My kids are out of control

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My kids are out of control
11
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 8:13pm

Had to log back on here and say I feel a little better about the spanking incident, and that it's not just me, but that we have kids who just push us to the edge! My DH *lost* it with my oldest DS Matthew (who will be 8 in September) tonight at dinner.

DH came home with pizza that I called in. He also was nice enough to stop and get the kids slushies. He made the unfortunate mistake of getting different flavors. You have to give all of them the exact same thing or they want the other ones'. He put the cherry down in front of Justin, and the lime down in front of Matthew, and a lime and cherry in front of the girls--which I promptly poured into sippy cups, LOL! And Tessa whined about that, wanting a "big girl cup" WHEW!! So we started out the meal with WHINING, of course. Then DH was stressed because he had a hard time at work this afternoon with someone hit by a car on a bike, took a long time to stabilize them, making him tired & stressed when he walked in.

Well, Matthew had a fit, wanting the cherry slushie that Justin had. Now how spoiled is that?? You get pizza, a slushie, and you throw a fit??!! My parents never brought us pizza & slushies, we ate weird Greek food every night! So he runs off into the family room screaming. I yell at him and send him to Time Out in his room for his spoiled, ungrateful behavior. Michael (DH) takes the slushie and drinks a sip and says "Fine, if you don't want it, I'll drink it" which causes Matthew to scream even louder on his way up the stairs.

He lay in the doorway of his room crying "I'm hungry!!" like we were starving him for half our meal. Finally, I let him down to come eat because he'd been quiet for 2 minutes. I was waiting for Michael to deal with him, calm him down, but I really think he was just too worn out from the sad events at work.

Matthew comes down, and we have pepperoni pizza and veggie pizza, and Michael gets up and asks him which kind he wants. Does he respond nicely? No! He makes this mean face (because he's still mad) and slams his chair back. Justin, next to him, has his fingers on the side of his chair and Matthew slammed his fingers between the 2 chairs!! Justin *shrieks* and screams at the top of his lungs (turns out his fingers are bruised, but OK).

My husband LOST IT. He grabbed Matthew around the waist, put him over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes, carried him upstairs and dumped him on his bed, and I heard him shouting at him: "YOU'D BETTER LEARN TO CONTROL YOUR TEMPER YOUNG MAN!!" Which I think is kind of humorous to be *yelling* (control your temper? Yelling it? Hello? LOL!). Michael rarely, rarely raises his voice with the kids. Granted, he didn't spank him (like I probably would have had I been alone). But I am not the only parent who is losing my temper with my kids these days!

As an addendum to my spanking thread, I thought I would post this and say: Is it us or our kids?? Do we have spoiled kids here? What is going on? I have not seen my DH this mad at one of the kids in a long time. Matthew is still up there screaming! I'm starting to really, really think my kids are out of control. It's gotten worse with the Summer now that they're not in school.

Thanks for listening my vent. I think I have "high-spirited" kids, but I'm getting a little worried about their behavior lately. It's non-stop fighting, making messes, bad attitudes, tantrums, etc. Even my normally patient, happy hubby finally lost it tonight! What are we doing wrong here? ::SIGH::

Sofia




Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2006
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 10:54pm

I don't have any ideas, but if you remeber, i am having the same issues... just popped in to say , you are not alone..... ((( big hugs ))) and ((( behaving kids vibes )))

~Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2005
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 11:05pm
WHEW!!!!!!!!!!! I thought that I was the only one who felt that way about their kid(s).
I am having temper issues with DD. Rolling eyes, and answering back. She threw such a fit on sunday, I wanted to pull my hair out; she was screaming non-stop. It all started because I asked her to clean up her toys. Well the neighbors must think I torture her the way she carries on, she eventually exhausted herself, and fell asleep in time out.
Everytime we tried to let her out of time out she would throw another tantrum.
And DH was no help, he went outside to do yard work.
But anyway, at least we know that it isn't just our children.
Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 07-12-2006 - 11:36pm

Just another day in suburbia! lol.

I only have one 2.5 yrs old and somedays I swear I am ready to lose it. He is in the "I am right, you are wrong, NOOO mommy, I do it ect." phase. I hear they stay in that phase for a long time. Scares me!! Your post scared me. Is this what its going to be like? LOL - just joking (kind of).

Good Luck Sofia, hope tomorrow is better

josee

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 12:14am

I have been reading your other

Sherri

Wife to Joe and Mom to:

Reagan 9/19/94,  Garrett 3/15/2000, Nik 12/30/2004 and  Chase 11/09/2006 and Shawn   10//28/08:

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 4:58am

I completely understand what you are going through!

Avatar for me_n_my_gals
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 7:08am

Sofia, I agree with you. Some days I feel like I just can't gain control of my 2 girls. They don't listen, they fight with each other, the older one bosses her sister around, the list goes on. I too, feel that my kids don't appreciate everything they have, either. I wouldn't have gotten pizza and slushies for dinner as a kid, either. DH and I both grew up with parents that barely made ends meet, so we got things like that as a treat, and truly appreciated it. However, on the flip side, we can do things for our girls that our parents couldn't afford to do with us, so we do them. But, then we seem to get attitude, sassiness, bossiness, etc. in return. Some payback, huh? Some tricks I've been using lately, maybe would work for you:

When the girls are arguing with each other, and generally not being nice, I find a really boring place in the house, and make them stand there an look at each other. Usually, within minutes, they are laughing. To be excused, they need to apologize to each other

If there is an incident, such as your dinner incident, (stuff like that always happens around dinner time here, too - I think because they are starting to get tired) I warn them, if their behavior continues, they will have to put on their pajamas. If they have to put on their pajamas, they know the next step is bed, so usually, they start toeing the like, KWIM? 1st offense, warning. 2nd offense, pjs, 3rd offense BED - no matter the time!! And, stick with it!! Its tough, but much easier on the mommies than spanking (wink).

Those are the 2 that I have instituted recently, that seem to have an impact. I'm sorry you are so frustrated lately.

Hugs,
Wendy

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 8:53am
Sofia, I am not saying my kids are perfect they are not, however they are not out of control and know their boundaries. The best way in my opinion to keep it that way is discipline consistently for unacceptable behaviour and praise consistently for good behaviour. My kids have come to know what is and is not allowed and the consequences for it. Consistency is the key, if you do it sometimes and not all they begin to test the water, if they know the consequences for their behaviour ahead of time and that you will enforce it they tend to be less likely to test you on it. And everyone including us adults love to hear thata girl or thata boy when we get it right. A child thrives on praise, my kids seek good behaviour in order to get it more often. And praising them seems to make me and them feel closer to one another{,I think due to the respect they feel when praised.} I hope this has helped you some, you don't have to be a bad@ss with them {not calling you a bad@ss...LoL} just consistent and firm with a loving reminder of why they got the punishment for what they did. Reward with praise not things, it really does have a better effect on a child. {{Hugs}} I think it has helped that I was one of the oldest of 11 and had a lot of responsibility at an early age with small kids.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 11:07am

Rose, we are very consistent, and we praise them all the time. For some reason, it doesn't work with my kids the way it does with yours. You're lucky!! We have always made it a point to be completely consistent. If we say something, it happens. If we warn, we carry through. If they break the rules, they are punished. If we say something, it goes, no arguments and no negotiations. We never give in to begging or tantrums (Matthew didn't get the cherry slushie last night, for example).

On the other hand, they are constantly praised. Between Michael and I, we must tell them "I love you" 20x/day. I call the boys "Handsome" and the girls my "angels" and tell all 4 of them how special and beautiful and smart they are. We praise their giftedness and their talents and their achievements. We build them up, and we even make them praise each other with a little family game we play called "Verbal Gift Giving" where they have to say nice things about each other and us, and we do the same. There is no lack of praising going on here!

We've been told Justin is "gifted." I'm thinking I have high-spirited and bright children (not meaning to brag, but goodness knows I've done enough griping, I might as well build them up here too!). Bright kids can often be a unique challenge, I've heard.

Just not sure what we're doing wrong, because it seems we're doing everything right.

Sofia




Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 11:23am

Thanks to all of you for your support & advice! Wendy--GREAT ideas!! I'm going to try them. I especially like the standing in a boring place and staring at each other, LOL! My sons fight non-stop. Maybe that will work! I remember having "staring contests" with my sisters, and always ended up laughing!

Guess what Justin is doing this morning to tick Matthew off? Imitating everything he says, LOL! It's highly annoying, but Matthew should just ignore it. Does he? Heck, no! He lets Justin get right under his skin. I think I'll go sit them in a corner and make them stare at each other now!!

Glad to know I'm not alone with the challenging kids. I think part of the issue last night, too, is that my DH is really so overloaded with work right now, he has no reserve to deal with them. I was pretty shocked to see him get so angry, because that's highly unusual for him, but I guess we all have our limits. I know I reach mine pretty darn fast lately!

Please know, too, that I don't have "bad" kids. I love my kids soooo much. They really are good kids, just a challenge all the time. Parenting is the hardest job on earth, I'm convinced. Part of what makes it hard is that we love them so much! :)

Thanks again, guys! You really, really made me feel better!

Sofia




Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2005
Thu, 07-13-2006 - 11:39am

Wow Sofia, I can't imagine your daily routine!

Photobucket

Pages