My turn for a DH VENT!! :(
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| Thu, 06-08-2006 - 5:55pm |
OK, I really need some calming vibes here so I don't ruin my entire birthday evening because I am so ticked off!!
::DEEP BREATH::
Michael called me a little while ago to tell me that he was leaving work soon to cook me a yummy birthday dinner (he should be walking in any minute). He was all mushy & sweet on the phone with tons of I LOVE YOUs and I MISSED YOU TODAYs and I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOUs. But that was just a little buffering, because then he dropped the bomb on me:
HE AGREED TO WORK SATURDAY NIGHT FOR ANOTHER DOCTOR WHO WAS SCHEDULED AND WANTS THE NIGHT OFF!! He is usually On Call Sunday nights, not Saturday nights, because of his seniority. But he traded with this doctor, and now will be off Sunday and work Saturday. Normally, no big deal. I wouldn't care at all, but. . .
MONDAY IS OUR 13TH WEDDING ANNIVERSARY AND TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY AND WE SCHEDULED A DATE NIGHT FOR SATURDAY NIGHT!!
OK, I'll stop yelling in your ears now. . .
We even had a babysitter scheduled for Saturday already--my niece was coming. We were going to go out dancing and to dinner. I know my niece can't babysit tomorrow night! We can't go out on our actual anniversary, or tonight, because it's a school/work night.
Why is it that my husband CAN NEVER SAY "NO" TO ANYONE EVEN AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS FAMILY AND ME??!! Doesn't he realize how important it is for me to celebrate our anniversary with him this weekend? Forget the flowers and earrings and mushy card this morning, it's all null and void right now to me. Sorry, that sounds utterly spoiled, but I'm very angry with him right now!!
And he's so sweet on the phone: "I'm sorry, Baby" and "I'll make it up to you". Nope. Not good enough. We already had plans!! And the bottom line is: he can't say no to anyone. He gets suckered into these things, and gets taken advantage of, and he doesn't even care; but I care when it's at the expense of me and the kids. Family comes first. Marriage comes before career. This isn't even mandatory. He doesn't even *have* to work, he agreed to it!! What is wrong with him that he can't tell anyone "No"?? It has been the cause of many a fight between us over the years! Why isn't our Date Night for our *wedding anniversary* no less more important than letting this other doctor down? And why is this stupid doctor waiting until Thursday to ask Michael to work for him Saturday? And why is Michael agreeing? This doctor obviously "has plans" for Saturday night (probably with *his* wife), BUT SO DOES MICHAEL!!
I am just soooooooooo upset right now, I can't even see straight.
He said we'd go out "for sure next weekend" but next weekend is not our anniversary or my birthday. Now OK, our actual anniversary isn't until Monday, but don't you think when it's Monday you'd go out the weekend before??
I swear, I'm going to build a doghouse, and he's sleeping in it tonight. Forget a romantic evening. I think my birthday is ruined, and I'm really trying not to let it be, but I'm so upset with my husband right now, I can't see straight! I don't even want him to cook me dinner.
And what's worse--my mom is coming over. Great. Always a living joy. . . and yes, I'm being sarcastic. . . My birthday just went down the tubes.
I am just so ticked off at Michael. It makes me feel like he puts other people ahead of his family. Forget the mushy "I LOVE YOUs". Actions speak louder than words!! Am I being a spoiled brat to feel this way? Am I out of line here?? Someone give me some perspective!! I'm just so disappointed. . .
Sorry for such a long vent. . . I think I need some cheering up. Anyone out there?? :( Where's the "crying" icon when you need it?
Sofia


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Hugs, hugs, hugs and more hugs!! I can sympathize with you in a HUGE way!! DH never made it to Molly's program this afternoon, as he was helping his friend. He, too, cannot say NO, no matter what. He loves to please everyone and do many, many kind things for others, but alot of times, it is at his family's expense. I can see why you are angry - I would be, too. I can't tell you how many things I've had to do alone with the girls because he had to work at the last minute on a Saturday!! Or even a Sunday!! Now, don't get me wrong, in his weird, twisted way, it is for the family. He gets great pay on a daily basis, but when he gets the overtime checks, it is really, really nice. But, we really miss him, etc. You know how it goes. I'm feeling for you right now Sofia!! I've been in your shoes more than once, and am sure to be again.
Know you are not alone, honey!! Don't let this ruin your birthday. Suck it up, and go on - after all, you gotta entertain your MOM, for crying out loud. Just make sure to make dh feel guilty!! LOL!
Hugs,
Wendy
Sofia:
I totally understand your frustration. I hope you can share your feelings with your DH, if nothing else, for his future reference.
I know it's difficult to deal with, when these guys are so driven it feels like career is coming first. I know for my DH, it may seem like career is coming first, but it's only because he feels that forwarding his career and business is putting the family first. It annoys the heck out of me too. I couldn't care less about money, I'd rather just have him around.
From everything you talk about, it seems like you really have a great guy. He doesn't sound like someone who would intentionally hurt you...I'll bet he'd take it back if he could. Unless of course he has planned a surprise or something else that you don't know about for your anniversary???
Regards
I'm sorry!!!:( How awful for Michael to do something like that, but they are men and they do stupid stuff. I could tell you how many times my dh did something soo dumb at his family's expense. It is not right and you need to tell him how you feel without yelling,lol.
(((((BIG HUGS)))))
That stinks Sofia, i'm so sorry!
Awwwwwwwwww~!!!!! That totally sucks Sofia! I wish I had read this first before I posted to the Birthday post :( I hope he can arrange it so that maybe someone could take his place? ((Big Hugs!))
Traci
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I had a sucky evening :( I hate to be a whiner, but my parents were here, and, as I expected, my mom had almost nothing good to say to me. She is very threatened that I went on vacation with my ILs, even though we've been doing this for 10 years--since long before we had kids!! She just can't stand for me to be happy in any way, shape or form. And she's so threatened by Michael's family (that I am close to them) and always has been. And as usual, she can sit and criticize me for all kinds of stuff, and my dad keeps his mouth shut and just rolls his eyes at me. And Michael just keeps changing the subject. But that doesn't always work with my mom.
Oh. . . They did bring me a gift certificate for Macy's, which was nice, for $100. But I'd so much rather have her be cool with me for a change. Just once would be nice.
And then I am just so hurt by Michael. Never, ever, ever has he done anything like this: to agree to work when we were planning to celebrate our wedding anniversary!! That is an important date, and, granted, 13 years is no big deal, but still. The more I thought about it, the more UNLIKE HIM I realized this was! Now while he does have a hard time saying No to anyone ever, I admit that, he's never before agreed to help someone else out when he and I have something really important planned like an anniversary dinner. I just am so shocked & stunned by him. Maybe he has finally decided to take me for granted here :(
And what makes it worse is that we've been soooo close lately. We had such a good time on vacation together. We walked on the beach at night alone and talked and just were so close, I feel like he's just ruined that. I can't believe he'd agree to work when we had an *anniversary* Date Night!! It amazes me, because he's normally a pretty romantic guy, and puts stuff like anniversaries at the top of his list. I'm just in shock, and so hurt! So needless to say, he has gone on to bed ALONE and here I am venting!
And yes, to answer your questions, I HAVE NO PROBLEM LETTING HIM KNOW *EXACTLY* HOW I FEEL!! He is very well aware of how much he's hurt me and how mad I am and he's not feeling very good about it right now. I do always, always let him know. But I'll have to wait till I calm down to resolve anything for the future. I'm still too mad. As the evening wore on, the madder I got.
And what did he have to say for himself? "I'm sorry", "I can't pull out now," "I promise I'll make it up to you", etc. And why does he have a hard time saying No to colleagues/everyone else and not me? He says he doesn't like to say No to me either, but obviously I'm easier than this doctor to disappoint, even though he denies it.
But he never will argue with me. Another thing that makes me mad. He just clams up & waits for me to finish ranting, and says frustrating things like "I'll be happy to discuss it with you when you're not so angry with me" and "I'm sorry I hurt you". So we're at an impasse until I calm down. And I am not calmed down yet.
I would love to meet for Chat Saturday night if anyone's around, Tanya. Thanks for the sweet suggestion. I'm sure I'll be in a sad mood. I'll need a good laugh. Should we set something up for anyone able to come??
Oh well. Thanks for listening, and thanks for your sympathies. You guys are so sweet. Sorry to vent. I do love my DH to death, and he *did* apologize to me, but I am still very upset with him. And my mom sure didn't help my mood. Thank God for my wonderful kids, anyway. . . I'm going to bed now and ending this day. . .
Sofia
I know, DH does stuff like that, too...It is more than annoying, it really hurts my feelings that he puts stuff before us and the kids. I'm sorry your birthday went so badly and I hope things look better in the next few days !
Hugs,
Liz
Oh, Sofia! What a stinker! Maybe he said yes because you all had been so close lately. Maybe he thought you wouldn't mind. Really not ok, though. I'd guilt the holy heck out of him and milk it for all it was worth.
Erin
oh sweetie, BIG BIG BIG ((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
what is it with men????? they can be so sweet, then turn around and be such turds.
Kyle does the same thing... he's irritatingly sweet while I'm *fuming* mad at him.
I hate to tell you this, but speaking from experience here, you're going to have to just let it go and do your best to forgive him. You'll only build up a case to use against him in a future fight if you don't *truly* let it go, and that will only destroy your relationship.
Trust me... I know how hard it is, but until you have peace inside, nothing will get resolved.
(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))
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