I should be happy.........Can I vent?
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| Thu, 06-28-2007 - 5:36pm |
Hi,
I am returning to the boards (frequent user of the July 2006 expecting club) after the whirl wind this past year has been. My oldest son was adopted (born in Korea) and we had our miracle baby last July - had several years of failed infertility treatments -ended up getting prego on our own.
I have not been working full time for a year now after I went out on early maternity leave because of high blood pressure and in October decided to leave my full time position after being there for 7 years. After I left my job I did get a part time job (nights and weekends) hosting then serving at a national restaurant chain to help fill in the gap. I guess like most sahm's I went through a horrible depression since having Gabe. Some weeks I drink 1 or 2 drinks at night to make myself feel happier. I was happy for a while when the weather got better, then the school ended for the summer. The girls up the street drive me absolutely insane. They call everyday wanting to play with my older son and the kids are nice but I am not used to girls and the tattle telling and it always the smaller one is always yelling at Alex. The other issue is that we have a pool and the girls are always trying to get in (I won't let them in - too risky legally) and then on hot days Alex doesn't want to swim b/c of the girls. Yesterday I was litterly sitting down to pee when the door bell rings and guess who's at the door?
I feel so selfish, I have been toying with the idea of going back to work, I have even posted on Monster. I cannot stand feeling like this and most days I don't want to be a Mom/Maid anymore. Is this awful? I feel like I died when I gave birth. Some weeks are good, but then I'm miserable again. I do love my husband and kids, but I don't know and ya know the sad thing is that my friend who needs to work would give her right eye to be in my shoes and most days, I wish I were in hers.
Please don't judge me....I do enough of that myself, but does anyone have any coping advice? Thank you.

I just found this board so no one knows me, but I wanted to give my opinion on this. You don't have to be a stay at home mom. There are many great mothers that work outside the home because that's what makes them happy and thus a better mother. I stay home because it's right for me right now, but I know several great mothers that would go nuts if they stayed home all day with their kids. So, if getting out and working makes you happy, don't feel bad about it. A happy mommy is a good mommy. Plus it's not the amount of time you spend with your kids that matters it's the quality of time. Hope that helps.
Cassie
HI There!
I read your post and I felt like it could have been mine. I was a working mom until about 18 months ago. I stopped working a few months before the birth of my second child. I had looked forward so much to staying at home with my kids, it had been a goal since my daughter was born in 2003, and just over 2 years later we were finally able to make it work. I feel so ungrateful when I have days where I lose my cool and can't cope, sometimes I honestly feel like I was a better mother when I only saw my daughter 3 hours a day. But, with that said, I have found a few things that help.
1. Reach out to playgroups and activities that center around your child's interests and age level, a lot of times I have found that we meet kids that are compatible with my daughter and sometimes even a mom that's fun for me to spend time with too.
2. Get a part time job or take a class...nourishing your own spirit and interests is not only good for you, but it will benefit your children. I had a part time job over the holidays at Ann Taylor in the mall, and just knowing two nights a week I could check out of bedtime responsibilities and talk to adults was so great.
3. Do what makes you happy, not what you think should make you happy. This is a struggle for me. I had so many pre-conceived notions of what marriage and having a family was going to be like, that I feel like such a failure if I have a bad day. If you feel like working would be the right thing to do, then you should do it. I know plenty of wonderful mothers who work(I like to think that I was one of them for the first 2 years of my daughter's life :)) .
I hope that this stuff helps, I am a total work in progress, so these are just today's theories!
Take care!
Jana
I have not had a chance to read the other reponses, so forgive me if some of my advice is redundant. Nobody should judge you - what you are going through is very normal. It took me a good year after becoming a SAHM before I stopped thinking that I had made the biggest mistake of my life. It's a huge adjustment: you have completely changed your schedule, your lifestyle, your finances, even your friends (I had to make all new friends because all of my former friends worked). The key is to somehow find some kind of outlet that is just for you - no kids, no husband, just you and maybe some other mom friends. You have got to get a little support group of other SAHMs - join a playgroup, find a national support group like "MOPS" or "Mothers and More" or "The Moms Club". Join a book club, go to the gym (working out really helps me feel better physically and emotionally), do anything that will give you a little time to yourself. Don't beat yourself up - you are totally normal. And if none of this works, see a counselor (I did - I had some PPD after DS #2 was born in addition to already being a bored, lonely new SAHM).
As for the neighbor girls, just tell them no whenever you don't feel like having them over, and don't feel guilty about it. You are not responsible for entertaining the neighborhood. Finally, share your frustrations with your DH and ask for his help - he can help with housework and watch the kids while you go out for a girls night whenever you need it (girls nights are high priority with me) :-)
Most of all, cut yourself some slack and hang in there! Good luck - keep us posted.
Paige (mom to 3 boys)
Hi,
I was also a member of the July Expecting club but I don't post over at the playgroup anymore.