Much needed advice-

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Much needed advice-
4
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 4:48pm

HI, everyone....Here is my dilemma. I am currently a working mom, with a 2 1/2 year old son and a working husband. I am due this December with ds #2. My husband and I have agreed that it would be in the best interest of our children if I stay home after our son is born. Which I love the idea but Im having a few hesitations/concerns.

Currently I work in Human Resources which I must say is a cake job...The plus side is that I'm not stressed, I enjoy what I do and have a lot of free time to go on the internet, pay bills, etc....The down side is that I work 8:00- 5:00 Monday through Friday,when I get home it's time to cook dinner, play with ds, give him a bath, next thing you know it's 9:00 pm and ready to put him to bed (as well as my self because I am exhausted!). Also, he only goes to daycare 2 days a week, my husband or mother in law watch him the other 3 days. But with baby #2 coming we would have to put him in daycare as well and it would have to be a set schedule...which is impossible with my husbands schedule so we would have to put the baby in daycare for 3 or 4 days a week (not to forget my husband made it clear that he didnt think he could handle 2 kids all day and then go to work...he works 2nd shift) Also, with 2 kids in daycare, one going 2 days and the other 3 or 4 it would cost us around $1000.00 per month!

So now my concern/hesitation is can we afford it??? I'm not so sure. We currently live paycheck to paycheck and combined bring in about $4000 per month. The extra income we would have from my salary minus 2 kids in daycare would give us about $800 per month....and I'm afraid we can't survive with out that extra $800 per month. I thought about all the possibilities...I could work at a restaurant or a banquet hall on Saturdays and Sundays (and have the kids go to Grandma's) or watch 2 kids from my home during the day, or I could substitute teach during the days my husband is available or my mother in law is available (I'm a certified teacher who can't find a job locally but thats a whole another story....) So I'm willing to work to be able to afford to stay home..I'm just afraid its not going to be enough!!!

Here are our monthly expenses and I know your going to say cut this or that...but believe me I allready have!
Car Payment- 519.99 ( I know..ouch...we rolled over too much debt!)
Car insurance- $259.22 per month (for 3 vehicles)
Student Loans- $350.00 (I heard you could call them and say your going through a financial crisis and they could defer it...not sure though)
Rent/Mortgage- $400.00 we don't own or rent - we live in my grandmothers house this "rent" pays the taxes...but we will soon have to buy it from her.
Gas- $70.00
Electric $111.00 (we're on the budget plan)
Water- $50.00 every 3 months
Phone- $110.00 ( 2 cell phones on a family plan and 1 home phone...would be willing to give up my cell)
Cable- $85.00 ( i know this can go down and im looking into to options- I'm just not that thrilled signing contracts with a dish company
Husband's 4 wheeler payment- $130.00 ( i hate this bill the most but he will not get rid of it...he says its his one and only luxery)
Alarm System- $35.00 (I would like to get rid of we live in the suburbs not a bad area but my grandma's house was robbed a few years ago...so she had it and I kinda feel like its necessary)

Thats my husbands entire monthly take home right there!!!! and i haven't even included groceries, gas for vehicles, co-pays, or spending money!!! And I haven't included credit card payments....I'm sooooo embarrassed but we have about $15,000 in cc debt ( this is from our wedding, college years,last year xmas, and other minor expenses.....) I did call our credit card company and switched our payments to a 0% finance charge.

So with all that said...is there hope? My extra $800 a month would sure help out a lot and Im just scared that we will end up more in debt. Am I making the right decision...I want to stay home with my kids and spend time with them as a toddler and raise them, not have someone else raise them...

Any advice...I could really use some! This has been on my mind for the past month or so..
thanks a bunch,
Stephanie

** Sorry for any spelling or grammar errors..im trying to type fast.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 5:03pm

I really have no right to tell you what you need to cut out of your budget.




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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 5:36pm

It is a really big leap to decide to stay home and make it work. None of us here are lucky enough to get to stay home. We didn't marry sugar daddies;-) we budget and scrimp by and make it work.

Have you called debt consolidaters to see what can be done about your credit card and loan debt? It'd be worth a shot. You say there is insurance on three vehicles, why not sell the one worth the most and then use that to pay off some of the debt? Keep your cell phones and ditch the home phone, where you can ditch the security system, because you'll be home which is the highest deterant of burgelars. Become your mother and annoyingly say "put on a sweater" when complaints of it being cold come from cutting the gas/electric bill. (lol, I'm so having that moment with my own DD). Switch to the florescent bulbs, and get rid of all over 50wts. It's amazing how a few 100wt bulbs make the electric meter spin like crazy!!

You could get part time work while your husband was off or family could watch the kids here and there, that is always a possibility. What's not a possibility is getting back the childhood of your children that you miss while at work and a paid stranger raises them through that childhood. You can do it!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 10:21pm

When deciding whether or not we could afford for me to stay home, we consulted a financial advisor to see if there was any way we could make our money work better for us through short-term investments and reorganization. She was able to make several recommendations.

I would recommend seeking the advice of a professional advisor when making this big of a decision. It will give you the most accurate picture on whether you can stay at home and remain in the black.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2006
Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:05pm
I've been a SAHM for 3+years and are expecting in Jan. My husband and I had always talked about me working, but we narrowed down our decision. Some of our concerns we worked through were: Financial- whether I worked or stayed at home there were going to be luxuries that had to wait until we got into a steady routine. Future- if you stay at home and then down the road go to find employment, it will be extremely difficult if you've taken a few years off. I have a college degree, but it doesn't do much good when there's a gap in employment history. Your current job- to me your hours are perfect for any type of mom and the weekends allow you flexibility. Does it pay well? Would your pay cover the cost of daycare for one child plus gas in your car? Could you get temporary assistance if you stayed at home? How does your husband feel or have to say and will your decision affect your marriage? How much time off work can you have for a temporary leave? Would your employer have a position to work from home for 1-2years? Could you work from home doing daycare for family and friends (cash paying)?
No need to respond to any of this, just throwing out suggestions etc.