Mom vs. Housewife
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| Fri, 08-11-2006 - 10:43am |
Article by Jenifer Miller
I hereby am renouncing the title of stay-at-home-mom. But what do you mean? You ask. That is what you are, afterall. Well yes...and no. Over the years I have heard many titles given to women who stay home to care for their children, their husbands and their homes. I have heard some really creative ones like Domestic Diva and Domestic Engineer. Mostly because moms of today have all but snuffed out the term “housewife”, as if it were a derogatory term. From this moment forward I am reclaiming that term for my own. I was, once upon a time, a young woman. I got married, and became a wife. My husband and I moved into a house, where we are raising our four children. So first, before children, I was a wife. My primary responisbility was to my house, and to my husband, hence the term housewife.
The common definition of housewife is: ‘A woman who manages her own household as her main occupation.’ The first definition for mother is: a woman who conceives, gives birth to, or raises and nurtures a child.’ As you all are well aware, being a mom is one of the most rewarding and the most challenging jobs we will have, but as defined by the dictionary, I prefer the term housewife. It is a broader term, more all encompassing.
I also do not define myself primarily as being a mother. Being a mother comes second to my marriage, which I hold as a separate entity entirely from my position as a mom. So, the order of my responsibilites, as I see them, goes like this: 1) I am a wife. I take care of my husband. My marriage is my number one priority. For it is from my relationship with my husband that I receive the strength to be the mother I am. I put energy into my marriage, as if it were a bank that I make deposits into. Traditional? You betcha. Because it works for me. It works for us. Am I submissive, subservient, uneducated, or brainwashed? Uh, no. This is my choice, and I am proud to be living it. 2) I manage my household. (Need I say more?) 3) Within this household live four wonderful children, to whom I am very much devoted. So, yes, I am a mother. One who happily stays home. But my world does not revolve around the children. They were born into this family, and they are learning how to operate within our household, just as they learn at school, and eventually will learn at a job. Their presence adds strength to our family foundation, but they are not the pillars that hold up our family roof. My husband and I are.
I have a home business. So in this respect, I could define myself as a work-at-home-mom. But then aren’t all moms working their tails off at home? Even the ones that don’t get paid from a “real” job? Being a housewife once was considered a respected and vital occupation. Women took pride in their homes and their household management skills, regardless of whether or not they had children to tend to. Managing a household requires well honed organizational skills. From cooking a meal and having everything come out done at the same time; to sorting the darks from the lights, the sheets from the clothes, the finer fabrics from the denim. It also requires a knack for scheduling. Balancing activites and commitments (which, by the way, grow exponentially with each child) requires a great deal of juggling skills, memory skills and just plain common sense.
A housewife knows who to call if the refrigerator stops working, or the washing machine leaks. She makes the doctor appointments, the vet appointments, (and any other appointments). She cares for the pets. She plans the social activites for the family.
A housewife manages money. She will know where to get the best deal on anything she has to purchase; from steak to clothing to garden hose, because a housewife does her research to keep within her budget. She also knows the shoe sizes and clothing sizes for everyone in the house, and can purchase things accordingly. A housewife is in charge of preparing and cooking well balanced, nutritious meals. She does the grocery shopping. She knows how to keep her house tidy. A well organized housewife (on a good day) has a place for everything, and has everything in its place. It is part of her duty then, (as a mother), to pass on these organizational skills to her children.
As mothers, we understand that we are (all at once) teachers, disciplinarians, nurses, chauffeurs, social planners, etc., for our children. (This list can go on and on). But defining ourselves only as mothers excludes our very important roles as wives and household managers. So, I no longer consider myself a “stay-at-home-mom”. Thankyouverymuch. I love being a mom. But I am, (by definiton) a housewife. I shall wear my badge proudly, and I welcome you to step up and claim yours, too.

I have to be honest and say that after reading this I wanted to stick my finger down my throat and gag!
*My primary responsibility was to my house, and to my husband, hence the term housewife.*
MY husband is completely responsible for himself. WE chose for me to sahm so I feel no obligation to baby him. My husband's mother brought him into this world and he does not need another. My children however were brought into this world through my body. So my priorities are a little different than yours. I am responsible for these little beings. My husband is an adult and can take care of himself.
*I also do not define myself primarily as being a mother. Being a mother comes second to my marriage, which I hold as a separate entity entirely from my position as a mom. *
I define myself primarily as a child of God, then a mother and wife comes last. If something ever happened to my marriage I would be devastated. If something ever happened to my children I would want to slit my own throat.
*1) I am a wife. I take care of my husband. My marriage is my number one priority. For it is from my relationship with my husband that I receive the strength to be the mother I am. *
I am so glad that I am my own person and do not need my husband to feel like I am a strong mother. Thank God for self reliance!
I know you mean well but seriously I know longer want breakfast. I will happily keep my SAHM title since I do not need a title to define me anyway.
Okay now tell us what book you wrote that you want us to buy :)
Traci
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Playing mother to a husband and being a caring, devoted wife are two separate things, not to be confused. Yes, I am a strong mother, to my children. But I also have a duty to my husband, as he has to me. Marriage is full of compromises, give and take. My husband and I depend on each other to fulfill our duties to each other as husband and wife. For me, taking care of my husband is a pleasure that reaps many rewards. Having a happy and stable marriage is a blessing to be able to provide for the kids, and also provides a good model for them in the future.
Jennifer. I clicked on your profile because I was pretty sure you had written the article. Maybe I am wrong but this is just spam in another form. Sneaky though! LoL
Your original post/article very much resembles the infamous article "I love my husband more than my children" with a dash of household before children thrown in as well. Your last post seem to backpedal adding in that it was all about compromises ect.... I am sorry but never would I put my husband or the running of the household before my children. Or course my dh is going to get fed, because I am feeding everyone. But the needs of a crying baby come before a sink full or dishes or worse a whinny husband :) My marriage is very important to me and I make sure to nurture that. BUT nurturing and helping to shape the little souls given into my care in infinitely more important to me.
Of course I am not a mind reader but you seem to have ulterior motives with your posts...just my opinion though.
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Housewife, home maker, sahm, domestic goddess, WHATEVER. As women we are way too complex to try to choose one word to describe us. This is called the sahm board simply to direct the topics of conversation. It only groups us by something we have in comon but in no way defines us. If you don't care to be called a sahm, perhaps you could try out the housewives board. I can tell by your monologue you're just dying to connect...
Erin
Oh, and another thing! Why is it this labeling crap only seems to apply to women? You don't see any different way to define men. A man is just a man, but a woman has to have a qualifier? Total BS.
I can't say I agree with you either.
ok let me say that I went to your website and I read some things that you have there...
First off, I am a Christian, and believe that God comes first, not my husband, and definitely not my house... this is what the Bible says about marriage (nowhere is house/home mentioned):
Ephesians 5:22, 28-31. "Wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wife as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it . . . So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church . . . For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh".
It does not say that I'm supposed to baby my husband by waiting on him hand and foot. I am a very old fashioned person who believes in honoring my husband in everything I say & do, but that doesn't mean I am bound to my house. I didn't marry this house, I married him.
Yes I take great pride in my reponsibilities as a wife/mother, and yes I manage this household, but mainly b/c I was the one blessed with the financial wisdom and how to budget... otherwise I would GLADLY give that responsibility over to him.
Titles are a waste in my opinion... when anyone asks what I do, I simply respond "I stay home with my kids". When people ask my husband "what does your wife do?", he tells them the same... no titles...
I mean really... who cares?
JMO