Husband doesn't understand

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Husband doesn't understand
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 2:54pm
Hi I'm new here my husband and I just had a baby 2 months ago and we decided that I should stay home instead of paying for childcare. He used to be THe most loving and supportive person I knew now he expects me to take care of the baby cook dinner every night run errands and keep house spotless everyday he thinks that I do nothing all day but he doesn't understand that the baby is hard work and not sleeping at night doesn't help he has changed 2 diapers and gotten up one time with her in the middle of the night how do I help him to understand that the house can't be perfect everyday and that there are going to be some days that dinner just doesn't get made ?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2011
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 3:23pm
First, congrats on your new baby! DH and I had our second little one almost 3 weeks ago. We decided that I would be a SAHM when I was pregnant with our first, for the same reason of not having to pay the outrageous prices of daycare. The first few months are the hardest. I know that some people may argue it, but unless someone has been a SAHP they don't really know how exhausting it can be. I wih I had the magic answer to getting your husband to understand. All I can say is to just try sitting down and talking to him about it. The most important thing is to try your very best not to be mad when you talk to DH. If you try talking when you're upset he will may take it as an attack and that won't work out well for either of you. Just try and remember that it will get easier!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 09-10-2012 - 5:08pm

Congrats on your new baby!  I'm a mama of 3 as well, but mine are all boys.

Husbands can definitely be a little unsympathetic to the difficulties of being a SAHM, to say the very least.  I would advise talking rationally to your husband about it.  My doctor taught me the "DEAR" technique: describe the situation, explain how you feel, assert your needs, and reinforce the benefits for him.  Your conversation might go something like this:  "Honey, we decided together that it would be better if I was a SAHM while the baby is little, but I feel like you're expecting me to be Supermom.  Right now it would really help me if you understand that I'm not getting much sleep at night, and the baby keeps me busy during the day, besides helping the girls and doing things around the house.  As much as I would love to keep the house spotless and make a nice supper every night, it's just not realistic.  If you could help me with the baby when you get home from work, that would give me time to get a few things done around the house so that it's a little tidier for you."

That's my psychiatrist rubbing off on me...the other option is just to kick his butt and tell him, "This is the way things are going to be, buddy!"  :smileywink:

He may not get it, but keep gently reinforcing how much better it would be for him if he helped and eventually it may break through.  In the mean time, come back often and vent to us.  We undestand!