Mouthy DD - advice PLEASE!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2004
Mouthy DD - advice PLEASE!!
7
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:58pm
My DD is 5 and a half yrs. old and she is very mouthy and bossy. She starts out EVERY day with an attitude. She doesn't want to help or do anything that she is told and I feel like she is walking all over me at times. My DH says that I am to easy on her, but she acts the same way with him. I have tried time-outs, taking important things away from her, making her sit and write things over and over again like -I am not the boss..ect. and nothing has worked. I don't like to spank unless it is something that will or could hurt them. (for example - if one of them ran out in the street or something serious like that) I know several parents that spank their kids and it doesn't seem to make them any better than my kids. If she is with another parent they say that she doesn't act that way and in fact she is very good. Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Beth - SAHM to Lauren and Noah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:21pm
Beth - are you talking about my little Jessica in your post? No, well, it could be in just 2 short years - LOL!

Our little Jessica is a *spirited* 3.5yo, she has an attitude, wants things her own way and bullies every chance she gets.

I got the below idea out of Parent Magazine and it's worked WONDERS!!!!

On the fridge is a "Jessica is a Good Listener" chart. Everytime she does something she's supposed to, she gets a happy face (for making Mommy/Daddy happy). When she gets 5 happy faces, then she gets a treat (a piece of candy out of a bowl). She LOVES this. When she's sassy I say "if you're sassy, you'll get a happy face taken away". She is VERY helpful and now a good listener without the lectures, begging, time outs, etc. The only caveat is that you really have to enforce it a lot in the beginning, otherwise it can fall apart and you'll end up at the same place.

I like this method, because it praises her for doing well, and not a constant reminder of how bad she's doing.

HTH

Jennifer, Jessica 2/23/01, Alexandra 7/8/03

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 4:28pm
Ok, heres just a couple of things that might help. The biggest one to me, when it comes to teaching our children anything, is consistency. This has helped my husband and I the most. We both had children when we got married, 5 total and while our parenting styles were similar the one thing we quickly realized was going to help us the most was being consistent. And we are sure to back each other up. So, even if it appears something like the time-out or whatever punishment you may choose doesn't work, don't stop making her be responsible for her actions. You just may have to keep at it consistently or try something different. If you ground her or take something away, you have to stick with it, etc.

Trust me, my kids are no angels, but they rarely ever mouth off, almost never. (except for the one thats almost a teenager!). And all I do is always make it very clear to them that I demand respect, etc. I will not tolerate less. Sounds like a simple concept, but it seems to work. And if they do get out of line, mouth off, etc. I call them on it instantly and let them know that its unacceptable, etc. I mainly only have that problem with the oldest and he is stubborn but I'm more stubborn!! So I never let him "win" in a battle of wills. It makes the battling less appealing to him, lol. The kids can all speak up in their defense, but they can't get "lippy". It takes a lot of work to get some kids to behave/use their manners, etc.

Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 5:27pm
I agree with the choice of not to spank. And the other ladies did give very good advice but if those don't work do what my mother did with me. Tooth brush and soap. Anytime I got mouthy or rude my mother would explain that this was dirty and I needed to clean my mouth. It worked wonders. Sounds harsh but it gets the point across.

Shelby

SAHM to Haylei

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2000
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 9:23pm
Have you seen this book? It's called The Challenging Child by Stanley Greenspan.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0201441934/qid=1088039819/sr=8-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-1698034-8549758?v=glance&s=books&n=507846


I have also heard good things about Raising Your Spirited Child.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060923288/qid=1088040132/sr=ka-1/ref=pd_ka_1/102-1698034-8549758


I think there are book excerpts of these at the links. Maybe one of them will seem like something that might help. Best wishes - Suzanne

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 9:54pm
Wanted to add a word of caution...I know it is rare but I have heard of cases of people doing this, and their children being allergic to soap. I actually saw a case where a child died of this. Just wanted to give everyone the heads up.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 11:56pm
Oh my word! I didn't have any idea that something like that could happen!

Shelby

SAHM to Haylei

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 12:13am

Shelby,


Don't be embarassed, I hope I did not make you feel bad! I happened to catch a 20/20 type program one time...I think the title was something like...Everyday things parents do, that could make their children sick...or something similiar.


I think I got my mouth washed out a few times to!

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