Huge problem with weird neighbor

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Huge problem with weird neighbor
22
Fri, 04-30-2004 - 10:29pm
I am a regular on a couple of other boards here, but this problem is something that I normally wouldn't discuss online since it involves my 3 sons (I'm a little bit paranoid about talking about my kids online...). I'm completely frustrated and upset, though, and thought this would be a good sounding board of "uninvolved" opinions, so if anyone has any thoughts, I would love to hear them---That said, here goes---

Hubby and I have lived in the same house for almost 10 years. We have three boys, one 7 and twins who will be 4 in a couple weeks. For the most part, we like our neighborhood ok--we've been less than thrilled with the development ideas of some adjoining property but, other than that, it's been good. Except for "the neighbor". The house directly across the street from us was rented by the owner to a 45 year old man and his mother several years ago. It quickly became obvious that the man was a little old lady beating drunk with emotional problems to boot. This was ascertained first by him appearing in the street in his BVD's yelling at people who weren't there.

Then the REAL problems started. Every time we had to speak to him (from a safe distance) or worse yet call the sheriff's department about him, he retaliates by calling social services and making up reports about us. Not run of the mill things. No, he has to tell them that we're sexually abusing our kids on the front lawn, and that we're satanists, and that we've got a drug lab, and ..... You get the picture. Every time, social services, even though they know this guy is a psycho, has to initiate a preliminary investigation, and it takes about 30 days to get the charges cleared, and involves them pulling my 7 year old out of class to verify that he is STILL fine and dandy. This has been annoying to say the least.

In February of this year, it took a decidedly more serious turn, however. After a call to the sheriff's department (which actually came from another neighbor this time) about him being drunk and disorderly and yelling in his house, he decided to not only call social services but also another department of the sheriff's department and tell the authorities that we had MURDERED our children. He said he had seen us taking their bloody bodies out of our house, and seen their hands and hair sticking out of garbage bags. Now, imagine how you would feel if a SWAT team showed up on YOUR front porch. Obviously it didn't take long for the authorities to figure out that our two younger children were in fact watching cartoons while we got ready to go out to lunch. Our older son was pulled out of class AGAIN and terrified by the questions that were asked. The courts have been useless--they give me the story that even if he was prosecuted, his mental health will prevent him from being sentenced severely. Now I'm terrified to let my kids out in the yard because he comes out and STARES at us when we do. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.

So, that's my situation. Bizarre, I know, but it's frightening to me and my family. I don't know what steps to take next. A private attorney is going to be SO expensive, and I really feel like the criminal system should take care of this without us jumping up and down and going bankrupt. If anyone has any thoughts, or has had dealings with neighbors, or Social Services in this type of thing, I would love to hear what you think.

Scared, Scared Mommy

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 4:12pm

I dont know what kind of advice to give to you on this matter, but I did want to give you and your family hugs about this.
I would just go nuts if I were in your shoes. I would be stressed and scared, as I am sure you are, not only for you, but your children.
There has to be somethign that can be done. Like the cops, or some part of the legal system that can help. He is a danger not only to himself, but to your family and the other people in your neighborhood.
I feel for you all and I do hope that this clears up and somethign is done about him.
have you tried talking to his mom, or is that person no even living with him??


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2004
Mon, 05-03-2004 - 5:29pm
I just wanted to say that my heart goes out to you! Sad that after living in your neighborhood for 10 years someone like this has to move in across the street. Can't believe that he has put your family through all the police and investigations, how ludicris. Have you tried to talk to the owners of the house? The man is renting the house right? Maybe they would be willing to cut his lease SHORT!!!!!!!!!! After all he has put you through he needs to get kicked out!!

God Bless You and Good Luck!!

Luna9903

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 7:55am
Angela,

i'm so sorry you have to go through that, i have bad nieghbor problems too. i live in a trailer park and when we moved in 2 yrs ago we though we finally had a great place till we could get a house (old nieghbors were drug atticks sp?) any way after living here a year things changed i don't know why but the nighbors started talking crap about my family right out side our home, then they started looking in ower windows to see what my family were doing, you hear them talk all the time the mother this mother that what is she have on. not only that these are adults! now they're getting there kids in to it, if they are out side at the same time as me they make loud comments like they are going to get us kicked out (we didn't do anything) i over heared them say they called child services on us i don't do anything wrong! my dh said don't worry but its making me go insaine i wish if they had a problem they could come to us like adults and tell me so we can straighten it out. now that we had the babies our baby monitor picks up their phone conversations to boot, now we hear way more crap than we need to know they know how many times we go out side everything we do in a day they know and have to talk about it. i wish i had the $ to move but we can't move till the trailer is at least paid off 6 years. i'd go over and talk to them but i don't want to drag all my children with me and who knows what they are capable of.i also feel like a prisoner in my home, i feel as if there are hidden cameras in my home i can't stand it. the worst part is my oldest starts kindergarden in september and has to ride with thier children, i'm afraid they will terrorize her.i can't call the polise because there is a group of people doing this "the tralier park possie" that were her for the longest time and we can't tell which ones are doing which.

your not alone hon! good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:04am
If he's calling child protective services on you, you should be calling the elder abuse hotline on him. At the very least, they would be sending people in to investigate. And if the mother is removed from the home, it's quite possible that he couldn't continue to afford the rent without her social security $ to pay for part of it. Then he'd have to move!!! Suzanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 8:17am
I am so sorry you have to deal with this! My prayers are with you. It really upsets me that the law can't do something to help. Isn't that what they are there for? I would definetly talk to the landlord of the neighbors house. When is there lease up? Maybe the landlord doesn't know whats going on. Take care.

Tanya
Avatar for lisacolette
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:56am
You have several good ideas from other posts.

1. Get a camcorder and record every bit of this man's behavior and save it to tape. Authorities need to know what is happening and it will help your case. If this guy is as crazy as you say, you could probably hide behind a curtain in your front window and record his behavior without his knowing. Open the window up so you can get an audio of it too.

2. I know your finances are tough, but you really should go see an attorney. Sometimes the intitial consultation is free. You said you're in NC. I've found this info from the North Carolina Bar Association at http://www.ncbar.org/index.aspx

**

Obtaining a Referral (Public)

If you need an attorney or think you may need one and you do not know how to find one, contact the North Carolina Lawyer Referral Service for a North Carolina Attorney. Our panel of attorneys has agreed to charge no more than $30 for up to 30 minutes for the initial consultation.

In-state callers: 1-800-662-7660

Out-of-state callers: (919) 677-8574

Raleigh/Durham/Chapel Hill area callers: (919) 677-8574

**

Bring copies of any tapes you've made, plus go to the sheriff's office and see if you can get copies of complaints, calls, etc. against this guy.

3. ABSOLUTELY DO **NOT** contact this man or his mother. It is too dangerous.

4. Go to your local township or city offices and find out the name and address of the owners of the house. Your attorney is going to need it.

5. Don't hesitate to call the police EVERY time he starts going off the deep end. Make an appointment to see someone at the sheriff's office that handles the calls. Odds are they're just as sick of coming out for his absurd calls. Give them your concerns and ask for their opinions. When you make an appointment, you're getting their undivided attention instead of officers on duty. If you recorded him, bring a COPY, not the original tape.

6. Go to your mayor's office. Make an appointment and again, bring your evidence. You need help and he/she just might be able to help.

7. The NC state website has legal services info for every county, including phone numbers and email addresses. Contact the county immediately for help.

http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/aging/services/legsvc.htm

Here's a link to the NC Division of Mental Health, Developmental Disabilities and Substance Abuse Services:

http://www.dhhs.state.nc.us/mhddsas/

Call them immediately. You need to get everyone on YOUR side and fast.

8. Call the governor's office immediately:

Contact the Governor's Office

You may contact the Governor's Office by sending a letter to Governor Easley,

by e-mailing the Governor's Office or by calling the Governor's Office at:

1-800-662-7952 valid in North Carolina only

(919)733-4240, or (919)733-5811.



The address for all correspondence is:

Governor Michael F. Easley

Office of the Governor

20301 Mail Service Center

Raleigh, NC 27699-0301

Fax: (919)715-3175 or (919)733-2120



9. Call your state representative's office and IMMEDIATELY ask for assistance.

10. What about a local news team that might do investigations and in-depth reports? Could they put the heat on the authorities to do something?



It will take some time, but you really need to get EVERYONE involved in this. Keep a detailed list of everything that happens, including date, time, actions of all involved, etc. Any time you call someone, make a note of date, time, who you called, their number, who you spoke with, what was said, etc.

Documenting everything will be your best defense.

If you need to email me, send it through my user name, which I will be updating in a few minutes. I am very concerned and really want to know how it all turns out. Good luck and stay safe!

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 11:03am

What a scary ordeal for you. I agree with the couple of people who have posted about contacting the landlord. I would let the homeowner know that he is causing so much distress. If he does get arrested for indecent exposure (sorry, I didn't see a post about whether the police were able to do anything about the nudity in the lawn - ICK!) then, chances are there is a clause in his lease that if he commits any criminal act he will be evicted.


Dealing with the homeowner is probably the cheapest way to deal with this weirdo. Band together with other neighbors, if possible. Fight for those wonderful memories and the house you deserve to own!


Best of luck!

Hugs from Jen

Mom to Molly (1997)
Hugs from Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2004
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 7:42pm
Sorry for your ugly situation, here are some options you may want to consider...

1. Restraining Order- If you've carefully documented your case, you may be able to obtain a restraining order. I'm not sure but, if a judge (and the police department support your case for) a restraining order, that requires him to stay "x" amount of feet away from your house. Then if he violates the restraining order, (get a video camera and film when he comes near your property) then when the police show up you don't have to get into a He said/she said match but they will have the ability to arrest him every time. Yes, this will make it ugly, but it's already ugly so at least this might make it ugly in your favor.

2. Sex Offender- The laws involving the protection of children are sometimes stronger than other laws. If he is out in the yard, where your children can see, and is not fully dressed you may be able to get him on an indecent exposure charge. AND if you show he is out staring at your children in his underwear, then you may be able to get him on the sex offender list and if you have a homeowners association can work to get him out. Since he is talking about the murder of your children I would think it is safe to say that he is a danger to children.

3. Neighborhood Watch- Invite all the neighbors on your street to a meeting (minus him of course) and tell them the history of this man (include copies of police reports). While they may be able to do nothing initially, they have a right to know and it may help you if you need to fill charges in the future if you have others observing as well. When it is just one neighbor or two neighbors calling the police they may pass it off as a "feud" when you start getting everyone on the street to call, then it becomes an issue that they need to address. If the Police start spending a large amount of thier time on the problem, they will find a way to fix the problem.

4. Talk to your local police chief- Make an appointment to discuss the situation with a superior, in a calm, logical way, when there is not an incident occurring. Obviously the police need to remain objective, but they will listen without passing judgement. The important thing is for you to try to get the police on your side. If the police can help document his erratic/unstable behavior then they can go to social services. This man potentially belongs in a group home or some other more supervised setting. And certainly his mother would benefit from being in another setting.

5. Find other family members- Are there other family members? Maybe they aren't aware of problems but if you get him arrested then perhaps other family members or the courts will step in.

6. Civil cases for harrassment/slander- In terms of taking a civil approach, filing charges of harrassment, libel, etc. There are societies such as legal aid that can help you out. The cost of retaining a lawyer usually kick in when you actually go to court, seek damages, etc. If your goal is basically trying to see this man in a setting where he won't be a risk to others and to see his mother in a setting where he won't hurt her, then you might never need to get to court. A lawyer might be able to search for other family members, contact their homeowners insurance company to let them know he is a liability (similar to someone owning a pit bull) etc.

7. Homeowners Association- Do you have one and can they do anything to help? They usually retain lawyers and their lawyers may be able to help. Obviously when your subdivision starts showing up on the police blotter every week, (often posted in the local paper) it will decrease overall property values.

Ordinarily, I wouldn't condone a fight fire with fire approach BUT, it is fairly clear that this man is not stable. There is the danger that going on the offensive might put him over the top, but the alternative is to just sit with a ticking time bomb across the street never feeling secure. This isn't just a property value issue, but could be a safety issue for your children so you are entirely within your rights to force the legal system and social services to do their job! Good Luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 7:49pm
My advice ==== MOVE FAST === This freak is obviously not right, and you need to get out of there before he does something that you will all regret... I would move as quickly as possible, it is NOT going to get any better, and why put your lives in danger???????
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 05-04-2004 - 10:14pm
I just wanted to thank everybody for being so supportive and understanding with this. My husband and I have both felt pretty stressed about the whole situation for the last few months. We actually did end up calling the sheriff's department the other day, but apparantly walking around your yard in your underwear is NOT indecent exposure (even if it did appear pretty indecent to me). The only way we could get charges on that is if we videotape him and have *proof* that more than his BVD's were showing... We're charging the camcorder and putting it by the door!

As far as his landlord goes, they have been of zero help---they hide behind how difficult it would be to evict him, because he has an open-ended lease, but in reality they just don't care. Their opinion seems to be that since they moved out of the neighborhood, and this guy is paying his rent on time every month, why should they be concerned? Sadly, the homeowner's association is non-existant. This is a older neighborhood, built by a large land developer in the 1960's. Our house was the first one in, and there were a few farther up the mountain, but was alone for years, then bulldozers showed up and put in the rest after leveling a forest. Since there were existing homes, no homeowner contract was ever put in place...



As I said before, moving is NOT an option for us. The prices on real estate in our area are phenomenally high--the LOWEST price we could get on a house anywhere near our size, or even one large enough to accomodate us, would be in the 250K-300K range. UGH! I think about a $2500 + mortgage payment every month and break out in a cold sweat! Plus, when we had the twins it pushed our finances to the limit, and we're just now recovering... The other issue would be selling--the city is looking at annexing this neighborhood, which would mean if we put it on the market, we would open the door to full scale inspections for a new certificate of occupancy, and we're in the middle of renovations right now--I dread to think what they would have us doing, and how long they would allow us to finish it. We had a friend who ended up having to do almost 20K worth of repairs, and they only gave them 90 days to do it before they started penalizing them and threatening to revoke their certificate of occupancy (without which you can't live in a house...) With both of our families being here, and my husband's mom losing her sight, we need to stay close. Plus, I'm stubborn. He's the problem, not me--he should be the one to go.



The sheriff's department has arrested him numerous times, mostly because of his mom calling in, but she would never actually press charges. We've talked to the social workers who came to our home about the domestic abuse, and they have told us that they have investigated the situation repeatedly, and tried to convince his mother to press charges against him or leave, but she refuses. She's older, and obviously frightened of him, but she also is very much able to make her own decisions, so if she won't cooperate, there's not much the authorities can do until he hurts her badly enough that she has to go to the hospital, and they file a report.

My only true comfort in this is that now that we're actively waiting for him to screw up, he can only "behave" himself for so long. With warm weather coming, he'll eventually do something stupid, like wander out of his yard drunk in the middle of the night, and I will be waiting... The sheriff's department has assured me that they are just looking for an opportunity to arrest him, and any charge will give them a good excuse. (They apparantly are pretty peeved about the last instance that they had to arrest him, and he actually tried to throw himself out of the window of a moving patrol car--handcuffed mind you--and then claimed that the officers had abused him and put up full color glossy photos of himself bruised from the car window frame all over town during a street festival with the caption "Look what the sheriff did to me"...) Once that happens, we'll be armed to force the landlord into action, or else hold them responsible and have the house foreclosed on by the county. (We have an ordinance in the county that allows rental property to be seized if the tenant presents a recurrent problem that the landlord does not deal with--it's rarely used, but in this situation would be appropriate we've been told by the county offices.) My husband works from home full time now, so at least we're never alone, unless he has to travel which is fairly infrequently.

Well, anyway, thank you all for being so great, and thank you for all of the suggestions. I'm going to be following several of them--I had already written a letter to our mayor, but I'm going to follow up on that, and go through the other offices as well. Even if they can't *do* anything right now, it would help for this situation to be on their radar, so to speak, before he pulls any other stunts and we proceed with charges. In the meantime, we'll be extra careful, and as my husband says "If he comes in the door, they better send a shovel to get him out..." I don't think he's kidding.

Thanks again--

Angela