Must be in the air

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Must be in the air
3
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 10:20am
Well, I almost have the same problem that amber mommynchauffer has, but it is family that is hitting my kids. I started to type this yesterday but my hubby came home sooner than I thought he would.

My dh has a almost 14 year old nephew, who is about 5 feet tall, and weighs almost 200 pounds. he is a wholly terror. He acts worse than my three year old who is throwing tantrums all the time now. It rained here Saturday, so I took my kids out to my FIL's house. My BIL and 2 SILs still live with dad. My BIL is a parapalegic(Sp?) and his sister takes care of him, and it is his son that is the terror.

DH and I was outside and apparently the boy, whose name is Tyler threw a fit over the play station, threw a paddle and almost hit my youngest son. I didn't know that until my oldest son told me after we got home. Anyway, I told my kids to put their bikes away. I know my kids are not oerfect and don't always listen, but they are not that bad. My Dh and I were in his dad's garage and I heard my daughter and Tyler arguing. I told my dh to come and listen with me. Well i am so glad that I did. I peeked threw the door where it is hinged and happen to see my daughter who is five hit Tyler because he tried to pick her up off of her bike, after fighting with her. After she hit him, he pulled his fist up like he was going to punch her!!!!!!!! I instantly got pissed and went off. now my daughter is 6 yrs. old and is about 45 pounds. Imgaine the comparison between the two..OMG was I very upset. My dh did nothing, which made it worse.

Tyler is always beating up on my kids ever since I can remember and no one ever does anything to Tyler, they make up excuses for him. The blame his mother mostly, but how can they do that when they let me do what ever he wants and gives him what ever he wants. She doesn't let him get away, she actually disciplines him.

My dh went to talk to his dad about it. And he blamed it on Tyler's mom too. My dh told them that Tyler is out of control and that my kids are not coming to the house when he is there. I know his dad lives there and he needs to visit him, I understand that. he should see his dad whenever possible. My FIL told my Dh the kids could still come out but would have to keep an eye on them. I should have to worry about my kids while they are at their Pappaws house. I also don't think I should keep them away from their aunts, uncle and Pappaw either. He is the only granparent they have now. Did I do the right thing, how could this problem be fixed?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2004
In reply to: fafaa
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:17am

First I wanted to say that I would have went off to!


A lot of times parents of divorce, especially the non costodial parent will feel guilty for not being with their child and allow them to get away with everything.


In my opinion though he is your and your Dh's nephew. I feel it is perfectly appropriate for you both to discipline him! Put your nephew in a quiet room when he does this. Your dh could really help him if he wanted to! I know as a child I would have been thrilled if one of my uncles took part in my life. I did not have an easy childhood and everyone around me knew it. Instead of loving me and supporting me and maybe paying me a little attention they just would gossip about me and my sisters and talk about how much better their children were compared to me and my sisters. Take an active part in his life when you see him. Maybe your Dh could spend a half hour doing guy stuff that his dad is not physically able to do. There are so many boys in jail that could have been saved if someone had just taken a little time to help them. Do you think his being mean to your kids is his way of maybe getting some attention? I know it does not sound rationale but some kids would rather have bad attention, than no attention at all! As silly as it sounds he may also resent your children for having parents who are together, and a dad who is not disabled.


I agree that your children should feel safe to go to their pawpaw's house and play and just be kids. I would maybe sit outside with them and supervise their playing together. They are cousins and family and I would foster a better relationship between them, you never know when they will need eachothers support and love.


I just read over this post and it sounds a little harsh. This is a sore subject to me. I'm not saying your not helping your nephew just my ideas of what I would do!


I have a few nephews and neices who sound alot like your nephew. I feel perfectly comfortable in disciplining them. I don't care if their parents are there either. If they are doing something to hurt my children, they are most certainly not going to get away with it! I love alll my nephews and neices very much and take a very active roll in their lives. because I give them attention they are always wanting to be with me. I imagine when I am older there are going to be some pretty big family celebrations at my home!:)


hope that helps some...maybe someone will have something else from their point of view

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
In reply to: fafaa
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 12:55pm
Thanks. We have tried to discpline him when he does something wrong. He runs and tells them that he didn't do anything and they believe him, and let him go. Before me and my DH got married, he was the only one who discplined Tyler. When we got married, they told him he didn't live out there anymore and that it wasn't his concern. If I say anthing to him, they say that I am being too hard on him. But I feel that I have every right to be if he is being mean to my kids and not acting like he is a 13-14 year old boy. He was riding a friend of theirs bike, with a flat tire. The friend happened to be there when he did, and instead of yelling at him because the tires were flat and he was going to damage the bike, his dad and aunt sat there and laughed about it while their friend got upset and threw a fit. I can't quite figure out why they are so reluctant to let him run wild, but we have talked to him and the dad and aunt, but it goes in one ear and out the other. He isn't even allowed to come here and stay anymore because he is so mean to the kids and then tries to lie about it when we see it with our own eyes. Thanks for the advice, I will need to figure out something soon. They want him to move out there with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
In reply to: fafaa
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 3:18pm
I am sorry that your nephew is being so hard on your child.
There is no excuse to him behaving that way.
If I were you, I would refuse that he come to your home till he can behave and treat your family with respect.
Good luck.

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