lingering PPD????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
lingering PPD????
12
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 12:26pm
I've been up and down since the birth of my dd almost 10 months ago. I have days when I feel fine, then I'll go for a week or so where all I want to do is stay home in my pajamas with the blinds closed because I'm so depressed. I battled with depression several years ago, but I've been ok for the last few years. I've just felt this way since Hannah came along. I had some suicidal thoughts a few months ago, but those are all gone now. At least I'm past that! I really don't have anything to be depressed about; we're buying our first real house (we currently own a mobile home), and I'm really excited about that. I just don't have any motivation, and I just feel like crying all of the time. I fell apart last night, and called my doctor, but he had already left the office. He had another doctor (his wife) on call, and she called me back. She said she thought it was too late to be PPD, but that it was real depression and that I should go to the emergency room so they can start me on meds. All of the research I've done says that PPD can last for a year to 18 months, and I really don't trust her judgement based on past experience anyway. The depression I had years ago was based on circumstances during that time, and things in my life are going great right now.

Has anyone had PPD this long before???

Do I really need meds, or will I be over it soon???

TIA

Desiree

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 12:55pm
Are you still nursing? If so, the hormones are still full blast in your system.

I wouldn't worry whether it was PPD or just regular depression, the main thing is that you get treated right away.

Maybe some medication for a short time or someone to talk to can help you. Whether or not YOU think you need anything, you need to think of your child. Since you are the primary care giver, you need to be in the best shape you can be!

Trust me, many of us have been through it (or are going through it now) and it does get better! Go see a doctor you trust then get some help.

We are here for you!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 2:12pm
I agree that severe mood swings can happen for the entire duration of breastfeeding. It's how severe they are is what matters, and as long as you have the crazy hormones from breastfeeding, I think it should be considered PPD. Not that it matters, if you are having depression problems no matter what, than they are important. After my last one was born, she was 5 months old, and I seriously was worried for my DH's well being around me (I really lost it a couple times, and I have NEVER been violent in my LIFE!). I went into the doctor to see what he said about it, and he said "oh, it's just hormones". I really hated that he blew it off as hormones! So what, because it was hormones, it meant that it wasn't IMPORTANT?? His solution was to wean her. So, I just suffered through it, and DH avoided me A LOT until I balanced out a little. Our marriage probably would have been a lot better during that time if my doc had taken me a little more seriously. I'm sure that I wasn't BAD depressed, but it really made me feel bad that I was acting that way, it made me feel like a really bad person. If someone would have taken time to understand what I was going through, maybe I would have felt a little better as a person. It did go away, but to this day I feel TERRIBLY guilty for the way I treated my DH, and I love him even more for putting up with me (even though he had NO understanding of it).

I have just recently weaned my youngest (2 yrs), and I have been either breastfeeding or pregnant with three children for the past 8 years. This has been the first time in my (adult) life, I feel like things aren't completely overwhelming me. Housework even seems a lot more managable, still hard, but managable. For the first time in my marriage I feel like I might actually be capable of being a decent housewife! LOL Part of it might be that my hormones are settling down for the first time in 8 yrs, part of it might be just not having a baby around anymore to be "tied to" (I don't normally think of my relationship to my babies being that way, but when it came to accomplishing housework, I sure felt like I was "tied"!), it might even be that my kids are old enough I can count on having help around the house. Maybe a little of everything. I think more or less, I'm past that "stage of life", and things are looking a lot different now. I think that is normal.

But I don't think that the depression you are experiancing is normal. It might be that you need to have someone understand your situation better. Overwhelming expectations of a stay at home mom is really hard to live up to, and many people just don't understand what that's like. Even my own mother is a "retired" SAHM (her own title LOL), has forgotten what it was REALLY like having young kids. She used to lecture me all the time about the importance of a clean (spotless) environment for children. What the heck?! Our house growing up was FAR from orderly (and we turned out just fine!)! Yes, she's an immaculate housewife now (all nine kids are gone), but boy has she forgotten! LOL So even my own mother, who I have molded my life after, doesn't understand my situation like I thought she should.

So maybe an understanding peer might do you a world of good. I know that's why I love this board! I don't have many peers that are in the same situation as I am. My own best friend is also a SAHM of two children. Somehow, her house is always clean, but the fact is, her mothering priorities are completely different than mine, and I think that can snowball effect the rest of the cercumstances. I.E. I CANNOT listen to my baby cry, no matter how badly I need to get stuff done around the house. She, on the other hand, will be as busy as a bee cleaning her house, and let her baby scream, following her around the house until it is PERFECT. So I feel like my own best friend doesn't understand (even when she says she does).

I'm sorry I am rambling back and forth! LOL It's probably not even useful info! LOL I think an understanding friend works wonders, but I have never had to deal with such severe situations! Finding an understanding ear definantly won't hurt though!

Angie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sat, 02-07-2004 - 4:19pm
thank you so much (to both of you) for responding

I am still BF, so I believe that a lot of it is hormonal imbalances.

Severe lack of sleep has a lot to do with it too. Hannah was doing so much better, then we went out of town and it messed up her sleep schedule. I've completely stopped nursing her during the night though, and instead just rock her back to sleep. BUT, she still wakes 2-4 times a night, and usually wakes my oldest who then decides she needs to go the bathroom and get a drink of water. Next thing you know, I've been up over an hour in the middle of the night. I've only been getting 4-5 hours total sleep every night the last month or so. I wish I could just let her "cry it out" but DH has to sleep so he can work the next day. He usually watches the kids a couple of times a week so I can sleep.

I want to nurse her until she's at least a year old (2 more months), so is it worth it to see about meds? I've stuck it out this long already, although my mom and DH say I've been a moody grouch. My emotions feel so out of control sometimes, and I'm paranoid that people are going to think I'm a bad mom. I guess I'll talk to my doctor monday and see what he thinks.

Desiree

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 4:51am
Hello,hope you're feeling better as your reading this. Like you and many others,I had my 2nd son 2 years ago and am still suffering from depresion. I've never really been through lingering depression in my life, and really the condition will rob anyone of their real personality.Part of it is that my son was born very sick and needed 2 major heart surgeries,and along came with it a huge adjustment with my family and career. Although now, i can see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm gonna start working in a few weeks and i am hoping that time away from the stress of being constantly at home and with my kids will lighten my mood. I definitely don't mean i resent being with my family,but a little down time from being a super sahm mom will be beneficial. I have been on Paxil for a few mos. and it does help,so it's best to get prof. help to ease your condition. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 10:22pm
Yes, it is worth it to see your doctor.

There are medications that you can take while you are nursing. And since your child is 10m old, she probably isn't nursing all that much anyway. Besides, just talking to your doctor may help you. Perhaps she can give you suggestions.

There is no reason for you to suffer like this. A happy mommy = a happy family!

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: drb74
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 10:54am
ok... it took a few days to get up the nerve, but I called my doctor and made an appointment for friday afternoon. I've just been really nervous about talking to him about this, because I don't want him to think I'm a hormonal basketcase like my mom was.

DH actually let my have some time to myself last night. I guess it took him walking in the door to me crying to finally realize how big a problem this is. I went to take a hot bubble bath, and the whole time I was in there, instead of enjoying it, all I could see was how dirty my bathroom is. I guess I need to make myself get dressed and go clean it, so I'll at least enjoy having some time to myself.

Anyway, thanks for all the input and advice. I'll let you know what he says...

Desiree

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2004
In reply to: drb74
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 12:13pm
I think it could still be PPD. I had/still have PPD and my son is 20 months old. I am currently trying to get off the meds to see how I feel. If you are not happy with what the doctor said, go to another. I am not usually a fan of medication like the one I am on, but I have to tell you from experience, they really do help..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2004
In reply to: drb74
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 12:17am
It is possible that you have ppd. I think you should get a full evaluation from a licenced mental health provider, before starting meds. Do your homework though. It is alot easier to decide what path to go if you know about different meds and their side effects. Also, get counseling, even if you don't go on meds. I wouldn't go to the er though, unless you have feelings of hurting yourself or anyone else, especially the baby. ER doctors usually do a great job, but I think you would be better with a psychologist or psychiatrist. All that matters is you figure out what is causing these mood swings. Could you be bi polar? Just a thought. Please come back and let us know how it is going for you. We are here whenever you need us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 9:25am
ok, I finally went to see the doc yesterday. He made me take a depression quiz, and I scored in the moderate-severe range (75 points if anyone knows what that means). He is sending me for counseling, and he told me that if I wasn't BF Hannah that he would have had me on meds before I walked out the door. He really doesn't feel comfortable giving me medication as long as I'm still nursing her. He said that he won't ask me to stop BF, because he knows that it would depress me more; however he did recommend that I start pumping and freezing it if I want her to have breastmilk because he's expecting the counselor to recommend I get on meds asap.

I asked him if it could still be PPD and not necessarily that I'm bi-polar, and he said that it could be. He wants me to take meds for 6-12 months, then get off for 2-3 months for evaluation. If I'm still depressed, then they'll know it's something chemical and I'll be on meds for 2 years. Just thinking about having to take medication and go for counseling is depressing enough. It's embarrasing to even feel this way. I watched my mother go through this for years, and I thought she was a lunatic at times. I never wanted to feel this way. My husband and kids deserve a happy wife and mommy. I'm just having a hard time feeling happy right now, and it's really stupid because I have a lot to be happy about... ugh! I'm going to force myself to get involved in some activities (church, friends), and I have some really good books that I need to re-read that hopefully will help. Having battled depression before, I know what I need to do, it's just a matter of doing it.

Anyway, thanks for all the support. I really appreciate it.

Desiree

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
In reply to: drb74
Sun, 02-15-2004 - 4:00pm
I KNOW there are drugs you can take that are safe. There is a book called "Medication and Mother's Milk" (or something like that) which lists all medications and there safety. I know they also have a website. Go to the nursing boards and ask for the relevant info.

Your family needs a sane mommy. If that means you have to take something that is proven safe then so be it. I know of what I speak.

Ejkdmom Come visit my store: www.leorra.com

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