How do you know??
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| Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:30am |
How do you know if you're doing a good job as a mom? I had my dd when I was 19 (she was a surprise), dropped out of college, in my mind, I gave up all of my "dreams" at the time to have her. I don't have resentment towards HER by any means, but somewhere in my mind I feel like I missed out on a lot. Well I married her dad when I was 3 months pregnant with her and I've stayed at home with her ever since. I've tried to go back to school (I was in nursing school) but it just hasn't worked out and I really don't want to leave her yet to go back to school. I just had our 2nd baby 2 months ago and overall we're doing really well.
But I wonder constantly, how do I know that I'm being a good mom to her? I do great with the baby stage, I love every second of it...but since about 18 months she is a VERRRRRY social girl and needs CONSTANT interaction and I find myself losing my patience with her a lot. I had her in preschool before we moved for over a year but we cannot afford that now. I plan to homeschool my kids anyway. She is such a happy, well behaved, polite and loving little girl but I just second guess myself constantly and wonder if I'm really being the mom that she needs. I had HUUUUGE problems as a teen and I've since discovered a lot of that had to do with my parents. I'm just so afraid to be completely ignorant and not discover until it's too late that I haven't given her the love and attention that she truly needed. I don't get down and play with her very often, I try to encourage her to play on her own more and use her imagination. Mostly it's because she has such a hard time with that and needs me to constantly be her sole source of entertainment and talks to me CONSTANTLY and honestly, it just drives me nuts. I find myself telling her to give me some space about 100 times a day, it's just overwhelming, she's so intense and in my face all the time and it has gotten to the point more than once where I am harsh with her and yell or tell her to just leave me alone. I notice her hang her head after I lose it with her like that and walk away and she just looks so defeated, it's heartbreaking. She just needs or wants me CONSTANTLY. Talking constantly. Repeating herself constantly if I don't answer her right away. Wanting to be next to me or on top of me all the time. I take her out to get together with other kids about twice a week and soon it will be more often. Overall, she is a very happy girl but I think that's mostly just her personality and has very little to do with me. I plan on getting some sort of curriculum set up within the next couple of weeks and think that will help but I'm nervous too.
So how do I know if I'm being a good mom to her??
edited to add she's 3 years old.
Edited 2/23/2005 11:32 am ET ET by sweetmomma21

You know your being a good mom because you are seeking outside opinions. If you did not care would you be here? you are taking the time to look up parenting sites and seek advice so I call that pretty good parenting.
Like yourself I too had problems as a teenager. I did not have the best of childhoods so I really and truly learned my parenting style from reading parenting books and magazines. I had to learn it somewhere right? lol Sometimes having a difficult childhood can make you have more empathy towards others.
I am just one of those personalities that seems to have an endless amount of patience with my children and others. I wish I could explain how I do it. It really does not bother me for my children to be all over me all the time. But I am also a very firm parent and when I say enough is enough I mean it.
I also homeschool my children :) Maybe setting up a routine with her could help out. Craft time can be time with just you and her, or reading a story while the baby is asleep. Having a new baby in the house is probably also playing into this for her. Having daddy or mommy all to herself could help her to feel more confident that baby is here. Maybe one of you could take her for a walk just by herself.
I also agree that you cannot be her entertainment director and she does need to learn to play by herself. My oldest was four when his baby brother came along so being an only child for a while can "mature" kids some. A lot of kids that were only's for a while would rather talk to grown ups. What I used to do for my oldest was use books on cd for him to read along to. Also things that really absorbed his attention like computer games (Disney has some great ones) and just letting them go crazy with some finger paints. Just something they enjoy that takes a while to give you a break~
Hope that can help some. Welcome to the board this is a great place for a break or just for fun.
We have quite a few homeschooling family's on here so let us know if you are looking for anything in particular that has to do with that...here is also a homeschool board. Whoops I can't find that on my favorites so hopefully one of the other moms has it or I will add it later :)
Well the fact the you took the time to post and talk about your situation shows that you care which is part of being a good mom. Just wait in a couple of mos when your new baby becomes more active, that will help the situation a lot! My 2 girls have the best time together and they're never lonely! (3.5yrs and 20 mos old) Just take a deep breath and remember that this too shall pass. Before you realize it she'll be a teen and not want to speak to you at all, lol. Enjoy the insanity and if you need anything we're here for you!
Amber
Hugs :)
I do the same thing also.
Corinne
http://corinne.momexecs.net
Hi,
Heck I am almost 30 and did experience a lot and still have days where I wonder if I am being a good mom. My mom tells me I am doing a good job so to me that is a great compliment.
For the first time today I joined a MOMS group and they are wonderful. So if there is something like that in your area where you can be with other women in your situation you will learn so much.
GL-
Sarah
Hi there! I'm new to the board and really here to learn because I am not yet staying at home but would like to eventually. I just wanted to tell you that I think all moms have the same concerns about being a good mom regardless of the age they were when they had their kinds or whether they stay at home or work outside the home.
I was 28 when my son was born and I continued to work full time after he was born. I always loved work and never even considered staying home after he was born. Now I look back and wish that I had made some different decisions in my life so that I could have stayed home. I bought into the whole notion that I needed to be personally fulfilled with work and having it all. Now I realize that a job is just a job, your family is more important.
I feel that I did do all the things I wanted to do as a person. I have college degrees, a management position at a Fortune 500 Company, etc. etc. But I still have the same concerns about being a good mom. For the first three years of my son's life I have hardly been there. And even when I was physically there, mentally I was still at work trying to solve problems at work even after I got home. I rarely played with my son or focused on him at all. At least that's how it felt to me. My second husband constantly tells me I am a good mom and reminds me that my son loves me even if I don't think I'm the perfect mom. He reminds me that my son's opinion of what kind of mommy I am is more important than my own.
For me, relating to my son has gotten easier as he has gotten older. He's so fun for me now because we can have conversations and play games together, etc. Yes, 3 year olds are a handfull and there are times I want to scream, but it is getting easier.
Hang in there. You sound like a great mom to me. You haven't missed out on anything that's really important. At the end of the day, even with the all the things I have accomplished personally, and even if I continue to work I will one day retire from my career, but I will NEVER retire from being a mom!!!