How do you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
How do you do it?
7
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 4:02pm
What's your secret for handling staying at home day in and day out and esp. if you have a toddler plus a newborn? I get so sick and tired of my ds playing with his food (yes, I know it's normal) and not eating stuff that I know he loves. I dread lunch every day b/c of what he MIGHT eat or what he MIGHT not, and there is often food wasted or he wants to play instead or whatever. Then there are diaper changes. He screams at every one of them now. I admit since he began to walk, he's a LOT happier and a LOT more independent which is what I've waited for, but then this whole new slew of bad habits picks up, and I feel like when will it all even out? I feel like since he's 15 months old, I can't really start time out yet, and should it be used for temper tantrums or just really inappropriate behavior? He's like Dr. Jekyl/Mr. Hyde baby half the time where he's happy as can be one moment and screaming his head off the next for reasons that I don't know. I hate the fact that he can't comminicate much yet b/c I don't know what he wants. And we have a baby due in March and then it starts all over again plus the sibling jealousy and making sure I'm around at ALL TIMES b/c of him possibly hurting the baby (he smacks the cats and dog with stuff even though I tell him ahead of time not to and take the thing away). So...any of you already been through this phase and what did you do to keep sane? Sometimes I just wish I could go back to work and let someone else deal with the negative for the majority of the day so that when I get home, there are only a few hours he can possibly be majorly fussy to me...and then when I have TWO to take on? What am I going to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 5:27pm

Okay, I usually try and be very sensitive to everyone but I have to tell you the truth. I think I would be dishonoring you as a person if I did not.


*I get so sick and tired of my ds playing with his food (yes, I know it's normal) and not eating stuff that I know he loves. I dread lunch every day b/c of what he MIGHT eat or what he MIGHT not, and there is often food wasted or he wants to play instead or whatever. *


As you said this is completely appropriate behavior for this age. If he is hungry he will eat most kids experimenting will get half the food on the floor. Not a big deal.


*but then this whole new slew of bad habits picks up, and I feel like when will it all even out? I feel like since he's 15 months old, I can't really start time out yet,*


I agree that he should not have time outs yet...he is only 15 months old. He does not have any hidden agenda's. Everything he does is for a purpose from crying to even "bad habits". He cannot help these things right now. He needs lots of love, attention and appropriate modeling of behavior.


*I hate the fact that he can't communicate much yet b/c I don't know what he wants. And we have a baby due in March and then it starts all over again plus the sibling jealousy and making sure I'm around at ALL TIMES b/c of him possibly hurting the baby (he smacks the cats and dog with stuff even though I tell him ahead of time not to and take the thing away). *


He is mostly acting this way because he can't communicate. He has no way of expressing his feelings and wants. To get him to stop hitting is also another age appropriate thing. This is the age when you teach them compassion. I would pay no attention to him when he does this kind of behavior, you completely pay attention to the victim, telling them how sorry you are they got hit and how bad they must feel because of this. Yes, even a dog :) If taught these things I very much doubt that he is going to suddenly start hitting his baby brother or sister. I feel like you are setting him up and are going to create a self-fufilling prophecy if you are going to label his behavior at this age.


*Sometimes I just wish I could go back to work and let someone else deal with the negative for the majority of the day so that when I get home, there are only a few hours he can possibly be majorly fussy to me...and then when I have TWO to take on? What am I going to do?*


You will handle it. Stop being negative and look for the positive. If you have to go back to work to keep yourself from getting so tense and worried, then that is what you should do. Your child now and any future children will certainly pick up on any negativity from you. How can you enjoy your time at home if you are always resenting it? I know a little about you from your posts and know you do not have any support. We certainly support you here and I swear I am not trying to be mean, I have a lot of compassion for people and I get from all your posts how much you are hurting. Remember that you do have a choice in this. You can make the choice

Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 5:31pm
Debbie, what is your background? Did I read that you use to be a high school counselor? I know you said you had a Master Degree, is that in Psychology or Sociology? I am just curious. Go back and read all your recent posts not the responses. I think you know what you want and what will make you happy. Take care of yourself and your family will be happy!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com







Am I cool or uncool?

You are Cool!

You're pretty cool! People look at you and think.. 'wow.. that person is cool!' Congratulations. Use your position wisely and teach the dorks below you a thing or two. There's nothing like recruiting a cool person.

Cool quizzes at Go-Quiz.com



How to make a istlmomof2

Ingredients:
1 part pride
5 parts silliness
5 parts leadership

Method:
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of lovability and enjoy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 6:23pm
Well, I kind of felt like I didn't fit in here already, and so now I'm sure of it. The ladies here want to stay home, and I know this. But I thought that this was supposed to be a place where we could vent and I've seen a ton of posts that complain to no end about their kids' behavior and what do they get? Sympathy and support and no one telling them they are going to teach their kids to be negative just because they are having a bad day. I DO fake it each day that I enjoy what I do, so my ds is not going to end up some type of sociopath thinking my momma didn't love me. When I have posted in the past, positive OR negative, I usually don't get much of a response as it is. So don't worry, I won't ruin anymore of your days or take up posting space with my negativity or complaining. Sorry, but that is how I feel and was already beginning to feel when not many would respond. This just isn't the place for me, so goodbye.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 6:40pm

Debbie, I was afraid this would happen.


Please, please re-read our posts. In the past we always were supportive and sympathetic I feel. Since I am on an honesty streak I have to say that sometimes I cringed reading some of your posts. You are right everyone on here comes to complain but not with every post. I cannot remember one inane post from you were you just saying how you were having a problem with your laundry or what's for dinner....everything was negative. Maybe I am wrong...I don't know. I know I can't read your body language and hear voice inflection through a post. If I am completely in the wrong then I apologize but like I said I would be dishonoring you as a person and as a member of this board if I did not tell you the truth. Sometimes we need someone to tell us to get over it so that we can move on and be happy. I truly felt that is what you needed. I didn't want to gloss over some of the issue's you brought up or to pretend I thought everything was well with you.


I really wish you would reconsider leaving. We would love to get to know you!! If you just feel you would not be comfortable I would be more than happy to help you find another board here.

Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Thu, 08-25-2005 - 8:26pm
I just wanted to send some hugs your way.
We all have moments of doubt and not sure what to do.
I hope things get better for you at home.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
The people on this board were just trying to help you out with their views on how they deal with things at home. Please dont take things in a bad way. We all have one thing in common, we love our kids and support each other as well.





Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 12:15am

Debbie, I hope you haven't gone.

I read this and some of your old messages....and judging by the tone and your freuqent self doubt, I can't help but wonder if you're suffering from clinical depression?

It's just that I've been there, and it's horrible. It's awful having being a mum when you feel that you're useless at it. How do you breastfeed a child when he can't attach and you hate him for being hungry and putting you in this situation? How do you be happy and fun with the kids when you're so miserable inside? What do you say to a child when there's nothing to say? How can you look after a child when you can barely look after yourself?

Does any of this reflect how you feel?

I'm on medication these days. Some feel that medication is a cop-out. But for me it was the right choice. I can actually enjoy being a mother now and I'm no longer driving my DH insane with my issues.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 08-26-2005 - 8:59am
I am sorry that you are having trouble with your children. The ladies here are helpful and knowledgable. I hope you read this and maybe try to take some of their advice. We all just want to help.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com
readers