At my wits end w/dd #1

Avatar for me_n_my_gals
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Registered: 03-26-2003
At my wits end w/dd #1
4
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 12:38pm

Where do I begin? Honestly, lets just say, she is a slob! I don't like to label my girls, because as my mom always says "labelling is enabling", however there is no other way to describe her. She never puts anything where it belongs, she hurries to finish things she doesn't want to do, her papers from school are messy (printing, etc.) and worst of all, when I ask her to clean up, she just starts shoving things in spots where she thinks I can't see them. Today I pulled her laundry basket out of her closet, and shoved behind it were all the shoes I asked her to put away yesterday, along with some little legos and other things that weren't in their own place. Now, I have done everything I can think of to try to teach her to be responsible for her things, and put them where they belong. It just doesn't get thru to her. I have cleaned her drawers and organized them for her too many times to count. So, today, I dumped everything out of her desk drawers and pulled everything out from under her bed. I threw away all the papers that were crumpled up, scribbled on, etc. as well as things that were broken or missing pieces (gee, I wonder why that is?). I put everything else she owns into brown paper bags. My plan is to make her either a. pay me to get everything back, and then she pays extra if it is not put away properly, or b. if she is looking for something (I'm quite certain she will be), she must select 10 other items to put away, to get the item out of hock. If they are not put away right, everything goes back into the bag and she tries again the next day (or later on). Any other ideas or suggestions? Also, should I leave all the bags in her room, or should I put them away and wait for her to go looking for something? AAGGHHH!! I'm just so frustrated. Let me know what the rest of you think. Also, am I being too harsh? I really can't think of any other way to fix this problem.

Thanks,
Wendy

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Registered: 09-21-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 1:03pm

I really feel for you Wendy! My Matt who is eight is labled "gifted" by most but he is VERY disorganized. A lot of homeschoolers are very independent when it comes to their school work, but I must stay in the school room with Matt to make sure he stays on task. He can be sloppy in his writing and all this disorganization is carried out in most everything he does.


When Matt went to private school last year, one thing that helped was for me to have a storage box by the front door. This is where he would put everything in his hands...backpack, lunchbox, school papers and everything. Everynight after dinner was when he would have to put everything away.


I gave him this time because although he seems to be a very social person, he can get drained and overstimulated by everyone...he needs downtime to recharge. I found that if I gave him 30 minutes to drink some water and play outside that he was easier to get back on task.


To help him feel more responsible he has chore charts and must check off his morning and evening chores. If he wants to earn extra money he must "apply" for a job on our family bulletin-board. I have a list of jobs for the week that are extra things that need to be done-with a set price for the completion of the job. This has helped him a lot in being responsible.


I taught Matt a great lesson at age four. He would not clean his room and it was always a mess. So I asked him if he would like me to clean it....he of course said yes. So I went in with big black trashbags and took EVERYTHING out of his room except his basic furniture and his blanket and pillow. I put everything in an outside storage shed. He was so shocked...lol He was slowly able to earn back all of his things, everyday I would check his room at night and if clean and organized he could get some things back. I have never had to clean his room again since! lol When I say to clean his room he knows what could happen if he does not.

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Avatar for me_n_my_gals
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 1:10pm

Thank you Traci! You've reasuured me, if nothing else, that my dd is not alone! She, too, is 8, part of the Gifted and Talented program at school,but very disorganized. It may have something to do with these personality similarities? I think I'm going with my plan of having her earn her stuff back. I did like your story about the garbage bags, tho. That was great! I may have to use it someday (But I hope not! LOL!)

Thanks again, Traci!!

Wendy

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Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 05-23-2005 - 5:37pm
Andrew is bad with putting things away.
I help him out and still he cannot do it.
So what I do is, if I find it out of its place or left after he is done with it, I take it.
I do not give it back till I feel he has learned that he puts it up or it gets taken away.
Good luck with your daughter.
I too went through a phase like this till I was much older.

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Avatar for sherrieann
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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 05-24-2005 - 10:49am

Aahhhh, I girl after my own daughter's heart =} I hear ya though. My daughter is the big *let's just shove it back here and nobody will ever now* queen! I danced a jig AT the furniture store when we bought her new bed with a trundle underneath because I would no longer have to crush my head trying to dig things out from under there!!!!

OK, all kidding aside. I have done the reorganizing, throwing away of broken/missing pieces things, giving away not played with anymore things to my hearts content BUT that does not change HER. When children have too many things it's easy to get lost in it all. I like the idea of her earning back her things or having to give up some things to get other things to play with. It's good to rotate their toys if they have too many. I like what Dr. Phil said one time quite a time ago: Children only need 10 things. It has definitely made my life much easier and their rooms much cleaner....quicker =}

Here are my suggestions:

You need ONE hamper in your house while the children are still this young. I tried the separate baskets in the kids rooms and don't think they EVER put anything in them - it was always me making a quick sweep and doing it. Forget that - I've got better things to do with my time than do what would take them all of 5 seconds to do. I keep one hamper in my room and do laundry twice a week - I have 5 people in my family and this works out quite well and I am not doing laundry every day =}

If she's old enough to put things away herself she's old enough to remove them from her room for not following the rules. BUT the rules need to be displayed for her at her level not always coming from you. Make her a little chart on a posterboard that you can put on the backside of her bedroom door or inside her closet door. I did this and it worked wonders. I took pictures of her toys all over the floor, clothes scattered everywhere, then I took pictures of any empty toy box, empty drawers, etc. and THEN I put things away and took pictures of it put away. I used these pictures on her chart then I had it laminated once done. It had the days of the week on it along with making her bed, brushing her teeth, etc. and she got a check mark for each day that it was done. I did the check marking though. At the end of the week if she did it the majority of the days - we usually gave her 2 days to slack off and it didn't matter what days these were - she got an allowance. The amount was usually $3 but if she gave us a bunch of grief during the week about whatever she had $0.25 deducted each time. There were weeks where she got nothing and weeks of the full $3 and many weeks of in between.

I know it's frustrating but if you keep on doing it for her she's going to rely on you ALWAYS doing it. Give her time to get acquainted with a new routine, help her in the beginning and do it together, then slowly start pulling back and let her do more and more of it and eventually you can throw that chart away!!! We let our daughter tear hers up - it was fun watching this =}

The drawers and toy box, which is in the closet, don't have to be organized and neat & tidy that will come later. The desk should be though - if it sits in sight it should look decent. Perfection will come with age but some children get along better with a little chaos.

My daughter is now 8 and does quite well on her own. My 5 year old son cleaned out his own room of EVERYTHING into lawn bags a few months ago that went into the garage for about a week where I then went through it and only kept the things that I knew he played with or that my 2 year old son would soon be playing with and then I put it all back and the rest of it went to the K3 class at school. He now picks up his room every evening. We haven't had to go the chart route yet with him and I hope that we don't have to but it does work.

Praise, praise and more praise. Try not to be negative about it. Say let's try it this way instead of saying that's not right or that's wrong. Positive reinforcement will do wonders on their outlook about it.

Good luck.

Sherrie