I thought this was pretty funny...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
I thought this was pretty funny...
4
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:39pm

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

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Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ
the King.

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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance
to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't
forget your husbands.

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The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been
canceled due to a conflict.

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Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

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Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way
again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

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For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

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Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir.
They need all the help they can get.

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Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of
Pastor Jack's sermons.

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The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

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Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church.
So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.

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Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several
new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

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Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person
you want remembered.

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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

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The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be
seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

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This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from
the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

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Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are
invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.

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The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.

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Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please
use large double door at the side entrance.

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The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2005
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 2:50pm

OMG..Lesley..those are toooo funny, I am still ROFL. Thanks for that, I needed a good laugh today.

Olivia

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&nbs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 8:45pm
LOL, that was too funny.
I like the part about the rummage sale and dont forget your husbands.... heehee

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Lilypie Baby Birthday

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 9:37pm

Those were so funny.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2004
Mon, 04-25-2005 - 10:38pm
LOL... I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard! My Dh printed those out and took them to work and I am sending it to people in my family! lol

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