I'm debating being a SAHM.. Need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2003
I'm debating being a SAHM.. Need advice
5
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 4:32pm

Hi everone,

My name is Julia. I live in Anchorage, Alaska and I currently work part time for a major airline. I have debated for the last 2 years about being a SAHM. I would love some input from you that are SAHM's or SAHD's.

I personally find it scary to go down to one income. Granted, I only work part time ( that should make the transition a little easier) but I am scared on going down to one income. My DH is a fireman and makes decent money, but we have a lot of bills. I am scared I might feel a little guilty not contributing financially to our situation. I have a great husband and he supports what ever decision I make, but I am worried he will regret telling me that it is o.k to quit.

How did any of you get over that fear of losing one income? I am worried that as soon as I quit, my DH truck will break down, or we will have a major dental bill come up. I feel a little better knowing that for a cushion we have my DH extra 2 paychecks a year we could put in savings, or our tax refund also we could put away. It is just so scary to me to depend solely on my DH pay. Did any of you have this worry??

Thanks for reading my post, and I will check back soon for any advice posted here.

Thanks,
Julia
Mommy to Macey and Reece
Wife of Rick

Julia

Proud Mommy of Macey and Reece

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 7:57pm

Of course it is scary. Everyone thinks the "What if's".

However, IMO if it takes me an extra few years to pay off the credit cards from when we had money issues then it takes a few extra years to get debt free. That, to me, is a small price to pay to have me at home with my son.

There are times that I do feel guilty for spending all the money and bringing in none, but that really does pass. Whenever I decide that I should get a job, I realize that no amount of money is worth it. I am there for the field trips, volunteering at the school, and when my son is sick I don't HAVE to send him anyway because I have no sick days left. Of course, as a SAHM you don't get any sick days, but thems the breaks.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 10-22-2004 - 9:23pm
I really think it depends on you and your DH. I like being at home but I do feel some guilt over not bringing in much money (I teach one college class) especially since we're still paying graduate tuition and my student loans. I think I would feel less pressure if both DH & I felt it was really important to have me at home. He doesn't mind it but dislikes not having more money, feels I don't use my degree, etc.

Taleyna

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 12:43am
I haven't had a job since my first daughter was born, but I did get a teaching degree and have since had two more babies. Sometimes I feel guilty about not using the degree and not helping to financially support us, but I have come to realize that the job that I do is much more important and nobody can replace me (or my husband). Not only that, but it would cost us so much more than what I would make to pay somebody else to "raise" our children. We have always managed to make it through the tough times--yes we've had to rack up the charge cards, but everything gets paid and the kids never know things are rocky. All that is important to them is that Mommy and Daddy are here and they get fed and have a safe place. If you can make it work, you will never regret the decision- they grow up so fast!

Good luck, Kim

Avatar for anprdp
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2003
Sun, 10-24-2004 - 7:24am
I agree with these girls..It's a scary leap but the years you put into their young days can't be replaced later on in life when having Mom around is just "not cool." You can use your degree later. It will always be there. But down the road when you have come to that fork in the road, can you say gee let me go back and stay with the children so I can absorb all their little personalities that I only got glimpses of? Several times in the rocky era's have I been tempted by that extra dollar to go back to work..but in the end I just can't justify never seeing my kids for an extra income. Admittedly, its tough on one salary to get by..but somehow you just do. And staying at home can get down right rocky at times itself. Ask any mom here if there hasn't been days they didn't want to pack a bag and run away screaming, "Help me Help me my kids have taken my life hostage and I can't get out!" or "Help me Help me my 3 year old duct taped the baby to the ceiling!" All humor aside, I just feel as though I would be missing to much that money can't buy me back later to go back just yet. One day I will, but right now I want that ultimate pay of " I love you mommy," more than I want that extra paycheck. Good luck to you in your decision.

Angelia




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Mon, 10-25-2004 - 7:44pm
Hi Julia,

Welcome to the board, sorry to be responding only now, but it's been a busy week!

It is a scary thought, of going down to 1 income. My dh & I sat sat down and have a realistic talk about the pros and cons, before we made a decision. We looked at the costs of daycare, if I chose to return to work, and where I live it is VERY costly at a decent, licensed daycare. We took those figures and compared it to my full time wage, I would basically be working to pay for daycare...not worth it in my opinion. (I should add that we didn't have family members near by who could take dd in the day, so daycare was the only option)

We talked about the type of childhoods we had growing up, and whether our moms stayed home, and what benifits we felt we had from that, or them working. We made a plan to save a certain amount of money per paycheck, it was a small amount as so it wouldn't hurt, but over time it grew, that is our emergency fund. I also took 4 months of paychecks (before I left my job), and we made a point to not touch 1 cent from those paychecks, and "pretended" to have only 1 paycheck to see if we could really do it. We made adjustments to our lifestyle, minor things, and when dd was born, I had already left my job. It is a little different here, because we get 1 year mat leave, so I did have a bit of money coming in, and we saved half of each of those cheques as well. dd is now 18 months, so I haven't gotten mat pay for almost 9 months now. It's worked out just fine for us. I can't imagine how much I would have missed if i was working!!

It's a very personal decision for you and your dh. Good luck!!!

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