My SIL strikes again
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| Wed, 10-18-2006 - 5:40pm |
So I hung out with my sister today (we're very close), and I was talking to her about my evil SIL. She has a hard time with her also, although my SIL is not nasty to Maria the way she is to me. In the course of our conversation, Maria told me that my SIL sent out pictures via email to everyone in my family from a get-together we had this past Summer, and wrote captions under each picture. There was one of me and Michael hugging, and she wrote underneath "This would be a really nice picture if Sofia wasn't dressed like a teenager" and then added, "But we're used to seeing her dressed like that" or something to that effect.
As if!!
I DO NOT DRESS LIKE A TEENAGER!
If I remember correctly from this get-together, I was just in shorts and a tank top. What's the big deal??
I am not trying to be mean, but my SIL is the one who dresses inappropriately, with cleavage hanging out everywhere in front of my dad, my husband and my BILs, and stuffing herself into clothes 3 sizes too small for her. She also wears TONS of make-up all the time. She is not one to point fingers!
She also has been telling my whole family that she thinks my DH is "whipped" and that I don't treat him well, and that's a bad example for my kids.
What?? You all know how much I adore my husband!
She also hinted that she thinks Michael is somehow "less than a man" because--in so many words--he kisses my butt; and a "real" man wouldn't act that way (what way? In love with his wife? Under what Set of Rules does THAT fall?)
My sisters apparently have defended me and told her to quit her crap. Maria sent the email back to her and basically told her off, and also defended my marriage to her. My other 2 sisters kind of just roll their eyes, but one of them also wrote back that she thought the picture was beautiful and she didn't see anything wrong with the way I dress. And all 3 of them have told her to mind her own business as far as my marriage goes. As for my brother, he is just very, very quiet, and that kind of hurts me too. But Maria is not sure he even knows about the email.
I am really, really trying to blow her off, but I can admit to you all, my sister and my husband that no matter how hard I've tried over the years, she continues to have the ability to hurt my feelings. I'm not sure why. It's not like I want to be close to her or anything. I think maybe it hurts because I've connected her to my mom in my mind, and despite my tangled relationship with my mom, I do love my mother. And it also just hurts when people target you like that.
Sofia


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It sounds to me like it's finally time that you talk to your brother, in private.
omg Sofia, give me her email, and I'll tell her off for you. That is insane. have your sister forward the email to you, then you can print it out and show your brother, and confront his bitchy wife and tell her to mind her own darn business. Honestly, at this point, I'd tell her that if she cant be an adult and say what her issue with you is, then she and family are no longer welcome around you. I'd also call your mom and tell her its time that she minded her own business as well, and if she cant support her own daughter over a daughter in law, then she isnt welcome either.
Really unbelievable. what a cow.
That's just it: WE HAVE CONFRONTED HER!! It did no good! A year ago, when Michael was in New Orleans doing volunteer medical relief after Hurricane Katrina, she came over and brought Matthew a birthday gift and proceeded to tell me that I needed to get Michael home, because if he was gone too long, his eyes would wander and he'd cheat on me (!!). I was LIVID! So was Michael. When he came home, we had both her and my brother over for dinner and laid it all out (Michael did most of the talking) about her years of mistreatment of me, and her inappropriate behavior towards my husband. For about 2 months, neither one of them talked to us. I think my brother was more hurt and shocked than anything. Then things thawed out and we began speaking again.
Then last November, Michael cut his wrist really badly on a can top that I had jammed into the trash sharp-edge up. When he compacted the trash really hard with the heel of his hand, it cut an artery in his wrist. He halfway bled to death on the way to the hospital. I'm not even kidding--he lost so much blood that he started to go into shock. He was OK after they stitched him up, but it was a rough evening. My SIL wrote him an email AT WORK a few days later (she got his work email off of family email threads), and expressed her concern, and then said "Take care of your handsome self". He forwarded the email to me, and then wrote her back and told her it was inappropriate. She blew him off, and when we saw her at St Nicholas Day at my parents' (a Greek holiday) about a week later, she was very rude to me and all over him, and he finally told her "You need to get yourself some help" and he is NOT one to say that to anyone very easily!
So you see, we have confronted her several times. It does no good!
We never hang out with her anymore, except at family gatherings. I miss my brother and wish I could spend time with just him, but I'm afraid she'd show up. He is my only brother :(
I'm pretty sure she's cheating on Dimitri (my brother). There are signs of it, like her staying away overnight sometimes and stuff like that. She's a case study!
We can always confront her again. I don't think it will ever do any good, but maybe it will make me feel better. Should I have it out with her again, or just continue to ignore it??
Thanks so much for your advice!
Sofia
wow, she's a nut job. I guess maybe if confronting her doesn't do anything, maybe talk to your brother and demand that he makes sure his "lovely" wife stays in line. I dont know, sounds like she doesn't think she has the problem and your brother has his head in the sand. very sorry you are going through this Sofia.
Another option (although rather immature lol) is to give back to her what she gives you. VERY loudly, and VERY publicly lol. You know when she makes the snide remarks in an email, respond back to it (forwarding to everyone she sent it to ) making some rude comment to her, or if she pipes up over a family dinner and is rude, tell her infront of everyone that you think she should keep her mouth shut because shes' not family, she's trashy, she's a tart, she's jealous, ...whatever the suitable insult is lol.
That sounds extremely childish and I'm sorry she makes you feel bad. It sounds like jealousy to me. As soon as you make the choice to stop letting her to get to you, the better. Im sure Michael tells you that,too, but it's the truth. Just think of it like this..You are a way better person, so why would you let someone like that make you feel bad? Who is she to cut down Michael? Who is she to say you dress like a teenager?
I hope you can get past her cutdowns and rude remarks, you don't need that in your life, you are a great person.
Kate
You know what would be absolutely hilarious, Sofia? If you started agreeing with her. If she said that you dressed like a teenager, tell her, "you know what, you are right!" At the next gathering wear a really frumpy dress and matronly shoes you found at Wal Mart or something. If she tells you that Michael's eyes wander, tell her - Oh, I'm glad you said something - I thought it was my imagination. If she tells you your girls should go to separate schools, tell her "wow, you are sooo knowledgeable - how do you learn all of these things? I'm so glad you are here for all of us!" Be really, really sweet, understanding, etc. Be accepting of all of her information. Maybe if you do that, she will get tired of it, because she gets too much positive reinforcement from you. It will spoil all of her fun if you agree with her on EVERYTHING!! LOL!
Hugs hon - she is just a real pain in the tookas!!
Wendy
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