Huge problem with weird neighbor

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Huge problem with weird neighbor
22
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 10:29pm
I am a regular on a couple of other boards here, but this problem is something that I normally wouldn't discuss online since it involves my 3 sons (I'm a little bit paranoid about talking about my kids online...). I'm completely frustrated and upset, though, and thought this would be a good sounding board of "uninvolved" opinions, so if anyone has any thoughts, I would love to hear them---That said, here goes---

Hubby and I have lived in the same house for almost 10 years. We have three boys, one 7 and twins who will be 4 in a couple weeks. For the most part, we like our neighborhood ok--we've been less than thrilled with the development ideas of some adjoining property but, other than that, it's been good. Except for "the neighbor". The house directly across the street from us was rented by the owner to a 45 year old man and his mother several years ago. It quickly became obvious that the man was a little old lady beating drunk with emotional problems to boot. This was ascertained first by him appearing in the street in his BVD's yelling at people who weren't there.

Then the REAL problems started. Every time we had to speak to him (from a safe distance) or worse yet call the sheriff's department about him, he retaliates by calling social services and making up reports about us. Not run of the mill things. No, he has to tell them that we're sexually abusing our kids on the front lawn, and that we're satanists, and that we've got a drug lab, and ..... You get the picture. Every time, social services, even though they know this guy is a psycho, has to initiate a preliminary investigation, and it takes about 30 days to get the charges cleared, and involves them pulling my 7 year old out of class to verify that he is STILL fine and dandy. This has been annoying to say the least.

In February of this year, it took a decidedly more serious turn, however. After a call to the sheriff's department (which actually came from another neighbor this time) about him being drunk and disorderly and yelling in his house, he decided to not only call social services but also another department of the sheriff's department and tell the authorities that we had MURDERED our children. He said he had seen us taking their bloody bodies out of our house, and seen their hands and hair sticking out of garbage bags. Now, imagine how you would feel if a SWAT team showed up on YOUR front porch. Obviously it didn't take long for the authorities to figure out that our two younger children were in fact watching cartoons while we got ready to go out to lunch. Our older son was pulled out of class AGAIN and terrified by the questions that were asked. The courts have been useless--they give me the story that even if he was prosecuted, his mental health will prevent him from being sentenced severely. Now I'm terrified to let my kids out in the yard because he comes out and STARES at us when we do. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

So, that's my situation. Bizarre, I know, but it's frightening to me and my family. I don't know what steps to take next. A private attorney is going to be SO expensive, and I really feel like the criminal system should take care of this without us jumping up and down and going bankrupt. If anyone has any thoughts, or has had dealings with neighbors, or Social Services in this type of thing, I would love to hear what you think.

Scared, Scared Mommy

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Avatar for lori_mcbride
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 11:15pm

Oh MY GOOOSH!!!

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having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 11:57pm
First, thanks for the concern--it's a pretty messed up situation. I wish that moving was a possibility right now, but financially it would sink us deeper than the Titanic. Our house was an inheritance, and we mortgaged to do renovations and repairs, so we have a HUGE house with only 100K invested. The amount that we'd get out would never allow us to buy anything big enough for us, and with only one person working (the mortgage was taken out when we were both holding jobs) financing would be nearly impossible!

The only bright spot in this, sadly to say, is that this guy is about as physically sick as he is mentally, so he's not likely to do anything to us--I honestly don't think he could make it across his yard (and he's on oxygen now, so his tube would run out!). We're installing a huge security system and new mega locks in the house, and we're looking at putting surveillance cameras and motion detector alarms on the outside just in case, though.

The authorities have been very sympathetic, and the DA's office has even said that if they could figure out how to charge him, they would. The sheriff's department has been sending patrols by just to "keep and eye on him"--they know he's as crazy as a loon. The problem is that in NC, reporters of "suspected abuse or neglect" are protected from prosecution in an effort to encourage people to report problems. From the social services standpoint, we would have to prove beyond a doubt that he acted with malice and forethought, and knew when he made the calls that the report was untrue. That's complicated by his mental health status (did he actually "know" he wasn't telling the truth?...) The only criminal charge that *might* stick is filing a false police report, and the same problems lie in that direction--did he know that it was untrue, know that his act was cruel and malicious, and *understand* that it was wrong to do so... If he did *understand*, could he *control* his behavior, or was he unable to dictate his actions? We're in a legal gray zone. Unless he actually touches us, or directly threatens us, we'll have a hard time getting charges to stick. The only other thing we may be able to do is charge him with stalking, which is nie impossible, or charge him in civil court with intention emotional duress, also sticky. So...ugh.

On a sadder note, I grew up in this house--my grandparents built it when there was nothing here but trees and a lot of deer. So leaving would feel like I abandoned it to the dork after my family had been here for so long.

I know that he smokes, and with the addition of the oxygen, I keep thinking that maybe he'll just blow himself up. I know that's really mean and terribly wrong, but I just can't help but chuckle.

Thanks for letting me vent--I really do feel better.

Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 11:59pm
Holy moly, I totally agree!!!

You need to be really really careful. This guy sounds like a complete psycho, and I wouldn't put it past him to be capable of doing the very things he's been accusing you of. If it were me, I would be moving ASAP, and make sure he doesn't follow you to find out where you've gone. You might also talk to some trustworthy neighbors about starting a crime watch specifically targeted towards HIM.

DH suggested that you get a small surveillance camera and attach it under the edge of your roof where psycho can't see it. You should be able to get one for less than $100, and can run it to your TV. If he tries anything, or pulls another crazy stunt, record it and take it to the cops.

PLEASE be careful! We'll be praying for you.

Desiree

 

Avatar for lori_mcbride
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 12:40am

Well, I hate that you are between such a rock and a weirdo !!(just trying to get a little smile)

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having a baby

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sat, 05-01-2004 - 7:08pm
o wow, what a mess!! o god, i'm so sorry you're dealing with this. i'm also in nc, and know how the legal/cps system here can be, so i can sympathize, but wow! my only thought was have you tried to get him committed? they can do an involuntary hold for a 72 hour observation for any person who is either psychotic, suicidal, or homicidal, and it doesn't sound like he has a chance in heck of getting out if he ever got in. have you ever tried to get that done? it sounds like he's in dire need of a spell in Broughton, lol. until then, be safe and keep us updated, k?

clarity

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 5:35pm
I just wanted to say thanks again--to you Lori, and to everybody else who responded. It's really helpful to hear from other people on this, because I swear it sometimes feels like I'm the one who's going to end up crazy (though, it might make dealing with mr. strangeness across the street easier...). To answer the commitment question, we have investigated that option, but there were two problems. The first is that he "technically" hasn't presented a danger to himself or others, which he must do for involuntary commitment to go smoothly. The second is that even if we were to manage to get him comitted for this behavior, the state could only hold him for 30 days, after which he would be back, and probably be more obsessed than ever with making our lives difficult.



I keep telling myself to remember that he really IS mentally ill, and that I should try to keep some level of sympathy for him. Sadly, I think that it's very possible that he actually believes the things he says, at least when he's saying them. For years he would do weird or unacceptable things, and then act like a beaten dog for weeks, trying to talk to us when we were at the mailbox or going down the front walk--he seemed truly distressed and pretty much guilt ridden. I know that it's difficult living across from him, but I swear to God, I can't imagine trying to live HIS life. He's 45, mentally ill, no friends, no family outside of his mom who he gets drunk and abuses, and generally has the most pathetic excuse for an existance that I've ever seen. If it weren't for the last incident, I probably would have contented myself to just keep an eye on him, and making sure the kids were never alone out of the locked tighter than a drum back yard (which is HUGE, so it's not like they're getting the short end of it that way--besides the road on the front side, and we don't have it fenced out there). But...saying my kids were DEAD and in a trashbag was really really scary--I didn't sleep at all without a sleep aid for weeks (and even then I would have weird and scary dreams).

It's just not right that someone should be allowed to frighten us this way and there be NOTHING that we can do about it. His landlord says that their hands are tied unless he actually breaks the law and is convicted of the crime--even then it would be difficult. I told them that they should simply take the house off the rental market if that is what it takes. We're looking now at holding THEM responsible since it seems that we can't hold their tenant responsible. There's a couple of houses on this street that are rented, and theirs is the only one that has been a problem.

Anyway, thanks again--I'll keep you posted on what happens or if weirdo does anything else...

Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 7:43pm

Ewwwww! :( *Shudder*


Hon- no advice for you on *dealing* with him- just a recommendation to get *away* ~from~ him... If I were in your situation, if I were at *all* able to do so, our house would be on the market so fast the real estate agent wouldn't know what hit them and we'd be looking at property out in the almost-middle-of-nowhere where we wouldn't have to deal with the crazies. *sigh* (((Sympathies)))


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 05-02-2004 - 8:32pm


It sounds like this situation will continue unless this gentleman gets the mental health services he quite clearly needs.

In terms of involuntary commitment - we once had a situation with a family member who suffers from paranoid schizophrenia. She was off the deepend and we were finally able to get her committed using a loophole. She had used "911" to report to the police that the CIA was bugging her apartment. They were able to declare "she was a danger to others" because she had misused "911" and possibly prevented a real emergency call from getting through. Strange but true ...

Unfortunately, committing someone only helps temporarily as you say. Unless they have the proper support system to stay on their meds after release - things usually return to the way they were beforehand.

I hope you are able to work this out so you feel safe in your own house again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 9:17am
EWWWWWWW!!! I wasn't expecting to re-post so soon, but I got up this morning, went in the living room and looked out the picture window, and now I'm marred for life!!! We've had rain for the last several days. The cloud cover broke for about an hour this morning, and apparantly Mr. Strange decided that he had been cooped up long enough. That would have been fine except that he didn't decide to put clothes on before wandering the front yard!! UGH!! There are some people in this world that I wouldn't mind seeing in tighty whities, but he is just NOT one of them... He's very very skinny, and let's just say that the leg elastic could have been a little tighter.... Shudder shudder shudder. Hubby decided to call the police and tell them to come arrest him for indecent exposure--after all there were kids up and about in the neighborhood on their way to school when he was flashing the whole world. I'm glad I'm not a drinking person, because if I were I might just get snockered to block that sight right out of my head!! Blech.

Angela
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 2:04pm
I can't believe you all have to put up with that!!!!

It is so sad that you can't feel safe in your home.

I might have read it wrong, but did you say that he gets drunk and beats up his mother? Have you ever seen, or heard it? If you can see it, can you take a picture, or the audio on a video? Can't the police do something about his abusing his mom? If you report that his mom is being beaten, can't the police come and arrest him for that? I know to have him held, his mom would have to press charges, but it might knock some sense into him? I don't know what I would do if I were you. Good luck, keep us posted.

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