2005 - 6:49am |
I am having and have had problems with my husband having a bad temper whenever our baby (11 months) cries. As soon as he starts to cry, that's it for my hubby. He imitates the crying and it is so annoying. It's bad enough when my son cries... but then when my hubby makes annoying crying sounds it's even worse! I don't know what to do anymore. He even yells "HEY!" at him to try to get him to stop crying. I know that it only makes it worse because whenever he does it my sons cries louder, or harder. I've told him before that him immitaing the cry or yelling doesn't make the situation any better. My hubby really needs to chill out, and learn to cope with the crying but i don't know how to get him to. I try setting a good example by doing "everything right" whenever our son starts to cry, by picking him up, rocking him, talking to him, giving him his pacifier and blanket, or distracting him with a funny face or toy. I try everything! I can get him to stop crying %99 of the time.
I left my husband home with him alone for no more than 1 hour and 15 minutes lastnight so that i could go to the gym with friends. When i got home, my husband was sitting on the couch with a scoul on his face. I asked him what happened, and where is joey. He said that Joey was crying the whole time i was gone. I told him that he could have called the gym to tell me to come home, and he just rolled his eyes. Then he said that he got an instant diaper rash from a runny poop (it's happened b4 and he does scream, and it really hurts so what else could joey do but scream?) So then he said that when he was changing him he was rolling around and screaming... then the tab of the diaper broke off on one end so then he had to go get another diaper. After he couldn't handle the screaming anymore he said he put joey in his crib to cry it out. But when i got home he wasn't making a sound in his crib. So when i went up there he was just sitting there in his crib, shirt and diaper on, cuddling his blanket, and sucking on his pacifier. He had no expression on his face. Then after i walked closer to him he starting smiling, but i could tell he was tired from all the screaming. I picked him up, put him into his pjs then rocked him to sleep.
After a while my hubby came up to his room to see if he was ok. I told him that yeah he was ok. He then asked what was wrong with me. I told him (starting to cry myself) that he looked like a scared little boy when i walked into his room. Then my husband mumbled something that i couldn't understand and went back downstairs.
I put joey in his crib again once he fell asleep. I went downstairs did the dishes then told my hubby i was going to take a shower, he didn't reply to me. After i took a shower i layed in bed playing a hand held slot machine game, i fell asleep playing it because i was so tired from the gym. I felt bad because normally we give eachother a kiss and say goodnight, love you. So in spite of that i think my hubby didn't give me a hug and kiss goodbye this morning on his way out to work. I was awake, waiting for him, but he never came to our room. I looked out the bedroom window and saw him just drive off.
I should have kissed him goodnight. i feel really bad about that, but even worse about letting him stay home with joey last night. what should i do? we live in england with no family support, we have friends but i don't want them to think badly of my husband. what else could i say to him with out him getting defensive?

Amanda, you are so sweet.
Hi Amanda,
Could it possibly be that your husband is one of those that think boys should not cry? If so then I would really stress to him that boys to need to express their emotions through crying. Maybe he feels you coddle him to much and that he is trying to balance it out. I would tell him that, he is just making his son afraid of him...not helping to make his son into a man.
I am sorry you had a rough night and morning. Maybe you could give him a call this morning and tell him you missed him.
Good luck!
Traci
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Amanda
I'm sorry you are having such a hard time with dh & ds bonding. My dh didn't "get it" either when dd was that little, well, he wasn't that bad. I guess my opinion is different than some others. If I were in your shoes, (which I kind of was) I would be really ticked off...at dh. He needs to get patience and understanding, really fast. As far as you feeling guilty about not kissing him goodnight...DON'T! He knew you were upset, by the fact that you were crying. He shouldn't have stormed off this morning because you were asleep last night. I would be having a talk with him tonight when he gets home. In my home, that is unaceptable. He needs to be there for you and ds when you take a precious 1 hour break from the home every couple days. That's not asking much, and you should be able to go to the gym without worrying about ds, and wondering if he's left alone in his crib crying.
I wish you luck, it will work out, just be honest about your feelings, and let him talk to, without getting accusing/angry.
Lesley
Thanks to all of your advice, it really helped me. I talked to my dh as soon as he got home from work. I first asked him why he left in the morning with out a kiss... he said he was running late. I can't believe that becuase he noticed he did leave a little late.
Also we talked about him and his temper. I think now he understands more why he cries... because ds can't talk! lol Also, the next time i got to the gym, i'll be sure to use the babysitter, until ds can talk and express to dh what is wrong. Another thing that we'll be doing is this: My 2 friends like going to the local pub on Saturday nights, and i'll be joining them. But instead of taking ds to the babysitter and paying for it, ds and dh will be going to my dh's friends house (one of my friends dh's) He's really good with babies, and maybe he can help my dh help understand ds even more than he does.
Anyway, Thanks again!
Amanda
Amanda
I'm glad you guys are working through it. It sounds like a great idea that when you and your friends go out, dh and ds go to a friends house as well. This way maybe dh won't feel so lost and helpless if ds gets upset. I'm glad for you, keep us updated!
Lesley