HELP!! how to convince my dh???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
HELP!! how to convince my dh???
6
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 1:47am
Hi. I stay at home with my 7 month old daughter and love it. I'm so happy about it, it's hard to put into words.

Before she was born, I had always worked at a really good job before she was born and made quite a bit of money. I was very motivated in my career and we got used to having extra cash.

Then, my husband got transferred and we moved a month after the baby was born. I didn't go back to work because the plan was to wait about 6 months. Since we were moving so far away, I was sure I'd get bored and lonely all alone in the house with a baby and no adults. We were able to pay off a lot of our debt from the sale of our house, but we are still not "making" money. We either break even or lose a little each month. I know we have spent a lot of money on little things that we are cutting out now.

Although I am working on cutting expenses and budgeting--he still thinks I need to go to work. We would be able to afford daycare if I went back to a similar job but I would be miserable. He doesn't understand that after she was born, my career lost it's spot on my priority list.

What do I say to my husband to convince him that it's not all about the money and that we can live on a little less while she's little so I can SAH with her (and any future babies)? I need a real argument that men understand.

(Yes, I realize he should think it's just plain better that a parent take care of her, but that's not how he grew up so he doesn't get it)

Please Help!!!

Thanks,

Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 3:00am

Well my dh is thrilled that I am able to stay at home, but he would like me to stop spending money LOL.


This is something I would love to try with mine. Let him take a week off of work and stay home with her alone so he knows what you do. And once she starts to run and jump oh there will be sooooo much more to do. My house now looks like a tornado went thru. Well one did her name is Maggie.


Other than that I am sorry I don't have anything else for you.


GL


Sarah and Maggie

Sarah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 6:20am
I guess the only idea I have for you is to gather as much solid, irrefutable evidence as you can that a child with a SAH parent is better off. Some suggestions would be any day care horror stories (one of the ones where I am left a little boy my son's age, 2 yrs old, outside by himself and didn't notice for SEVENTEEN minutes. It's hot here, btw). Also, any articles (like Parent's magazine cited children with SAH's generally have an IQ 6 or was it 10 points higher than children in day care). That former comment was on the Dr. Phil or Oprah show SAH vs work outside home. Also an idea, have you thought of a position where you could work nights, when DH is home (maybe just a few nights a week)? Even a home based business would work, a lot of moms are Pampered Chef consultants (and they offer a good deal on buying a 'kit' if you plan to consult). Have you thought of being a home care provider? If you only watched one other child, it would supplement the income and maybe DH would be happy with that? Anyhow, good luck and I hope you can convince him! If you love to SAH with DD, that's where you should be!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 9:58am
Sue, I had a similar opportunity after my ds was born (he's now 4), where we decided that it would be better if I stayed home and looked after him for at least the first 2 years. Yes, it is more difficult financially on one salary, but I promise you the results are worth it (as I'm sure you know). Maybe if you tell your husband that it will only be for a (relatively) short period of time (+- 2 yrs), and I promise you that time really does fly! I look at my ds, and I can't quite believe he is 4! (Dd followed soon after - she is now 2).

To have the opportunity to be there for your dd, to see her first steps, to hear her first words... moments like that are extremely precious and totally irreplaceable!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 12:05am
Thank you everyone for ideas. Do you know if there are there any reports on the benefits to children of SAHM's? Like learning faster, more emotionally stable, etc...I feel like concrete evidence is the only thing that will convince him it's better than having her go to daycare while I work.

~Sue

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 11:46am
I understand how you feel. I seemed to struggle after I gave my husband an unltimatum. Needless to say I was not the one chosen. It is tough to make ends meet, and money isn't the end all, but working from home ight be a solution to your problem. There is no selling of products. I am now working from home, at the pace I choose. Please take a look at the following website.

http://www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/cgi-bin/team.cgi?id=ju109467&action=show

If you are interested please let me know. I love working form home!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Sun, 09-19-2004 - 3:44am
Hi Sue,

I work from home with a company called Home Interiors. It is the best of both worlds. If you would like some information email me at patrinaroberts@cox.net. Good Luck.

Patrina

Mom of almost 4