I want to be a SAHM

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
I want to be a SAHM
10
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 7:28pm
Hi everyone. My name is Kristin. I have a 2 year old daughter and my DH and I are TTC another. I am currently a teacher. I took off about 6 months when my DD was born, but went back to work. I love teaching, but I feel like the demands are getting greater and greater. My class sizes increase, the number of students in my class go up, and the paperwork; which amounts to me not having a lot of time for my family. My husband is scared to not have my income coming in. So am I. But I am so unhappy. I leave for work at 7:15 or earlier in the morning and then I get home most nights around 6 PM. I arrive at work early and I leave work late. I work on my lesson plans and grading at home during the night and weekend. I TRY to do it all at school, but it never happens. I tried leaving as soon as I am aloud and doing it all at home and that is even worse. When I get home at 6 PM I cook dinner which we eat later than I would like. Then I clean up some from dinner. I sit down at like 7:30 and play with my DD give her a bath and then put her to bed. I spend.... 2 hours with her on a good day that is not spent in a car, or with me engaged in something else. I am burnt out. I am writing this now while my husband plays outside with her because I have a headache and needed to take something and chill. I get her in bed and then clean some more until about 8:30 at which point I start grading papers or doing lesson plans. Sometimes I grade papers while I watch TV. I crash into bed at 10:00 only to do it all again the next day. My husband thinks he does a lot. He thinks he does half the cleaning, but he doesn't! He has not cleaned a bathroom in MONTHS, he considers unloading the dishwasher, and running the vacuum now and then helping with the cleaning. So then I spend my weekend trying to get the house back in order. Now take 3 weeks in a row like I had recently. We went on Vacation for me to get home and need to go to my parents to help my dad over the weekend, then I was home but back at work, then this past weekend we went to visit his family. Our house looks like a disaster area! I am so tired all of the time and I feel stressed out. I am sick of trying to be a trooper and doing it for the family. What I WANT to do for my family is be at home with them, caring for them, keeping the house in order, and making them meals. Now I think the ideal would be SAHM, but I think WAHM would be fine too. I am thinking about doing in home daycare. I know from experience that there is not enough quality care available. I know I would be great at it. But again DH is scared. He thinks it will not work out and he is scared that if I leave my job I won't be able to get another. And I get that and all, but I hate making decisions in fear. Any thoughts or suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.
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Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Tue, 08-23-2011 - 9:36pm

With my DH, my first offense is always a budget.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 1:45am

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2001
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 8:00am

That is a tough one... I know how hard it would be to wait when you want to home so bad but would waiting until next summer be an option.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2000
Wed, 08-24-2011 - 11:47am
I would suggest you start living on your husband's paycheck only. That will give you a good idea of how it will feel to have only one income. Take your check and put it into a savings account (minus whatever expenses you have related to work). You'll be able to see pretty fast what will need to be changed in the budget in order for you to be able to stay home.

I can say, though, that my house is more of a disaster now than it was when I was working. It's because nobody was ever here to mess it up. Now, I feel like I just keep cleaning in circles. I think it will be better now that Ian just started back to school, but I still have Hurricane Lucy to contend with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 8:57pm
Thanks everyone. I know Daycare would not be easy and my house would not be perfect and my attention would be divided, BUT I would be home with my daughter and I would have more control. Right now I do things as a teacher that I have to, but not always what I think is right.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 3:10pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Wed, 09-07-2011 - 11:11pm

Oh boy- I totally could have just written your post. I just left teaching for all of the reasons you mentioned, Of course most important- to spend more time with my little boy. I was up at 5, out the door by 6:30, taught until 3:20, picked my son up from the sitter, coached gymnastics 4-7 and then drove an hour home. There was no time for anything.

I worked out a budget on what would be saved in gas and daycare verse what I made as a teacher. Luckily for me, I have coaching to fall back on. So I do that M-F 3-8, but get all morning with my son and no paperwork.I have no regrets leaving teaching. Someday I may go back, but for now I am enjoying all the extra time to do the little things.

I say work out a budget and check into possibly tutoring in the afternoons/evenings or getting a part time job so you feel (and DH) like you are contributing. In the end, if it's what you want and feel is best, it will all work out.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 1:55am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-15-2009
Sun, 03-18-2012 - 1:09am