Just Plain Tired & PG again
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Just Plain Tired & PG again
| Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:41am |
Hello all, I've been gone awhile due to dh's graduation from grad school out in Phoenix and his parents coming to visit for 10 days. We found out I'm pg again...about 7 weeks now. It wasn't planned, but we were going to begin to try at the end of this month anyway, so now we don't have to...ha. I'm worn out, of course, and with an almost 15 month old, it's very hard. My ds is pretty self-sufficient as far as playing around the house, but I just feel absolutely lethargic. He is also extremely clingly right now...I can't even leave the room without him getting terribly upset. It's very limiting on what I can do while he's awake. We have an upstairs which he can crawl up well, but we of course have gates at the top and bottom and when I need to just go up there for a second, I don't want to pick him up or let him crawl up there, so if he hears me going up, he has a coniption FIT if I don't take him. Sometimes, I can't even go into the bathroom without him crying his head off which makes me not be able to go sometimes..sorry, tmi. I know it's only a phase, but geez Louise, I feel like I have to be watched all the time or he's going to have a meltdown! We got a puppy a few months ago, and he's just the worst...I've never had a dog, only cats, and the dog is in puppy classes, but he doesn't listen to me, so I can't even have him in the house when my ds isn't home b/c he crawls on my ds and nibbles on us and chases the cats all over. Also, when my in-laws came, their dog attacked one of our cats and I ended up having to take him to the vet...luckily, my father in law paid for it b/c it was a costly visit. Been having to give that cat medicine and confining him to being alone a few days. They are gone now, so things might be getting back to normal for the cats. Oh, and their dog also broke down part of our fence. Last time they brought him he attacked another cat but didn't cause any real damage and also broke our fence gate and ruined 2 window screens. I said to my dh...maybe they shouldn't bring their dog anymore!? I mean..DUH!!! It's terribly stressful to have that dog around. Also, they went off and played golf 4 days in a row leaving me alone with terrible morning sickness that lasted all day and night with ds to tend to. They are retired, but I thought they came out here to see US, not the golf courses. I ended up going with them all on Sunday b/c I was sick of being left all alone and unable to visit with them at all. Of course, I had to just sit in the cart and hold my ds and try to keep him entertained the entire time they played. Oh, and one night I was so sick I couldn't join them at the dinner table, but I managed to fix dinner and get it all ready for them while they lounged around and then I just went upstairs to lie down b/c I was so sick. Oh, and my parents gave my dh $500 for graduation and his parents (who are VERY well off) gave him nothing. Ok, now I'm just griping to gripe, but it was a bad week I think and yesterday I was coming down off of that and just didn't feel like doing anything but sitting around and watching tv which I did all day. We didn't leave the house which we normally do. I have a babysitter 2 times a week for 2 hours a day, so that helps me have some alone time, but she's about to start back to school and I won't be able to find someone for $5 an hour b/c there won't be any students available during the day. I tried to get 2 different jobs up at the local college here (I have a Master's degree) b/c they have a daycare program on campus for employees, but it didn't happen. Now that I'm pg again, I am guessing it's sort of a futile effort to get one anyway. We are also trying desperately to get out of NM and back to TX closer to family...we have no one here but each other, and it's a SMALL community, well, small for me anyway. The things I can do around here are very limited and it's VERY hot here in the afternoons, so you have to do anything outside in the morning. I'm in 2 playgroups, but I don't really feel much connection to the women in them. One is only 5 of us, but one will be dropping out b/c her kids are now both going to be in school, so they won't be around for it, and she is the only one I have a real friendship with. I also just lost my 2 best friends back in TX...had a major falling out and I'm not even sure what it was over with one of them. My grandmother is also on her deathbed and I can't get back to TX b/c we are going there in a few weeks for labor day and I can't afford 2 trips although if she dies, I will be going anyway for her funeral. It's just been a crappy few months, I guess. I am grateful I could come here and vent. It does help. I don't enjoy being a SAHM, I know most of you do...but I wasn't cut out for it. I love my ds very much, but he so enjoys being around other little ones, I think a day program of some kind would actually be better for him than being with me all day. I don't enjoy playing baby games...sorry, I just don't. I am actually looking forward to having 2 around so that they can entertain one another. My ds LOVES the little girl next door, but I can't ask her mom to take my ds on all the time and to have her over here is fine except her little 4 year old terror brother wants to come, and the other day he threw a remote control through their big screen tv, breaking it. I really don't know anyone else with little kids, and believe me, I've tried my BUTT off to make friends here. Everyone here seems to have established friendships or they have family here. I have been trying to leave here since I got here, and dh got passed up for 3 different positions in TX in the last 4 months. We are soooo confused about that, too. We are Christians and believe God has us here for a reason, but we can't figure out why we still have to be here when we're so miserable here. I didn't want my 2nd baby to have to be born here, either...we hope all the time for a position to open back in TX and that my dh will get it so we can get out of here and back closer to family where we can travel by car whenever we want instead of plane. As it is, we have to drive 3 hours to even get on a plane from where we live. Ugh...it's just complain day for me, I guess. As the school year starts up, I find myself really sad that I can't go back to work ( I was a school counselor)...and if there had been a counseling position open back at my high school I would have tried for it even though I really wanted the college level next. I swore I'd never put my ds in mass daycare, and I still won't, but I think it's getting pretty ho hum around here doing the same things everyday. Anyone else live in a really small town where they don't know many people and can't think of enough to do with a baby who doesn't walk really really well yet? Just wondering. Thanks for listening to my life story (lately, anyway) ahead of time.

Congratulations on your pregnancy, and way to go to your Dh!
It sounds like you have a lot on your plate so I hope you can get everything to where you are comfortable.
I am sorry the jobs feel through for your dh and I wish him luck in finding something closer to home.
Traci
Congratulations on your pg.
Elise and Olivia will both be big sisters!!!
