I feel like I am totally losing my mind!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2003
I feel like I am totally losing my mind!
3
Sun, 11-14-2004 - 11:38pm
Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I'm wondering if anyone ever feels like I do right now--like I'm a complete failure as a parent and a basket case. I stay at home with my two girls and I'm feeling burnt out. And I feel guilty for feeling that way, because these are my kids and good moms aren't supposed to feel that way, right?

I just came off one of my worst parenting days ever. Last Friday, my oldest girl (age 4) hit my youngest girl (age 3) three separate times during the day. The first two times it happened, I was pretty calm, but upset. She got times outs. The third time it happened, I lost it. I was loadind the dishwasher and I saw her hit *again*. I smashed a coffee cup in the dishwasher, I took my child upstairs and I yelled! Ahhh, I feel so horrible. I just lost it. I was screaming at her, "Why would you do this? What is wrong with you?" She said, "I don't know" and I replied, "I don't want to hear 'I don't know' This has to stop NOW!" ...and I was screaming. I know this scared her. I know it upset her.

In addition, I really was a complete bad mom, because I just lost it and I started crying. After her time out, I was bawling because this incident upset me so much. Both of my daughters said, "Are you ok mommy" and I said, "Mommy is ok and I'll be fine, but right now I just need to cry a bit. Everyone gets sad and everyone cries and everything will be ok."

I...just...feel...like...I'm...a...horrible...mom.

I was so angry at my daughter that I just didn't even want to be around her after all of this. Isn't that SO AWFUL to even say???? I was just so frustrated with her.

I'm worried. I'm wondering what I'm doing wrong as a parent--that my child is hitting. We don't spank and I try to avoid yelling. Maybe I'm not succeeding. Do most 4 year olds hit? Do they hit sometimes because they lack impulse control? Or is hitting just a normal thing every 4-year old does?

My husband and I are very committed parents. We have a wonderful relationship and we do lots of things with our kids. We love our kids very much.

I'm just wondering what I'm doing wrong. It's Sunday night and I still feel so horrible about this incident. I lost control and I feel like a failure.

Does anyone ever feel this way? Have you ever had a temper explosion in your house?

I'm open to any constructive criticisms or opinions.

Thanks for reading and for any feedback,

Glo

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 8:44am
First off, I want to send you some hugs!!!
Second, you are NOT a bad mom for what happened. I think we all get upset and yell when we shouldnt. It is natural for you to get angry, you are human and can only take so much.
I think what you did was better then hitting her or really doing worse things.
I have gotten mad at my 5 year old plenty of times to where I was yelling. I also felt really bad afterwards.
I just wanted to let you know you are not a bad parent and your children know they are loved.


Lilypie Baby Days



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 9:54am
hi,

I can relate to how you're feeling, I have a 26 month old son. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters, so my husband and I are usually the one's he starts hitting, punching, etc... I think all kids do it,and sometimes I lose my temper and yell at him and he gets scared. I feel guilty after, and I have learned to control myself a lot better. Your not a bad mom at ALL, everyone has those kind of days!!

Do you stay home all day with your kids, meaning do you guys do anything together or just stay home? Something that REALLY helps my temper is to workout. We belong to the YMCA, and they have a child care room where they will watch your child, or children for 2 hours,while you workout, shower, etc..Hope this helped out.

katie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 6:57pm
You know I came to this board with a very similar post along time ago...I had this picture that I was supposed to be June Cleaver..and even my doctor told me..June Cleaver doesn't exist if she did she would be rich and have nannies...most honest information a doctor has ever given me. I have 2 boys 3 years and 21 months..yes very close together. When the second came around I felt like I had entered the twilight zone. My oldest who wasn't very old starting head butting his newborn brother one day I came unglued and did an episode very close to what you did. I went outside and screamed at the top of my lungs and beat myself in the head. I was truely under the impression I was loosing it. That no longer did I have a life. My Life was over and I didn't exist. All that was left was a shell of a girl I used to know. Let me even tell you what happened after my last delivery... I delivered a month early (baby was fine), had a tubal the next day, had my galbladder removed 2 days later, then lost 4 1/2 pints of blood from my uterus the next day after that...so I wasn't exactly in the best physical shape when my husband went back to work...but he had to go..My newborn wasn't sleeping. And the morning Dh left for work I started crying from physical and emotional tear down and called a friend and told her I just couldn't handle it and I was ready to end it...She came over and gave me a much needed break..

Thats what you HAVE TO HAVE! I am with my kids 24/7 except I take one day a week to put them in a daycare and go to school full time at night when they are asleep. I finally realized I had to have a break too. Not only were the kids my love and joy, but they are my full time responsibility that I cannot do to excellence if my brain is fried. You live your life for your kids, but you also have feelings and reactions to other things in your life. You NEED TIME! Even if its one day off every 2 weeks. If you don't you will always feel unfufilled in your life. TAke time off even if dh watches the kids and you go out to do something (anything) by yourself. I still have days I wanna just scream. But if I look forward to the day I have all to myself, I remain normal. You have to remember you are someone too. And just because you are a mom doesn't me you aren't human. You have bad days too. If you didn't you might as well be a stepford wife. My advice is take some time back. Even if its going to school, two hours with dh watching them, or a day of daycare a month or week. You deserve it and you NEED IT! But don't feel alone...I know where you are at...and you aren't mothering bad..you are just in need of some tender care. Good luck to you! I have been there and it only gets easier when you remember yourself as well as being selfless.