How to tell 5 year old about death

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
How to tell 5 year old about death
7
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 9:49pm

My mom is circling the drain. 2 weeks is being generous. We are now visiting and she is in an alternate universe but my son is pretty oblivious. She recognizes him and that works.

How do I explain that grandma is dying? Or do I wait until she is dead and tell him then? What do I do? I am really at a loss here.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2006
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:03pm

*huggles*

I think "Grandma went to heaven" or something of that nature usually placates children of that age.

I think I'd rather explain sex than death though! P & PT to you and your family at this time.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:06pm

"I think "Grandma went to heaven" or something of that nature usually placates children of that age. "


i have to agree with that...tons of hugs and p&pt's to you!!



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Fri, 07-14-2006 - 10:46pm

first off, I'm so sorry to hear that you going through such an awful time.


When my mil passed away, my sil told her 4 yd old that grandma was going to heaven because Jesus had asked for to come home. She was not wanting to say grandma is sick and went to heaven ... in case the 4 yr old would think that if she got a cold ect, that she would go away and never see her family again.


My neice took that ok. After mil passed, my sil gave my neice a cross on a necklace that was the grandmothers. She told her that if she ever wanted to see or talk to grandma she should hold the neckalce and close her eyes and talk to grandma. That was 3 yrs ago, and that little girl still cherishes that necklace.


My thoughts are with you and your family.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2006
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 9:06am

First of all Hugs to you and your family.
When my Father died, my oldest was 3. We told him that Grandpa went to heaven and now was a star watching him at night. If he wanted to talk to Grandpa all he had to do was talk to the stars. Everynight that summer we had to go outside and tell Grandpa goodnight and pick a star that was him that night, usually the brightest star. It was hard for me to do, but it seemed to ease the seperation.
My T&P are with you and your family.

Tammy

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2001
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 2:21pm

When my grandmother passed away a little over a year ago now, my oldest two were 6 & 4.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Sat, 07-15-2006 - 2:37pm

I have no advice for you but I want to say that I am sorry you and your family are dealing with this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-17-2006 - 11:37am

My MIL died when my oldest son was 5. He had been very close to her--she was very involved in our kids' lives. She died a bad death, some of which he witnessed, because she was home in her last weeks on hospice care. He is now almost 8, and still remembers her, and still recalls her death.

I think death and birth are part of life, and kids actually have a healthier attitude than we do about it. What freaked my son out *more* about my MIL's death was not the fact that she died, which we could kind of explain, but the fact that me, my DH and his whole family were crying and so upset at the time. That made a big impression on him, because he thought: "Something must be horribly wrong for everyone to be so sad." But I don't feel guilty about that either, because we explained that we are sad because Grandma is no longer with us, not sad because Grandma is dead.

I don't know what your religious beliefs are, but we told him that Grandma went to Heaven to be with God. We said she's in a happy, wonderful, beautiful place and she still knows about us and loves us. We told him that Grandma is no longer sick (because he'd seen her *so* sick and been worried). We go visit her grave, and last winter he asked us if she were cold in the ground. He's a little older now, and we had to explain that her body had been put in the ground, but that her spirit/soul went to Jesus. I don't know if he fully comprehended that, but he seemed to accept it. He missed her for a long time, and we never tried to avoid talking about her, her illness or her death. He seems to be at peace about it now.

I agree with PP that just saying she's going to Heaven is fine. Emphasize that Heaven is a wonderful place, so he doesn't worry about her. But do explain that she won't be around anymore, so that he's not expecting to see her all the time. I wouldn't try and hide your grief from him. I think it's OK that he knows people are sad to lose her. Just make sure you let him know that she will be OK.

Good luck. I know it's tough. I well recall!! And I'm so very sorry to hear about your mom.

(((Hugs)))

Sofia




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