My Baby Shower...need advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
My Baby Shower...need advice
6
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 3:53am

Okay, so here's the deal. When I announced I was pregnant with my DS, my SIL immediatly wanted to plan the shower. I was all for it. I've never had anyone plan a party for me, I've always had to do it myself, so I was excited. But, as time went on, more and more of the planning, buying and doing of stuff for my party fell on my shoulders until it in the end we'd payed for everything but the invitations (we bought the stamps and I addressed and wrote all the info on almost all of them), one food dish for the shower, and two out of seven prizes for the games. We had to travel an hour to pick up and return my DH's grandma, we were up at 6 the day of the party and at the park to ensure we could get the area with running water and cover, we left my sister there and traveled all over town to put up signs so people would know where to go, we bought and cooked almost all the food and the cake, we planned the games and got everything ready for those, I called people to make sure if they were comming or not...I think you get the picture. Anyway, my SIL's excause what they'd gotten into a car accident and they had to buy school clothes for my niece so she wasn't sure if she could afford it. The thing is, I announced my pregnancy in April, that's when she asked to do the party, they got into a wreck in late July and my party was August 27th. Shouldn't they have known prior to August they needed to buy my niece school clothes?? Anyway, it was horrible. It was sooo much work and stress, especially b/c I hadn't planned on having to do it, so a lot of things were dropped on me at the last minute. It basically ended up being I did the work or I had crap, so I did the work b/c I wanted it to be a good party. Anyway, I'm pregnant again and so far nobody has asked to do the party, but if somebody does, would it be really rude for me to decline?? I feel like I need to avoid all the stress of depending on somebody else and just plan it for myself. Is that wrong? Does that make me a horrible person? It is really strange for a woman to plan her own baby shower?? I don't know what's suppossed to be "proper" I just do what I have to. I would really appreciate some feedback on this issue, as I think a few friends of mine are planning to ask to do it. I just don't knwo what I shoudl tell them. Thanks in advance!!

Jessica
Mommy to Logan (12-10-05)
EDD (12-10-07)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 8:56am
Unless you truly want a second baby shower, have you thought about just skipping it all together? That would avoid any extra work for you! I have to admit, I am not a shower fan. I have had several and my friend had mine here at my house before Josh was due. I did help out a lot b/c she was also pregnant and lives out of state. I have zero plans to do a 2nd baby shower. Totally planning one yourself seems a bit strange to me.
Another good idea I've read about is just meeting out for lunch somewhere for some girl time and talk about baby stuff, no gifts, just visiting with your friends and celebrating your upcoming gift. I think that would be appropriate to plan yourself. Anybody agree? Congrats to you and your family!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 12:32pm
I'm sorry you went through that for your baby shower!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Sat, 04-28-2007 - 3:22pm

I've actually never heard of anyone having a baby shower after their first baby...at least in my neck of the woods, it's really just a tradition for the birth of your firstborn to do the whole big party thing. When friends/relatives had second or third kids, usually everyone just gives a baby gift after the baby gets here...like taking over a present when you go visit, or mailing a card with a little gift card in it or something. But I wasn't aware that it was customary at all to actually have a shower for a second child.

All that to say that, I don't think it would be odd at all to just decline a shower if it's offered again...there's a good number of people who wouldn't expect a second baby shower and so I don't think it would be weird at all to just pass on it. Bottom line, it's not worth stressing yourself out over it so do whatever is best for yourself!

HTH

Krista, 35 year old SAHM
DD 17 months

Krista_edited-1.gif picture by baybreeze01
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 10:45am
That first shower sounds like a real bummer! Have you thought about skipping it? But if several of your friends were thinking of throwing you one, you could invite them out for smoothies or something with their kiddos and yours (if they have kiddos, of course) and have an informal mini-celebration. Do you still have a lot of the supplies from Logan that you'll use for your new child? If so, then you might not "need" the shower the way a brand new mom would. But the support of your friends is invaluable! :) Maybe just asking for their support and an extra special day to honor and celebrate your new

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 12:57pm
Thanks for the advice. My DH and I have decided to throw a BBQ during the summer that will be a non-baby shower/baby celebration type thing. On the invites I'm going to say that gifts arn't necessary, but diapers, wipes and if this little bean is a girl, clothing are always appreciated. We still have just about everythign from Logan, so we don't "need" the typical shower, even though that's not what we had with Logan either. We had a BBQ with him too, for men and women. Anyway, I just can't bring myself to not have anything for this little one, so we'll just have the BBQ, plus, who doesn't love an excause to throw yourself a party, and that's exactally what I intend to do, throw myself a big old BBQ!!! And I've decided that if people don't like it or have anything negative to say, they can just stay home!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2003
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 2:35pm
That sounds like a great compromise! Very good idea! :) I hope you guys have tons of fun, and no resistance from people. Good luck!

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