Husband problems

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2006
Husband problems
5
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 2:52pm
Hi girls! I am in a major dilemma. Some people tell me it's no big deal, that he'll come around. Others tell me that it IS a big deal. I would like your opinion. Here's the problem:
Well, my husband has had the same crappy fast-food jobs since we've gotten married. There has been talk from his side that he wanted to get a better job, or go to college. But it's just talk. We've been together for 5 years, and have three children. Right now we are barely getting by, and I've talked to him about getting a better job, education, or preferably both. I've tried every way possible! I've tried calmly talking to him about how I want him to feel better about himself, and of course more money for our family. I've tried yelling when I was just fed up, and I've tried to be blunt about it. I've told him that we won't last if he doesn't get motivated.
He's also getting really rude. It's like please and thank you kind of left is vocabulary and is replaced by the F word. The girls know better because I get after him about it when he says it in front of them, but still. Not a good example to them. Lately I just don't do something if he asks me to rudely, even if he corrects himself. I'm just glad our girls know to say please and thank you.
The other thing is, I'm feeling kind of low on his priority scale. All he does is dress in grubby cut off shirts with holes in them, and shorts with holes in them around the house. He doesn't shower much, and he plays video games all the time, instead of spend PRODUCTIVE time with the kids and I. I'm just throwing out his clothes that are really bad, and my friend and I are going to get him clothes that we know would look good on him. I try for him to look good, I would like some effort for me. I havn't felt like making love to him lately just because I'm not feeling like our kids and I are his priority. It's making him feel bad, which is making him worse. I even told him what the problem was, but he's still not trying. I know he loves me, and I love him, but sometimes that's not enough. He's slipping...bad. Like, last night he got drunk, which is fine, but what wasn't fine was that he was STILL drunk at 11 am when he had to go to work. He drank WAY too much, which happens. I'm just feeling like he's slacking and doesn't care anymore.
What do you think ladies? I'm upset about it, but at the same time not overly upset. I'm mostly really angry with him instead of hurt, like I used to be. He wasn't like this when we were dating. He just got comfortable and stopped caring about trying. I just want to be able to get through to him so I don't have to divorce him. It'd be hard on the kids, me, and him. Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 4:48pm

I am *so* sorry that you are going through this!

I've never been in this position, so I don't know if I'll be much help here. First off, I wouldn't stand for my dh getting drunk like that, but that's me. I would also expect him to shower if he wants me in bed with him... period. If he is willing to go take a shower, then you need to make every effort possible to *enjoy* being with him. Sex is a HUGE factor in marriage, and the more you have it, the more you want it.
As for the job thing, it may be time for you to look for work. Maybe if he sees *you* dressing nice everyday and going to work and bringing in the money, it will hit his ego enough for him to get motivated. Don't nag or be rude, just show him by example how to behave... men can be pretty primitive at times I know.

Hang in there, and you'll be in my prayers!

((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))



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Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 9:09pm

wow... i'm so sorry you're having these issues.


I agree with you about how you're reacting when he doesn't say please and thank you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2006
Sat, 05-27-2006 - 10:24pm

Okay,

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2006
Sun, 05-28-2006 - 10:46am

sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that it gets better for you! HUGS!!!

Dawn

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Mon, 05-29-2006 - 6:23pm
ummm i can say i know what you are going through. it was like reading my own marriage story. Unfortunatly its didnt have a happy ending. our divorce was final jan. 27, 2005. i couldnt take anymore, and he refused to do anything about it. i was 24 ish and NOT going to live my life and those of my 3 girls that way forever. i have been on state assistance for the majority of 6 yrs. at least now i have hope to only have medical soon since i stay at home and my SO's comp doesnt have benifits. all i can pass on is hugs & hope that all ends well for you guys....
~ Shannon~