If you really knew me...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
If you really knew me...
58
Tue, 12-05-2006 - 3:52pm

Did anyone catch Opera a few weeks ago where a high school's students and faculty met in the gym to get know each other?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:18pm

Very interesting observation, Lesley!! We women are too hard on ourselves.

I have to say that I think insecurities stem from just being a person. Men and women have them in equal proportions, IMHO, but we deal with them differently. We are more vocal about them, because it's socially acceptable for us to be insecure, whereas it's not for a man to be. That's just my opinion, and I could be wrong, and I'm sure many of you will disagree with me on that. But I know my brother is insecure about his career, providing for his family and his troubled marriage, even though he may not say it unless he's put on the spot, and then he never uses words like "insecure." He'll say stuff like "I have a lot on my mind" or "My job is killing me." And my husband has insecurities that he won't verbalize either. Once in a while, when he's feeling down, or when he and I are having an especially emotionally intimate conversation, he will admit them to ME, but I've never known him to admit them to anyone else. Yet we as women can post about them, tell our girlfriends, sisters, mothers, etc. and it's OK, because we're not trying to live up to the macho expectations of the culture. In a way, we have a freedom that men don't have. Michael would not be caught dead admitting to his doctor buddies that he's insecure in any way, and I am the only outlet he has to share his fears, because he's been raised to believe that in our culture he is less of a man if he's afraid of anything. That is just not true of us. We're lucky we're women! I think in some ways, it's harder to be a man in our culture, believe it or not. Just my observations from having sisters, a brother, sons and daughters in equal proportions, and being so close to my husband, which gives me insight into his emotional make-up.

That said, I do agree that our identities as women often change when we get married and/or have kids. I am not immune to that either. I have several roles that I fill, and all of them have to do with wife/mother: There's the Mommy Role, there's the Mommy of Twins Role; there's the PTO Mom Role and Soccer Mom role and Karate Mom Role and Playgroup Mom Role, the Mom-of-Sons, the Mom-of-Daughters, SAHM, etc. Then there's the wife roles: Supportive Spouse of Someone With a High Powered Career, Doctor's Wife, Catholic Wife, Stay-at-Home Wife, etc. We become wife and mother in a way that our husbands don't become husband/father, but remain just men. I don't know if that's left over from centuries of us being submissive and at home, where men had the careers in the world which gave them their identity as successful and separate from anyone else; or if it's just an inherently female trait, but it needs to change. ITA! We are all strong women with many, many great accomplishments separate from our husbands and kids; and our husband and kids do not define who we are inside. Only we can do that for ourselves.

I absolutely adore my husband, and my kids also; but I am also Sofia, not just wife and mother.

Just my humble and typically outspoken opinion. . . ;)




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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:22pm
Well said Sofia (as usual lol) you made some really good points that I totally "get".
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:26pm

ROSE!! YOU ARE **NOT** OLD!! OMG! And Kate, I don't need to know how old you are to tell you that you're a beautiful woman, and you probably will be at age 80.

Rose, they say the 40's are the new 30's.

I'm AMAZED by that poster on your other board. Tell her she's immature, LOL! ;)

Think about it: Aren't there some gorgeous older women? In their 50's and even 60's? I think there are. They are sexy in a certain way, because they have maturity, wisdom and grace, and they are certainly NOT old if they're in their 40's, or even 50's. The forties are not old!! I'm not there yet, but I'm not that far behind, either, and deep in my heart I know I'm not old, or anywhere close!

Why is it men can "age gracefully" and women can't?

Celebrate your age and your accomplishments! And when you're 70, you can begin thinking "old."

PS) When I turn 40 in a few years, will you send this post to me? LOL! . . . No, I'm really deadly serious. Michael told me just a few days ago that he thinks women in their 40's are hotter than women in their 30's and 20's because they finally know who they are. Yeah, OK, he says that at 38, but he's pretty hot himself!! LOL! ;)

Sofia




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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:28pm
LOL... yes... It shocked me and others on the board... I look at it as her loss.. ; )

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Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:32pm

If you really knew me you would know that I am fiercely loyal.

 

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Registered: 12-01-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:39pm
Actually at this point in my life I feel more attractive than I ever have...but I do worry about the future...uhh! I feel it is easy to be beautiful in your twenties but you have to work at it at my age. When I see a beautiful woman my age... I think wow she takes great care of herself...something I try to do. Shane (my son who is 20) Just told me the other day he wants me to post a picture on my MySpace of me holding his new baby when it arrives while wearing a bikini...with a caption that says ~~Hot Grandma~~ (NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!)That was the first time ever one of my boys has said in a round about way...mom you look great...LOL That meant more to me than any stranger saying it. I think mostly I worry that I too will become a sad shadow of myself...that people will not care who I am inside or out

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 2:42pm
Ana I love your tribute to your Grandmother! by the way...You are such a spectacular person!Bella is blessed to have you for her mother!

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Registered: 07-06-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:03pm
Sofia, thats a great comeback, and I'm going to use it next time!!!! Thanks. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:21pm
OK this a a hard one for me to admit..If you really knew me you would know that I am embarrassed to be such an old mom to such a young child..I sometimes wish I could pass Eli off as my Grandson. (not that I don't love being his mother) I just get tired of people looking at me like WTF and sometimes saying to me glad it's you and not me and then looking at me like you should have keep those legs crossed...LOL It is so hard to feel like I fit in now...either I hang with young moms who have small kids or I hang with older moms with teens ..I have no friends who can relate to MY situation...KWIM? I didn't plan on being a mommy at my age,and sometimes I am embarrassed that I am...: ( I also worry that Eli will be embarrassed of me when he is a teen and his friends say dang your parents are old!.....DYK:that it makes me feel like a complete healthat I feel this way!

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Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 12-06-2006 - 3:26pm
I think women are supposed to feel insecure, it is like a self-fullfiling prophecy though, in that... women project there best qualities on other people and then basically think they can't be that way unless they are with others, i think women are intricately enmeshed with other peoples lives, where as men are more solo. If you really knew me you would know that i feel really strong and confident in myself, at this point in my life, i don't know how i felt in the past, my life has been filled with my decisions the best ones i could make with the limited knowledge i had at the time. You wouldn't know that i am compassionate if you knew me, because i come off as detached and supper intellectual. I am really moved too much by other people and have to keep them at a distance, because i rarelly give up on people, regardless of what they have done. I come off as super logical but, really i am very aware of intuitive and non-linear, existence. I also, question my worth but, know deep down that my thinking is not always to my benefit, so i don't take it so seriously, in that i don't really have the right to judge my life or my decissions or any one elses, because, we are all functioning on limited knowledge any way. I guess in the thick of winter i always remind myself, that there is an invincible spring and summer, deep down.
Anyway, we all have our off days too, don't get me wrong. I can be a total poopy too!
arie