I need your advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
I need your advice
5
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 11:36am

We are having trouble sleeping arrangements and temper tantrums.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:00pm

Welcome back Valerie. Sorry it's been so rough for you. It sounds like Christian misses his mommy, and has found a surefire way to get you all to himself, to get you to stop with the baby and pay sole attention to him. Smart lil' buggars aren't they!? Have you tried increasing the amount of one on one time he gets with you through out the day? Setting and keeping a specific bedtime routine that you do with him, just him?


I know the feeling that you've somehow perminently damaged your first born by having another. I think all those "experts" are right when they say you should, when having to deal with whos needs to meet first, go for the first born because the younger knows no different, but the older vividly remembers when mommy had all the time in the world for him/her. Not every single time, you don't want to raise a neurotic narcissist, but I hope you KWIM.


As for the sleeping, no it is not unreasonable to have him sleeping in his own bed in his own room. Especially since he was doing just that pre-brother. I don't have much advice other than consistancy. What ever you choose to do, do it consistantly. One time of giving in and the deal is null and void, you start from square one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:16pm

I know your stressed out and tired. My two oldest son's are 17months apart and I breast fed. I also was a teacher in a private school for two year old's for 3 years. Whether you had another baby or not your two yr. old would most likely try to not sleep in his own bed after the newness of the bed wore off. Is there anyway to have your two yr. old help you put the baby to bed at night(even if it's just until he falls asleep)? Maybe a bassinet or pack-n-play with the bed at the top? Yes he is probably feeling a little like he is being replace, but he will get over that. You didn't mess up with your two yr. old by having another baby, he just has to get used to the change of life. Have you tried taking a spray bottle with water and letting him spray the window before he goes to bed at nap or night time so that he can spray the scary part away and then leave the spray bottle in the room with him? Have you tried reading to him and sticking to your guns so to speak with him about him abosolutely not getting up after that? Two year olds are masters at munipulating good example is him making himself throw up. Two year olds have to have constant repetive discipline. They are very bright and if they can figure out that your stressed or tired at a certain time everyday then they will also figure out how to munipulate a situation into getting what they want! I know it's amazing, but they are very intuitive! Sometimes when you think it's just easier to just let them get away with something you pay in the end. I always try so tell myself with my kiddos if I give an inch now they will take a mile later. It may take a week or so, but just keep putting him back in his bed, don't talk to him after he is put to bed, make eye contact, or turn on any extra lights. Just keep putting him back and back and back until he gives in, you don't want to give up before him or he'll have you all figured out. Once you do the putting back repetively every night for 3 to 4 days he should stop. Also always reward him the when he wakes up and praise him for staying in his bed, once he does. Hopefully this helps. Good Luck you'll make it, it's just hard right now and I know your very tired.

Staci

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 12:46pm

I've been wondering if I am going to have a similar problem with Noah when the new baby is born in April. Noah slept with us until he was six months old and we plan to do the same thing with the next so I'm waiting to see how that will all work out.


I don't think it's unreasonable to have him sleep in his bed. He is probably just missing out on that mommy time he was used to before. I know that it can be kind of hard to go without that time but would it be possible to not lay him down for his nap in the afternoon? It sounds like you're

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:15pm
Don't feel bad, I have a 2yr old who, since she was born, was a nightmare to go to bed & take naps. It took me up until now to get her to go to bed in her room & take a nap in her room. I tried EVERYTHING, from CIO, co-sleeping, which, in my case, was the biggest mistake I ever made, to her screaming every time I put her to bed she would also make herself throw up on purpose. There was one week where she did it every night & I ran out of pj's & sheets! Finally, what I did was I happened to see thins teddy bear at ToysRUs, he's all white & when you push his paw, he lights up in all these color swirls & cool patterns. By some miracle, this bear saved the day,& now an hour before she goes to bed, I make sure she's had her final snack & drink for the night, put her in her crib with the bear, then I sit in a chair next to her crib until she falls asleep. I don't talk to her or look at her, just sit there. Mind you the 1st week was awful, the bear worked until its automatic shut off after 15 min, then she'd scream at me. As hard as it was, I just sat there & ignored her. She couldn't make herself throw up, because her snack was already digested, even though she would try, it wouldn't happen. When she got the clue that she wasn't going to get what she wanted by throwing up, she would reluctantly lay down & play with the bear, it occurred to her that she could shut it off/on by herself. I've only been doing this for about a month, this time I stuck to my guns, because, like you, I will have a new baby in May, & am fearful of her reverting back to her old ways, so I hope that by doing this now before the baby comes, she'll be happy in her room. Now, a month has passed, I still have to sit in her room with her when I put her to bed, but she doesn't fight me when I put her in, she lays down & goes right for the bear. I don't let her play with the bear outside her crib, she knows it's only for bedtime, so she associates the bear with bed, so far, she is doing so much better. I've been able to move the chair further and further away from her crib, but not out of the room yet, that will probably take another month! But I understand how you feel, I remember being so upset when my friends' babies would go to bed all by themselves and nap by themselves. I still have to rock her to sleep for her nap, but I'll take that any day over the big improvement she's had at night. My concern is that I would like to put her in a toddler bed soon,& am afraid that we won't be able to continue this routine with her at night, I don't know how to transition her to that, but for now, hang in there, there is bound to be some niche that will do it for your toddler, for me, it was just by chance that I saw this bear at the store, and figured, I have nothing to lose, it was worth a try, and it took 2 years for me to get her to this point!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 1:37pm

He is finally asleep.

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