I need some honest opinions

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
I need some honest opinions
4
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 10:41am

Hi everybody--I've been MIA for a while--we went through 2 rounds of the flu (the real thing UGH), followed by me developing bronchitis then pneumonia, so this is the first time for about 3 months that our house doesn't sound like a TB ward. YAH!!! for the end of cold and flu season!!!! There's just no polite way to say it--that just sucked! :) We're all feeling froggy now, though, and the sun is shining, so all is well.

This is what I'm confused about--we have three boys, Wil is 8, the twins will be 5 in a month, and we could potentially have no little guys not in school for the first time in 8 years. This would free me up to get a part time job, and still volunteer at the school. And, needless to say, the extra money is always helpful. So now, of all times, I have decided that I want to have another baby. I'm only 32 (we had to start early because I have PCOS), and with my fertility issues, the doorway of possibility is going to start closing very soon.

After the twins were born, I was VERY heavy, and it was causing problems with my health, so I ended up getting talked into having my tubes clipped. All of the concerns about me getting pregnant again centered on the stress that the weight would cause my body. I've since continued to lose weight, and what do you know--the problems with my health started melting away with the pounds. (Duh.) So here I am, early thirties, in much better shape than I was even going INTO getting pregnant with the twins, and I swear to you, I wake up at night smelling that new baby smell. I dreamed the other night that I was pregnant. It was so real that I could feel the baby hiccuping. I woke up and cried myself back to sleep when I realized that it was only a dream. I feel like my heart is breaking when I think that I may never hold another baby of my own.

So, here's the dilemma. Obviously I need to continue with the weight loss until I get as teensy as I can humanly be before I even think about getting my tubes opened. Even then, there's no guarantee that it will work. I have polycystic ovary syndrome, so there's also no guarantee that I could be "tricked" into ovulating again either, even if the tubes are patent. I'm terrified that I'm setting myself up to be heartbroken even more than if I don't try. My husband is of course worried, but is willing to support what I want to do as long as I take every precaution I can to safeguard my health. I know that part of this is probably the ticking of my biological clock, which for me is on a faster wind down than most women's. It is just SO consuming. It is the most overwhelming feeling--I haven't felt my heart seize something so tightly since we were first trying to get pregnant, and weren't sure if we ever would be able to.

Has anyone here ever been through that desperate crazed desire to have another baby when it could be argued that you may have enough already?? How did you deal with it? Did it get any better, or was it a permanent thing?? I don't think I could deal with this overwhelming NEED if it never got any quieter in my heart. I appreciate anything you guys may think about this...

Angela

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2005
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 11:11am

((((hugs)))) Angela!!!


I'm so sorry you've gone through so much... My SIL has PCOS, and has had 3 miscarriages since she and my BIL got married. I think they've pretty much given up on having a baby :o(


You

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 12:05pm

Angela!!! I am so sorry your family went through that yucky flu! But so glad to see a post from you!


**Has anyone here ever been through that desperate crazed desire to have another baby when it could be argued that you may have enough already?? How did you deal with it? Did it get any better, or was it a permanent thing?? I don't think I could deal with this overwhelming NEED if it never got any quieter in my heart. I appreciate anything you guys may think about this...**


I am going through that desperate crazed thing...you know I think we may even have had the same dream. Dh and I have decided to ttc #3. Now I do not have the pcos or have my tubes tied so I can't say I know how you feel with that. I too am losing weight and after talking with my Dr we both agreed it was okay for Dh and I to ttc since I am having issues already at 31 with my periods being irregular and such. I know that if I get pg again that I will have gestational diabetes so I am working on losing weight...50 bls and already starting to go back on the diabetic diet just in case. Dh and I have decided to try for a year and if nothing happens we plan to adopt from the foster care system....I just can't imagine this need going away though. I will be praying for your health and that whatever happens is for the best!


Best Wishes!


Traci

Image hosting by Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Wed, 04-20-2005 - 6:09pm
UGH! Yes I have the same silly wish in my heart.
And the only way I could get pregnant right now is to have another laproscopy to get rid of the endo that has come back and is probably in my tubes. Then I get to take fertility drugs b/c I don't ovulate on my own . I don't have PCOS ( at least I don't think so, I was tested for other problems), but I have a condition that's similar to it.
Neither of those 2 things are really appealing. I was sick for 24 hrs after my last laproscopy due to the stuff they gave me to knock me out. And as far as fertility drugs, I just don't want to go there.
I keep thinking about fostering/adopting. Dh and I have always talked about it, but we don't want a child that's much older than 8-10, which is the age of my youngest right now. Then there's the whole issue of me going to school. I think I want my RN, found out today the waiting period to get in is up to 2 years- blech.
Anyhow, I hear what you're saying, and I don't think it goes away either. As far as us, I have no clue what we're going to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 04-21-2005 - 10:05am

I'm posting to the original so I can answer all of you and not leave anybody out LOL! I promise I haven't lost my mind and started talking to myself. . . often.

I would be hard pressed to admit this ANYWHERE else, but after the twins were born, I had 120 pounds to lose. That's another person!! (I'm only 5'1", so feel free to try to visualize. . . ) I couldn't even tell Wendell (that's my hubby) how much I had to lose. I've just struggled along with it, and have been taking it down slowly for 5 years. PCOS absolutely KILLS your metabolism, and with all of the androgen/insulin problems, you're pretty much a shoo in for getting chubby at the drop of a hat, but what really did it was putting on weight with the fertility meds before the pregnancy, and then getting stuck on partial/full/partial/full etc. bedrest during the pregnancy. It was SCARY--I could feel my butt getting larger every day LOL! And then my doctor acts surprised that I'm having new health problems. . . Well, duh! There was twice as much of ME as before! I finally reached a point where I just couldn't live in that body anymore--and I sure as heck didn't want to die in it. I've still got some weight to lose, but considering how long it will probably take to get through the process of ttc, I'll just keep at it during. I guess one of my big fears is that all the "experts" that were so deeply involved in my reproductive life there for a while (oh yeah, it's sooooo romantic, but that's a topic for another day LOL!) are insisting that I will probably have twins again. That's 5 children. Wow. I know, it's only 1 more than 4, but it just SOUNDS so much bigger lol! That, and the fact that I know I'll be looking at losing the weight all over again if it is twins. I just don't do that svelte skinny everywhere but the belly pregnant thing. I'm more the puff-a-lump pregnant type LOL!

I can't tell you all how much it helps to know that I'm not the only one wading through this particular pond, so to speak. I see all these women out that have one baby, maybe two, and can't wait to get their tubes tied. People can be soooo rude. We'll go out with all three of the boys, and the first comment is always "You've got your hands full." followed quickly by a sarcastic "You need a few more of those". They're just not nice. Yes, my boys--three within three years--are a lot of work, and yes, having more would make it even more work, but it's work that I love, that I gladly do, and it makes me SO mad that people presume to tell me their opinion of my family size when they don't even know me (or even if they do, and I haven't come close to expressing a desire for the information). I asked here for honesty, and was prepared for views on either side of the issue, but to have it thrown at you in the grocery store line by a stranger is just hurtful. . . Ok, I feel better. LOL!

Thank you guys--most of my friends have moved away from here, and except for things with the kids (PTO and Scouts lol) I'm pretty isolated. Having you all to talk to is more of a saving grace than I think you realize sometimes. HUGS!

Angela