Is it worth staying at home?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Is it worth staying at home?
4
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 1:16pm
I was just wondering if any of you had older kids and if you have seen any differences in your kids because you stayed at home with them? I have a 5 month old and a 21.5 month old and I have days when I wonder if it is worth it? Somedays I miss my old job, but I can't bear the thought of sending my littlest one to be with someone else all day. Staying at home has definately been the hardest thing I have ever done (harder than getting a masters degree or fighting wildland fire). I guess I just need some reassurance that it will all be worth it in the end. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 05-19-2004 - 4:21pm
Just wanted to add my 2cents...

I have been a sahm for 7 yrs now with short periods where I went back to work as a preschool teacher. I will tell you I notice a BIG difference in my children. They are much more happy and content with me home. As a preschool teacher the children in my class were wonderful, but I could not help but feel sorry for them. They adored me as there teacher but they did not want to be with me. It is heartbreaking hearing a 3 yr old asking for mommy or daddy all day long. Now I noticed a big difference in the kids that a parent picked them up from working part time. They did just fine, they knew they were not staying all day.

For me being at home is more content for me, but I am a Teacher by nature and homeschooling my children and taking care of my nephews and neices does fufill my need to work. I am also a writer(can't tell by my spelling...lol) and write when kids go to bed.

Everyone is not the same and what is fufilling to one may not be to another.

I hope this helped a little, and you find what is best for you and your family!

Traci

mom to two boys

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 11:05am
First, I must say that I honestly think that the only way your kids are going to be happy and well adjusted is if YOU are happy and well adjusted. If that means going back to work (even part-time) is necessary, then so be it.

That being said, I have one DS who is 5 1/2. I have been home with him since he was born and haven't regretted it. I must admit that DS was EXTREMELY high maintenance when he was an infant and toddler. He had sensory issues and cried for hours about every little noise, smell, texture, etc. I have sensory issues of my own, so it was quite a lot to handle at times.

But on the days when my child was a challenge for me, I had to remind myself that I was certainly likely to be much more patient and responsive than the average child-care provider with four or five other charges to look after. I know that it wouldn't have been possible for someone else to have been as responsive as I feel was necessary. He was VERY trying at times.

Your kids are at ages where it must be extremely difficult for you. Having an almost-two-year old and a baby has got to be one of the most difficult jobs in the world. Having only one child, I can't even begin to imagine how you handle the needs of two little people at once and still make time for your self and your sanity.

Sometimes, you just have to remind yourself that you can't always be instantly responsive to your children. You can't always be in a good mood. You can't always be perfectly pleasant and never get impatient or harried. But unless you have a child care option where one adult would be caring only for your two children, it's unlikely that any daycare worker could do it as well.

It might be that you just need to start with a mom's morning out program once a week at a local church or community center. A lot of the community centers where we live have inexpensive babysitting on site for parents to utilize while taking a class. Maybe there's a student in the neighborhood that could be a mother's helper a few hours per week during the summer. Is there anything that could help you get some balance and a bit of time for yourself?

I have one friend who joined a mom's book group that met one evening per month. She said that it was so nice to have mental stimulation AND a sort of built-in support group of other parents who were going through the same woes (and lack of sleep) that she was.

Back to your original question, I think that staying home is only worthwhile if it isn't eating you alive. Know what I mean?? Hugs - Suzanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2003
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 12:14pm
Thank you both for your replies. I do enjoy being at home (well, at least the majority of the time) and I think it is best for now. I guess I was just wondering if it makes a difference. I know it must, but I guess I am just use to seeing immediate results with work whereas taking care of children you don't always get that. I know my mother stayed at home with us and I do think it made a difference. It is hard to put your finger on excatly what, but I do think it helped me become a more caring person. It just seems like in such a short time they are in school and then someone else is guiding them. I know if I stay at home I will never look back and regret not being there for them. I also enjoy introducing them to things I enjoy: music, nature, and reading. I've also noticed with my older dd that she does really good in public and is well adjusted. I think it is rewarding that she is learning a lot on how to act from me. I do plan on going back to work when my youngest is older, but I guess I should just enjoy them while they are little and depend on me. Does anyone have any stories where they think they made a postive difference in staying at home? Thanks again for your insights.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 1:09pm
I work a full time job, but my boyfriend stays at home with our 2 children. Our daughter is 3 1/2 years old, and our son is 3 months old. I think it is good in many ways. It saves money for child care and your children are with someone you trust. And as long as they get interaction with other children, it is okay for their social lives. You can make play dates, bring them to the park, or to a play center for that interaction. Also, if you need something to do, whether it be to keep yourself busy or to make some money, I also do an at-home business. It is called The MOM team, and we represent a company called Melaleuca: The Wellness Company. It is very beneficial for you and your whole family. The products are amazing, and the also provide some great services. If you are at all interested in this, visit my website www.shonnaj.info. You can also check out what Melaleuca offers at www.melaleuca.com. It is a great opportunity if you want to make extra money and if you are environmentally conscious. If both websites still leave you with any unanswered questions, my contact info is in my website (email address and phone #). I hope you are interested in profiting from this opportunity. Thank you for your time.

Very respectfully,

Shonna Jenkins

Marketing Executive

The MOM Team