I need some cheering up!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I need some cheering up!!
11
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 2:37pm

We had a sad & emotional night. Last Friday (Good Friday) my DH worked a 15 hour shift (overtime) because a major trauma rolled in that involved a child in the afternoon, and it took him hours to stabilize this child for surgery. He was very depressed and emotionally affected, plus it was the anniversary of his mom's death the next day, who died of cancer two years ago.

All week he did follow-up on this case and I've never seen him care so much for a patient. He truly did everything he knew to do, but the child never regained consciousness. So very tragic!! I can't even go there.

Yesterday was DH's birthday. I went into the hospital to have lunch with him with the 4 kids, but barely saw him otherwise. He came home late because he checked on this patient. We had a late birthday dinner, and put the kids to bed. Just as we were settling in to have romantic "birthday" time, he got a call from the hospital that the family of this patient was considering discontinuing life support on their child, but the mother wanted Michael (DH) to consult with, as he'd shown her so much compassion, and she hadn't bonded with the neurosurgeon or the pediatric intensivist nearly as well. So of course, Michael dropped everything & rushed off to the hospital. He had to be the determining factor as to whether or not to "pull the plug." I have no idea where he finds the strength, when he's a father himself, to advise a mother to do that, even if it's the ethical thing to do in this extreme case. I have a strong husband. I'm glad I don't ever have to stand in his shoes, but because I love him, I'm there with him in spirit and it hurts me. . . Apparently, the child was brain dead with no hope of recovery, and it was felt that suffering was just being prolonged (although I wonder if the organ transplant team wasn't panting in the doorway).

Michael came home at nearly 4 AM and got less than 2 hours sleep, because he had to work a day shift today. He woke me up hugging me, and told me the child had died around 2. The family had made the decision to turn off the life support machines that were essentially just breathing & beating this child's heart. Michael was devastated. He had poured his heart into this case in the few short days he was involved, and worked *so* hard last Friday for hours to prolong this little life. What a great birthday present for him!

Most of all, my heart *breaks* for this family. I can't even imagine. I can't even go there. I am just so so so sad. I also feel for my husband, because I love him. . . so I'm pretty depressed & alone with the kids today, trying to get myself together, hugging my healthy kids, and fighting tears. Tonight we have reservations for a romantic night away that I planned as a surprise for him weeks ago (he doesn't know), but on 2 hours sleep in the past 36, and emotionally drained & used up, how much fun is it going to be for him? Oh well. . . ::SIGH:: It will be nice to be alone without the kids, anyway.

Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent.

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:03pm
Sofia, I am so sorry your Dh had to go through that...but so glad he was there for those parents. As awful as it is I believe even death happens for a reason. Hopefully this little girls organs will go on to save someone like your Dh. Maybe someone who is supposed to be a Doctor or someone needed to change our world for the better. This is such a hard subject and I am so glad there are people like your Dh able to be guided by God in making desicions like this. ((BIG HUGS)) to you!!!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:07pm
BIG (((((HUGS))))) to you and your dh! That has to be tough! The hospital dh works at is level 1 trauma and sees more cases like that than they care to. They also do a lot of transplants and although I hope the transplant team wasn't 'panting' I do hope they donated what they could. Such a tragic story! I hope things get better at your place.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:47pm
Hugs Sofia,I am so sorry for this family,God works in mysterious ways. Your DH is a very awesome man to be so compassionate to this family. It is so hard now days to find a DR. with that attribute.Sounds like God had a good plan for your DH when he helped him decide

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 3:57pm
Sofia I am SO sorry! I just can't imagine going through that with my child, or even watching someone else go through it. It takes a special kind of person to do what he does, that's for sure.
I pray you & Michael have a restful & enjoyable evening together.
((((((HUGS))))))))



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:22pm
I can see why this would upset you. I would feel lost on having to deal with this.
I cannot imagine how hard it is for your husband to deal with losses of a child at any time of his career.
I am sorry the boy did not make it and I think your husband is awesome for being to be there for the family of that boy. Some Dr's are not some compassionate about the people they treat.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2002
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 8:20pm

(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))


To you

Avatar for me_n_my_gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 8:50am

Oh, Sofia, what an awful tragedy! I'm so sorry you had to deal with this. It truly makes you count your blessings, doesn't it? I'm sending you hugs, and praying for that family.

Hugs,
Wendy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Sat, 04-22-2006 - 6:42pm
Oh Sofia that must be so awful for Michael too. That poor family, can't even begin to imagine the tragic horror and I don't know how you do it. You're so strong, being Michael's rock, his solatude and fortress of support. And you've got a great man there, dedicated and everything that a good man should be from how you talk about him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Sun, 04-23-2006 - 2:39am

((((Hugs))) to you and your family, I'm sorry you and DH had to go through that, he's a strong man for trying really hard and because he keeps on going helping

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 1:31pm

Wow, you guys totally touched me!! What an outpouring of support! This is a great board! You're all *awesome*, thank you soooooo much for your hugs and sweet comforting words. You made me smile!

Sofia




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