HELP! What to do??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
HELP! What to do??
16
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 11:03am

What would you girls do?? I am at a loss of what is the right thing to do. As some of you know I found out about 2 months ago that my DH had an affair. We are in the process of working things out. Faith and forgivness have really been our saving grace. I know in my heart this was the right thing for us. On to my problem. After finding out about DH I put a spy program on the computer at home to see if anything else was happening. Well never in my wildest dreams did I expect to find something on there that involves my sister and her husband. There were emails from my brother in law to another woman - talks of lap dances and pictures being sent - it is someone he works with. Do I say anything to my sister?? I know the pain that it would cause her and there marriage. The other part I am worried about is that since what has happened between DH and I the relationship between my sister and I has suffered. She thought and still thinks that I should have changed the locks and left him. I would hate for her to think that I am doing this to get back at her because that would not be my intent. They are talking of starting a family this summer. Please let me know your opinion on what you would do.......would you tell your sister?

Please help!!

Julie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:28pm

EEEKKKK.....I feel that no matter how you got the information, it is in your hands now, so it's your move. You had the right to have that spyware on your computer because your DH was screwing up. Now if your dh knew about all this, I'd be having a SERIOUS chat with him!

What each person decides to do in their marriage is their choice. Who knows, your sister might decide to work out her marriage now that it is HER marriage in the meat grinder. Even though she gave you other advice. I would completely bypass your BIL. Even if he does have an explanation, it's not going to be an innocent one. You have proof of an indecent relationship and your sister deserves to know so she can confront him after she can get her thoughts and feelings in order. She is the one that deserves to have the upper hand in this situation. Also, who knows if he will even tell her ALL of what you found. He may just play it off to get a lesser "judgement".

I would tell her about this info, like now, this weekend. Because there might be a chance that she could get pg soon and that child does not deserve to be caught in the middle of this. And if she does decide to leave him, she might not, because there would be a baby in the picture.

Sorry if any of this sounded rude and I hope that you can find the strength to do whatever you feel is right. (((HUGS)))

Tara

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:40pm
Here's my 2 cents: Absolutely without a doubt, I would tell her, but I would be careful how I did it ie timing, place, just the facts, etc. I would tell my sister and I believe she would tell me. Even if it causes the 2 of you some difficulty in your relationship, remember you are doing it so that she can make an informed decision about how to handle it and decide if it's the right time to start a family with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:49pm

I think a lot of it depends on your relationship with your sister.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2005
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:55pm

Okay after careful consideration of all sides of this I think I would have to tell my sister.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 2:56pm
Is there a chance that you and your sister could be on the computer at the same time and 'accidently' stumble accross this information, then it would be like SHE found it with you. So you don't have to go directly to her with it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 5:13pm

Julie- have you printed off the emails?

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