I think I am going to fant in disbelief.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
I think I am going to fant in disbelief.
4
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 1:01pm
Okay..I have had a problem with my db not helping out with the baby, with the older children and with housework in general. I dont work and its just easier for me to do everything MY way then to expect him to do it and mess everything up.

Well, this whole weekend I have felt sick. I am preggo again with #4 and I just felt soo tired. You know what he did? HE took Sat off from work and turned down a side job for Sunday so he could stay home.He fed the baby, changed her and played with her. He cleaned up the kitchen after he ate, and he even took out the trash. Okay, for most of you that doesnt sound like much. For him, it was alot. He never usually does anything. He told me to just relax, he will handle everything. He even went to my ex's house to pick up the older two. THAT blew me away. He actually went and picked up the kids W/O killing my ex...someone call the news...

He said he didnt mind..he knows how hard I work ..go figure.. I am not complaining!!!

Kay

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 1:53pm
Hi Kay,

Now, I'm going to preface my reply with the fact that I don't know you or your DB and I don't know your situation, but in my humble opinion, it sounds like your DB WANTS to do more but you prevent him by doing it all yourself.

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It sounds like you aren't giving him the opportunity to participate and help you out. Look how he jumped at the chance to take time off of work and turn down a job to get involved and help. Maybe he liked playing with the kids and being the "dad" with some family responsibility. Give him the chance to do some things and be more involved and I bet you'll see how great it is, especially for you, since he can help with the responsibility. Let go of some of the control (which I understand, being a SAHM myself, it IS easier to just do it yourself but remember, you're not the only parent) and let your DB get some joy out of his family the way you do. A valuable lesson I've learned is that even if he doesn't do things *YOUR* way, his way is probably okay too. :-) We women have to remember we're not the authority on everything. :-)

Good for him for stepping up when he got the chance. I bet he really enjoyed himself!

Just my two cents. Congrats on #4!!!

Adrienne

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 2:14pm
NO, its not like that. I find it easier to just do it myself instead of asking him or making him help. He works soo much and feel guitly b/c I dont bring in any money and I feel like I force him into this. Granted he can makes his own choices and he knew before he and I got together, that I have two children and that its a big responsiblity. I had a job and was forced to quit b/c of the pregnancy and the baby. Its cheaper for me to stay home. Its not that I dont like staying home, I am just used to working and taking care of the house/kids on my own...been doing it for 4yrs since my ex left..

Then we move in with each other and he works and I stay home. Things were going great for a while. But as time went by, I got tired of cleaning up after him. He cant even hang his wet towel up from the shower..instead he tosses it on the bed and then the bed gets wet.

I get up every morning to pack his lunch and make his breakfast. He has left his cooler in the truck and then the next morning I have nothing to pack his lunch in. Whose fault is that? HIS..but he blames me...so no cooler = no lunch. But it always causes a fight.

He can never clean up after himself.

So, what I meant earlier was that its just easier for me just to do it instead of making him do it. I was shocked he even offered this weekend and surprised that he did the things that he did.

Sorry for the confusions

Kay

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 3:12pm
That's great that he did that. How nice of him to see how hard you work at keeping the house in one piece.
Be sure to give him a great big hug and thanks, he might even do it again for you, if he knows that you appreciate it.


Lilypie Baby Days



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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2004
Mon, 11-15-2004 - 11:15pm
thats awesome!