Might have the wrong board to post

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2004
Might have the wrong board to post
11
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 1:14pm
this question.

Hi, I'm a long time lurker on this board. Just reading all your posts keeps me busy without posting anything myself. Lots of different situations, information and interesting stories.

I'll try to keep this down to a minimum. I tend to ramble.

I am now a SAHM, and I LOVE it. I have been staying home now since last October when my littlest one was born. I have a 22 month old too, so they are close in age. I am an older mom. Conception was just a dream for many years, and these 2 gifts were every bit of a blessing as much as a surprise!

I have always been a career woman, had my own bank account, and handled all my finances. DH and I got married shortly after my oldest was born. It's been about 8 months now that I've been at home, and my feelings of devastation still haunt me. It's been so hard for me to give up my independence. I find it extremely difficult NOT having my "own" money.

Not having my own money isn't the only thing that bothers me though...........

What also bothers me, is that I have to ASK for money or use my credit cards if I want to go shopping for anything. I can't even buy a loaf of bread if we need it without using MY credit card. I use the cards I had before we got married which he pays. It's always the minimum amount on it he pays, so I have to call the company to make sure I dont go over. Is this insane? DH and I have no bank account together, no credit cards together, I am not on ANY of his accounts whatsoever. I feel as though I'm getting punished for a previous marriage of financial convenience for his ex. It's not that I want to splurge, I don't buy irrationally at all. I have taken my daughter out to lunch 3 times since she was BORN. Of-course I had to find a place that took credit cards to do it, and I purchase mainly food for the family. If I'm out of shampoo or something like that. Little things. I just don't feel as though we are one. I feel like I am property of DH he has to take care of. Does this make ANY sense? This has been a stewing subject for me for a long time.

I just wanted to know if I'm being petty here? Expecting too much.. afterall he puts a roof over our heads and pays all the bills.

If anyone would like to share, I would like to know how you run your finances as far as spending, joint accounts, am I over reacting? Any moms who used to work, now home having trouble with not having an income?

I just feel like who I am has been taken away from me. I'm not a person anymore, it's hard to explain.

I wanted to get a job when he was home so kids didnt have to go to daycare, he said no. I wanted to babysit, he said it would be too hard on me with our children and having other children here long hours. I wanted to do a paper route in the early mornings, he said no it wouldnt be a good idea because thats my main sleeping time. It's been 8 months and its an ongoing issue with me. I haven't said anything to him. I feel with his past of having and ex who was terrible, that he would feel I was the same. We are in 40-50 thou in debt from it, CS and he pays all health insurance. The CS has dropped recently, SD has come to live with us. (which is a whole other posting!) He makes good money so it isnt that we dont have the finances available, I just think he's a little controling BECAUSE of all the loss of control with his other marriage. Am I on the right page here with this?

Does anyone else feel this way? thanks for reading........... take care.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 7:13pm
I was just passing through and thought I'd put my word in. I did a paper route after my 3rd child and I absolutely loved it. I did an early morning route, so I was up around 4-4:30 and home by 5:30-6, a little later on Sundays. The time I spent in the mornings by myself was so peaceful and rejuvinating. I could clear my mind and as a major bonus I got into the best shape. It also gave me a ton of energy throughout the day, which made me a happier person. I highly encourage you to try a route and the extra money isn't a lot but it feels great to make your own.

Mel

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