I think I have a problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
I think I have a problem
8
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 4:26am
Ok, I am a SAHM of a 3 yr old and 7 yr old. I think I have a problem and I want desperately to fix it for my kids sake. I am uncomfortable inviting people to my house. I always feel like it is not clean enough and good enough. Most of my friends with kids that I would like to do playdates with have much nicer homes than I do.I am embarrased by my home. I think I am ruining my kids lives by behaving this way, but I don't know how to make it go away. I have been battling this problem for many years, but as my kids get older it is getting worse and embarrasing. I feel like my oldest is not bonding with friends like she should because I never let her invite people to our house. Do I have a problem? What can I do to make this stop? I know I am damaging my kids. Thank you very much in advance for any advice or similar stories.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 6:42am
I feel the same way to a point. I feel my home is not better then others and it makes me feel less then my friends

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 7:52am

ITA with Mel. I was going to suggest that you invite some of your children's friends over to play. As long as it is a safe environment, you don't have to have a showplace for kids to play in. As a matter of fact, I would be a nervous wreck if my house had many valuables, breakables, etc. and a bunch of little kids playing in it! LOL! Kids really don't mind where they play as long as they are safe and with their friends. Like Mel said, try it out!!

Good Luck!
Wendy
SAHM to Katie and Molly

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 11:44am

You know, your house is filled with love and that is all that matters.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Mon, 07-24-2006 - 12:35pm

omg lol vanasa, but i agree..... growing up, i remember (and im only 26y) playing with my friends and running around the neighborhood.... i can mostly only remember the layout and path I took to get to their rooms or the kitchen.... dont ask me what it looked like cause i dont remember, i only remember the fun things we did. I was the same way, but you know what, if they dont like it, theres the door. thats the phrase i adopted, and i feel so much better about myself. it applies to me, mine and our stuff and ways of life..... and you know what? the neighbor kids still come up to my lil 2nd floor apt, and play with my kids, and we dont even have video games! and my friends still call to go out for coffee... Believe in yourself, and the rest will be fine { or at least fake it and all will be well, and one day you will realize its true ;) }

~Shannon
SAHM to Ashley, Carole & Gloria

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2006
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 2:16am

Thank you ladies! I really appreciate your support. I know it is a silly problem, but it is just eating me up. The silly thing is that I have the best toys and always have. my kids have everything imaginable to play with and share with other kids. I am going to do it!! And the funny thing is the friend my daughter wants to invite over has to be the richest kid in her class. Her dad is a dr and they live on a farm......We just started on a strict budget and we are renting an apartment.
You guys are so right though. The kids don't care and they will have fun here. I am a fun mom and very flexible which makes for fun playdates and sleepovers. When I was a kid my parents never invited anyone over and I guess I got a lot of this from them. I think I need to realize that I am more embarrassed that I don't invite anyone over than the fact that my house is not perfect. You guys are right-it is about how my house feels not looks. So, I am going to dive in and do it this week. I promised my daughter that she could ask a friend to sleep over. We have had people over in the past and they wanted to come back over and over soooo it cannot be that bad. I just want this to go away. It feels really bad and I don't know why it is just so hard.
One time I confided in a friend(she has no kids) and told her that sometimes I feel inadequate compared to my kid's friends homes, etc. She said "if the parents are going to judge you then they really aren't the type of people worth being friends with."

Thanks so much. Hell, I think I will invite the entire class over. LOL!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:30am
I know how you feel! My house is a disaster area right now. But if it isn't clean enough for you, sounds like you have CHAOS (Can't have anyone over syndrome) You might want to try Flylady.
readers
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 10:42am

I'm glad to hear that you're going to invite some kids over to your house.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2004
Tue, 07-25-2006 - 11:08am

I am so excited for you and your kids!